…if your partner has a mental illness, that is.

With the holiday season upon us, our regular routines can get thrown into chaos: travel to family gatherings, time with extended family, irregular eating and sleeping schedules, and perhaps consuming more food and alcohol than usual. In addition, there’s pressure to spend a lot of money, to find the “perfect” gifts, to make appearances at parties, to host get-togethers, and to fulfill the expectation that this is “the most wonderful time of the year.”

For most people, we can tolerate the changes fairly well, but for people with mental illnesses, even one of the above changes can wreak havoc on mental stability. While it can be challenging, and may mean making sacrifices and disappointing people, being deliberate about how you and your partner with mental illness approach the upcoming holiday season can make the difference between your partner staying stable versus needing serious interventions come January (if not right in the middle of the festivities–no one wants to be in the ER on Christmas, trust me!)

Here are some of the things you and your partner should discuss before the holidays get in full swing, in order to minimize the impact on their mental health (and yours, too, truth be told):

1. How is your partner feeling right now about the holidays? For some people, they live for this time of the year. Others, not so much. You certainly don’t want to deny your partner the fun they have been looking forward to, but if your partner has recently been ill or is not up to what they have done in the past, it’s good to have a baseline idea of where things stand before the holiday schedule is in full swing.
2. What are the activities your partner absolutely wants to participate in this year? Invitations are generally in no shortage this time of the year, and most people overschedule themselves in an attempt to please everyone. Make a list of the “must go to” invitations, and then a second list of the “it would be fun to go to” invitations.
3. Ask questions: How realistic is the “must” list? If you were to Why are they “must” invitations–because you and your partner truly want to go or because you feel you have to go?
4. How can you distribute the tasks around holiday preparation? As you plan with your partner, talk about who will take on what responsibilities. Perhaps in the past, your partner has done all the shopping for the kids, but maybe this year, you can take a list to the store and pick up the gifts yourself. Or maybe you won’t decorate the house as ornately this year. Or maybe you will decide to forego shopping for each other and plan a fun activity for after the holidays instead. The possibilities for simplifying are endless.
5. What else do you need to plan ahead for? For example, if you know you and your partner will be traveling, make sure your partner has extra medication available to take with them. Planning meals and making sure you and your partner are still getting enough sleep is crucial for mood stability. Do relatives usually stay with you during the holidays? Can you arrange so they stay somewhere else, or make their stay with you shorter this year? If your partner has a therapist, discussing effective ways to handle potential family conflict situations can help to reduce anxiety about gatherings.
6. Try to keep to schedules and routines as much as possible. That includes maintaining sleep and wake times, eating healthfully, drinking in moderation (or not at all if your partner is on psychiatric meds), exercising, taking meds as prescribed, and keeping mental health appointments.

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From Psych Central's website:
PsychCentral (November 18, 2011)

Mental Health Social (November 18, 2011)

From Psych Central's website:
PsychCentral (November 18, 2011)

stephintoronto (November 18, 2011)

NAMI Massachusetts (November 25, 2011)

    Last reviewed: 29 Oct 2011