Are You GREAT just because You Exist?!
“Parents want to make their children happy, and children want stuff,” says the book The Narcissism Epidemic. “Thus parents buy them stuff. And children are happy, but only for a short period of time. Then they want even more stuff.”
“Throwing material goods at problems is a notoriously unsuccessful solution,” says the book The Price of Privilege. “Problems need to be addressed with thought, insight, and empathy, not shoes and purses.” (How many shoes and purses do you own?! or ties and sneakers?! or backpacks and lalaloopsy dolls? or skateboards and legos?:)
Escaping the Endless Adolescence, Dr. Joseph Allen tells of a young man who said to him during a job interview: “I get the sense that sometimes parts of the work can be a little boring, and I don’t want to be bored.” Dr. Allen writes: “He didn’t seem to understand that all jobs have some boring elements. How did one make it to age twenty-three without knowing that?”
Parents face so many varying challenges to raising kids/teens these days. As any busy Mom/Dad of 4 or 3, 2,1…knows it gets overwhelming and exhausting to say the least! Hubby and i chose to have these kids and so, we also chose to raise them ourselves. (i.e. i became a stay-at-home mom and Hubby is self-employed. We tried to maximize our time to be present for our children (and to protect their fleeting childhood) during their tender, formative years.) We all make sacrifices for important reasons. All worthwhile endeavors require hard work and sacrifice…Parenthood is such an endeavor–a daunting one at that!
The above-snipets/quotes are from an article/s i recently read on parenting which explored:
1. Overpraising: For example some parents have been caught up in the self-esteem movement. You know, praising their kids say for breathing and totally ignoring any indiscretion or offensive behavior. Lavishing unearned praise on anyone for little if any effort or accomplishment leads to entitlement and a distorted/inflated view of self!
Don’t confuse overpraising with regularly telling your kids you love them..two different things entirely!
All of us (younger and older) need correction/training/education, we make mistakes, we need guidance…a flashlight out of the dark. Parents must realize that part of our job description/responsibility is to teach/train/care for our children. (It’s not the grandparents’ job or the neighbors’ job or the aunt and uncle’s job or the school’s to be “primary” teacher/caregiver/raiser of our children.)
Life is sacred/precious and if you make life…shouldn’t you care for it?!:) FYI: Totally THANKFUL my Parents cared for me!:)
Correction or training/teaching kids should never be an “outlet”…as in parent’s should not let out their anger/rage/uncontrolled emotions at their kids. I’m totally against emotional or physical abuse of a child!! Parents should strive to set the example of acceptable, peaceful, harmonious, loving behavior, attitude and speech for their child/ren. (A lot easier said than done, eh?!:)
Especially when under stress and fatigue, my kids have been saying I’m raising my voice (i.e. screaming) at them lately. I felt so badly; apologized…I don’t want to do that but, get 4 kids together, playing and goofing around and the noise level is so LOUD–my ears ring…I’m out-numbered and trying to get their attention to stop what their doing, listen to me and get school work and/or chores done…anyway, we are working on whispering. I’m trying to whisper at them now to get them to listen…CAREFULLY!:) They are right! Yelling “quiet” is an oxymoron–defeats the lesson of quiet. Ah, quiet…i LOVE that word!:) One day, I’ll discover it anew.
My kids have taught me a lot…they are like hand-held mirrors reflecting back at me…which is good…without them, may be, I wouldn’t clearly see/discern some of my flaws/stuff one needs to work on/change. With a bunch of kids to look out for…you cannot be self-centered-absorbed. What have your kids taught you? (Even if one is not a parent, children have a lot to teach adults.)
Who doesn’t look in a mirror, see something out of place or spinach in your teeth and just walk away and do nothing about it?! Can you walk by a mirror and not stop and look or adjust/fix/brush/comb?! Fact of life: We all need to make adjustments. If we don’t, then we are a mess! Our kids are worth making adjustments! If we’re a mess, then they’re a mess. All Children deserve adults in their lives who care and love them enough to change negative behavior. Can’t we all be more positive/loving/caring for the sake of all the children around the globe!
My kids teach me patience (among other things) every day…my goal is to be the best I can be for their sakes. It’s not an easy task of being on your best behavior 24/7 …cause kids are like sponges soaking everything up. Let’s protect kids from poison! That’s why it’s so important as parents, that we watch what they watch (eat) literally and figuratively! (We should watch what we watch as parents, too.) I’m not the first to say (nor the last i’m sure) “You are what you eat!”
2. Overprotecting: It’s natural for parents to want to protect their kids from harm. (I lean a lot toward that.) However, kids need to learn responsibility and shielding them from “all” consequence of their actions sends the wrong message. Adversity can build character and all of us must learn to accept accountability for our actions. “Instead of learning that they can survive pain and disappointment, and even learn from it,” says the book Positive Discipline for Teenagers, “[such] children grow up extremely self-centered, convinced that the world and their parents owe them something.”
Nobody owes us nothin’!…well-spoken, eh?! -lol:) It’s prudent (and practical) to expect nothing, but appreciate everything!
3. Overproviding: Parents and kids don’t need everything they see advertised on TV and elsewhere. There is a huge chasm/difference between what we really need and what we merely want! Overconsumerism is not just destroying the planet, but it’s destroying families. A lot of parents feel like they should give their kids what they didn’t have growing up! What Kids really WANT/need is their parents’ time, energy and love…Materialism is consuming much time, much energy and much family life that could be better spent together instead of on stuff or (Surplus Things Unnecessary For Family)!
Please watch out for Overpraising, Overprotecting and Overproviding!
(Insert Round of Applause!) THANKS to ALL Hard-working Parents expending themselves tirelessly to provide for their kids’ emotional, physical, mental and spiritual needs!:) Keep Up the Good Work & Hang in There!:) THANK YOU for making parenting your children a top priority!
What do you think: Are You GREAT just because You exist?
“Do not think of yourself more highly than you should. Instead,
be modest.”~Good News Translation Romans 12:3
Winifred, J. (2012). Are You GREAT just because You Exist?!. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 30, 2015, from http://blogs.psychcentral.com/wellness/2012/10/are-you-great-just-because-you-exist/