Greetings from downtown Miami!:) i am in Miami w/Hubby and Kids at the 2013 DBSA Conference.
About the DBSA:
“The Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA) is the leading peer-directed national organization focusing on the two most prevalent mental health conditions, depression and bipolar disorder. DBSA provides hope, help, support, and education to improve the lives of people who have mood disorders through peer-based, wellness-oriented, empowering services and resources available when people need them, where they need them, and how they need to receive them–online 24/7, in local support groups, in audio and video casts, or in printed materials distributed by DBSA.”
“DBSA’s nearly 300 local chapters offer more than 700 support groups providing peer support to an estimated 50,000 individuals. DBSA reaches millions of people each year in-person and online peer support; current, readily understandable information about depression and bipolar disorder; and empowering tools focused on an integrated approach to wellness.” ~Conference Program…You can check out their website: www.DBSAlliance.org
The Keynote presenters this year: Victoria Maxwell, Patrick J. Kennedy, Priscilla Ridgway, Melody Moezzi. Out of the keynote presenters…Thus far, i’ve met: Priscilla Ridgway and she is very pleasant! Our girls enjoyed drawing her caricature. While the kids have been drawing various attendees/participants, i’ve been enjoying enriching conversations with them and am THANKFUL!…the kids will be drawing again Sunday (wonder who else i may meet??)
It’s cool being back in the city…absolutely loving the panoramic view from the 17th floor! Our room is mostly walls of ceiling to floor glass. This must be what life is like in a glass house. Total transparency and reflection (been living that already, eh?!:)
My new-found hobby aka…All i feel like doing is pressing my nose against the glass checking out the elevated view! i need height– far above it all. Florida is too flat for me.. missing the mountains very much! (This window view is as close as i’m going get for now…and am privileged and THANKFUL for this time with my family here!
“HIGH in the alpine mountains of Europe, you can find growing a sturdy bush called the alpine rose. This dwarf rhododendron often grows in dense low thickets huddled against the ground for protection against the harsh upland winds. The unrelenting wind threatens the existence of the alpine plants by lowering their temperature, drying the air and the soil, and pulling at their roots.”
“The alpine rose often escapes the ravages of the wind by growing in crevices among the rocks. Although the soil at these sites may not be plentiful, the rocky fissures provide protection against the wind and enable the plant to conserve water. Practically hidden from view for much of the year, in the summer these rhododendrons decorate their mountain refuge with bright red flowers.” ~article excerpt Hiding Place from the Wind {don’t we all need a hiding place from the wind of this life?? Hope You have such a place!:)}
So, while thoroughly enJOYing every second of this elevation and distance looking….Got me thinking about perspective, height, view/vantage point(s)…and a sense of where one is, GPS..looking out the window…i know precisely where i am in relation to the world/motion surrounding me here…this height makes me feel safe!…up above it all..watching the world drive/pass by with all the flickering city and traffic lights surrounding me…surround sight…surround height…eye to eye with clouds…(AWESOME! and then some). At one point in my life…never would of imagined, i would come to appreciate city traffic in some way!…when you’re far removed from something, then it’s suddenly thrust upon you once again…you view it differently.
Anyway, the night illuminations beautifully accentuate Miami architecture.
Chato and the kids are very busy meeting attendees and (the girls) are having fun drawing caricatures. Me…Here in a supportive role and have been enjoying various enriching conversations!
THANKS to: Chato for my badge and bringing us with You here!…& THANKS Tracy (Green Tea Therapy TV with Joan Winifred) for my ‘bold’ artistic nails. THANKS kids for helping Mama learn to relax a little. THANKS to all the DBSA Folks for being so kind to us. THANKS for the Staff at the Miami Hilton…Excellent service.
Do You like architecture?! Do You like art deco? Pretty Cool!:)…
“Miami Beach’s Art Deco District is the first 20th-century neighborhood to be recognized by the National Register of Historic Places, with 800 structures of historical significance, most built between 1923 and 1943. The fanciful pastel buildings, with porthole windows, ship-like railings, sleek curves, glass blocks, shiny chrome, and gleaming terrazzo floors are prime eye candy.” ~National Geographic Traveler
Out of the cities i know–other than my home town…my short list aka some favorite places thus far in life: Boston, NY, Paris, Vienna, Luxembourg, Sarasota, Punta Gorda and You guessed it: Miami!
Do You have a favorite city? What do You appreciate about this place? How do You contribute to city wellness by Your personal compassion choices? THANK YOU for contributing to your local compassion!
Check out this photo: the elevated view is too cool for my lack of vocabulary to express. Reaction: i stand silent (yes, you did read correctly;) and still…
Could get very used to this. i LOVE naturedon’t get me wrong..but been away from the hustle and bustle, excitement, convenience/culture of city living for a long while now. My dream vacation is where i am now…at this moment…on my bed with my laptop and book…with a cityscape in front of me high up in the clouds. The moon was incredible last night and the sunset over the many buildings…will miss the sky viewing here. My head/thinking is always in the clouds…pretty sure that will not change once we return to the Gulf coast.:)
Hubby snapped the following (and thinks it’s cool)…
We (My kids and i) like this song & reminds (me) of the conference theme: “Stronger Together”…
VERY THANKFUL for those in our life who have provided shelter from the wind…(shelter can be literal or spiritual)!
We can, as Breathing-Fragile-Life, provide some sort of shelter for each other, right?…(kindly help one another when needed)! When we choose compassion…this is the sort of friend we become:
“There exists a friend sticking closer than a brother.” (Prov. 18:24)
Happy Week-end and HOPE You find a mountain-like refuge or a clean window!:)
Do you like to dance? i LOVE it…dance and music. Movement and dance is just an aspect of my natural expression of emotions, thinking, living, communicating…it’s like breathing, eating, reading and writing for me.
My girls and i are bouncing around the house all the time…good exercise. Hubby’s used to it…i think!:) Actually, what one would call a living room…has no couches or chairs.. just a wide-open space…dancing room for us. (i’m kinda a minimalist at heart…and an empty room IF i’m allowed one– meaning i do live with my family and their needs are important…yet simply sitting on the floor and/or outside under a tree reading…appeals to me.)
Did You Know??
“Our upright stance is very energy efficient, for it demands little muscle action to sustain the vertical alignment of our body. In fact, we ‘use only 7% more energy standing than when lying down,’ says neuroscience researcher John R. Skoyles. He adds that a dog uses about 70% more energy when standing (on all fours) than when lying down.” {Maybe, that’s why generally dogs don’t accomplish too much other than playing and sleeping-lol:) unless a service dog!}
“Yes, animals have some amazing abilities. But, so do we! Indeed, the human body has been described as the perfect machine. Of course, we are so much more than a machine. We have creativity, curiosity, imagination, and ingenuity–qualities that move us to devise machines that enable us to do virtually anything we set our minds to. An ancient Bible writer expressed his appreciation to God in song: “I shall laud you because in a fear-inspiring way I am wonderfully made.” Psalm (song) 139:14 ~ excerpt: You are Wonderfully Made!
Somehow dance– is a necessity for me, my brain, my well-being. Boy, my life’s like an open-book, eh? May be, i’m way too honest, or too revealing here…cause IF anyone reads my blog with any regularity or my Hubby’s…You may be getting to know me too well….uh-oh! This knowledge, this seemingly power/information anyone may ‘think’ they have over me…you don’t!…any knowledge (you’ve gained about me through my blogs/ramblings/talking too much)…i’ve let you have, remember? that?…i’ve given it to you…i’m in control of my life and i chose to share and what to share…i chose the consequences of that sharing…rejection or affection…both the same thing, eh?…both bring a measure of pain (don’t be confused…not angry words; just words of experience…words of a realist.)…it makes me sad…that hate and envy consume some and…hate is a cancer…and some are so sick with it.:(
…it’s like physics…check this out:
Underwater, everything is different.
“Our senses work differently. We see differently because of the optics of water. We hear differently because sound travels much faster. There is the drag of water and the fact that the laws of gravity no longer seem to apply the way we instinctively know them on dry land. Colors are different because some of them are absorbed by water very differently than by air. Water is a much better conductor of heat than air is. As a result, we lose heat much more quickly in cold water. Most importantly, though, water is much, much denser than air. At sea level, water weighs about 800 times more than air. Which means that as you dive, you are quickly subjected to very substantial pressure. Since the human body consists mostly of water, you’re in no danger of being crushed. However the gasses inside the human body are greatly affected. They get compressed a great deal the deeper you dive, and the impact of that is the most important reason why any diver must be aware of the physics of being underwater.” ~ Diving Physics by Conrad H. Blickenstorfer
{i’ve dived sooooooooo deep…my senses have changed…i know the danger, i know the risk, i know the sacrifice…the pressure of compression…from the pool of compassion.}
If you’re a swimmer?…What’s the joy in swimming if you don’t go over your head now and again?
i value sharing and don’t mind sharing…may be, i share too much?? (compassion requires it)…knowledge is power, eh?…There is more happiness in giving then in receiving i accept “this” thoroughly…i live “that” truth!:)…Thanks for supporting/reading “this”…however, you & i know…You have better things to do than read my blog…so, go do them!- half laughing, half serious…really. If all of us (me too) were busy doing better things..wouldn’t this world be better?!:)
Is vulnerability a strength? Is sharing a strength? Is acknowledging the temporary nature of things a strength? Is honesty a strength?
Don’t get attached to me…Please…(i’m just a temporary resident)…get attached to compassion and love as a way of life. Extend Your life and the lives of others by going to the source of…Love. i’m okay, i know, i have enough air to keep breathing…i’m acknowledging…my personal boundaries/limitations are set… my course of compassion is before me & there’s no turning back or aside, i’ve invested too much time and the FACT is…progress is forward movement…it’s not stagnant, festering, it’s healthy, it’s free fluidity..(a celestial chariot speeding ahead and on the move)…i know/accept that pace!:)…time, time, time to move on…
Read this:
“Humans have a unique ability to coordinate their motor movements to an external auditory stimulus, as in music-induced foot tapping or dancing,” says a report published by researchers from the universities of York, England, and Jyvaskyla, Finland. The researchers found that even before infants learned to speak, they responded to the rhythm of music and spontaneously tried to move in time with the beat. The more successful their attempts, the longer they smiled. This suggests that the sense of rhythm and a desire to move with music are not something we pick up but something that comes naturally.”
Dance is such a beautiful art form which i love. Don’t like the competition of it, though and the extreme stress/pressure put on young ones to perform with perfection. This blog is my performance…may be ?? it’s not what you expected or good enough. Oh well.
Sorry, but IF you’ve read 44 Things I Learned…you know already that i’m NOT a people pleaser. Sadly, there are some you can never please no matter how hard you try, no matter how much effort you expend…or how good you try to be…sadly, their eyesight doesn’t see good…they swim on the surface (if ? they swim at all). Their love has cooled off…mine hasn’t…i won’t let it…love is power/life/positive…(love/agape is wellness and peace.) i don’t believe in luck!…Love is a fire you work to keep lit. How do you keep it lit when so many are stamping it out?!
Enough of the blues:(…we need an up tempo…(2,…to)…Keep Moving…Keep Sharing…Keep Loving…Keep swimming…Keep diving…deep!
THANKYOU for accepting my invitation! Tea for Two-me and You!
How is Your day going?? Would You like a cup of tea? Green, White, Black, Oolong, Herbal? Sweetened? Unsweetened?
Oh, You may prefer coffee. SORRY, not me, i’m a tea drinker. (Though, i do like coffee-flavored ice cream, go figure.)
I enjoy Green Tea with lemon and honey or black cherry/berry tea for me. I brew tea leaves…don’t read them; seriously.
Research has shown, there are many health benefits to tea drinking. Please check out this stuff from Harvard Medical School:
“Tea’s health benefits are largely due to its high content of flavonoids — plant-derived compounds that are antioxidants. Green tea is the best food source of a group called catechins. In test tubes, catechins are more powerful than vitamins C and E in halting oxidative damage to cells and appear to have other disease-fighting properties. Studies have found an association between consuming green tea and a reduced risk for several cancers, including, skin, breast, lung, colon, esophageal, and bladder.”
Archives of Internal Medicine showed: “a 46%-65% reduction in hypertension risk in regular consumers of oolong or green tea, compared to non-consumers of tea.”
I (believe)/accept there are many “Wellness” benefits emotionally, mentally and (may be, spiritually) for everyone through tea therapy… What I mean by tea therapy is sharing a cup of tea with a dear friend, partner, caregiver, mentor, positive role-model, family member, colleague, spiritual leader, etc. Chatting, talking it out over tea is therapy for me!:)
Here’s a little sip of something:
“Green tea is another potential energy booster. It has about half the caffeine as coffee, plus theanine, which helps people feel focused. There is scientific evidence that green tea helps keep weight off, boosts exercise ability, helps muscles recover faster from workouts, and improves attention spans. Green tea, in moderation, is okay because the theanine content helps to balance the effects of the caffeine.” ~Change Your Brain Change Your Body, Use Your Brain to Get and Keep the Body You have Always Wanted by Daniel G. Amen, M.D
“Drink green tea. Studies of men who drink green tea or take green tea extract as a supplement have found a reduced risk of prostate cancer. If you like to drink tea, consider choosing green tea.’”…Mayo clinic
– Tea drinkers experienced better task performance and alertness in a placebo-controlled study conducted by Unilever R&D, Vlaardingen, the Netherlands. ~ Drinking Tea May Help Prevent Chronic Illnesses by Yagana Shah, USA TODAY
– Flavonoids in green and black tea can provide a probiotic effect in the lower gastrointestinal tract, according to Alan Crozier, professor at the University of Glasgow, Scotland. ~ Drinking Tea May Help Prevent Chronic Illnesses by Yagana Shah, USA TODAY
Today, (June 4th, 2013), I’m having tea with Tracy Anglada. (A Mother of 4 and an Author of 5…books that is.) Thank You for joining us!
Please enJOY Tea Time with Tracy & Joanie: (The video below is a book discussion/conversation unscriptedand long…we just talked and recorded. Sorry, You’ll have to put up with my “and umm’s”…It’s totally tough for me to watch/listen to myself on camera, ugh! However, Chato Stewart, Mental Health Humor, suggested a video would be helpful to others. You’ll benefit by what Tracy Anglada articulately has to say! We both hope this recorded conversation is helpful to You on some level, no matter how small!:)
SETTING the TABLE STRAIGHT:
FY: i am NOT trying to plug/sell my friend’s book (she wrote this a while back anyway)…this tea time…just heart-felt sharing/making You aware of what i know IS a GREAT helping tool for any parent, caregiver or friend of a younger (or older one) living with Bipolar Disorder! Younger ones who may be struggling with Bipolar Disorder will find this book encouraging as well!:)
FY: i wear a scarf by Awake-choice (in this video) as a visual symbol/reminder/tribute/acknowledgement: that All-Breathing-Fragile-Life is coping and dealing with the intense…either an “intense mind,” an intense pain, an intense love, an intense emotion…an intense suffering, an intense situation — unique to all and all of us are striving to survive an intense reality!..(we all need intensecompassion to cope, eh?) i LOVE the title of my friend’s book: Intense Minds (copyrighted back in ’06.) Do You have an Intense Mind?!
About the book:
“Young people with Bipolar Disorder and adults who grew up with the condition speak out to share how they experienced the symptoms of this illness during their youth and how it affected their functioning in school, at home and with friends. Their insightful comments, woven together by the author, form a stunning picture of the young person’s internal experience. The reader will come away with a new understanding of these young people and a renewed commitment to make a difference by reaching out to help.”
Oh, BTW: some reviews:
“Tracy Anglada has broken new ground with Intense Minds. While most books speak about the children and their feelings, hers is the first to capture the children articulating what they truly feel themselves: their impossible levels of frustration and irritability, their episodes of emptiness or manic energy, their severe difficulties in the academic environment, and their dread of night time due to their propensity to suffer horrific images and scenarios while sleeping. One comes away with such admiration for these children and adolescents for soldiering on despite these terrible burdens, and for the author who took the time to listen and put their words to paper. Parents, clinicians and educators must read this first-of-its-kind book.” Demitri F. Papolos, M.D. and Janice Papolos, Authors of The Bipolar Child.
“I couldn’t put this book down until I had read it cover to cover, but be forewarned, it could make a grown man cry. Using their own words, Anglada skillfully brings to life the internal experiences of bipolar children and adolescents. Her book breathes life into the abstract diagnostic labels, and will do much to improve our understanding of childhood Bipolar Disorders.” William Niederhut M.D., Author of The COBAD Syndrome
“It is deeply touching to read through the internal life of those who experience this disorder. This documentation validates their feelings and shows that they are not alone in this journey. It brings out deep compassion for their suffering and courage all in one! This is a great tribute for Bipolar children from Tracy, a must read!” Mani N Pavuluri, M.D., Associate Professor & Director, Pediatric Mood Disorders Program, Institute for Juvenile Research and Center for Cognitive Medicine.
Looking forward to You getting in on the conversation, leave us a comment or question (we will “try” to address during next tea time). IF You would like to read Intense Minds…You can find it on Amazon….cause Tracy has been so very kind to share/give away this book (including my copy to me) that she doesn’t even have any in her possession. If anyone out there is in need and cannot afford one on Amazon..i’ll give You my personal copy…just let me know..Okay. Happy Reading! and…
Blue hoodie, black jeans…books, books, books and more books…what more does one really need??…
(a bottle of wild cherry water?)…hunckered down during Tropical storm Andrea and Tornado warning/watch at my local library.
We make certain clothing choices (when it comes to extreme weather) to protect our body. With what do we protect our mind? How do we clothe it? and why?
Extreme weather does affect one’s mental well-being. Keeping kids calm is a challenge when they hear scary weather reports by accident…i try NOT to expose them to much news these days or ever! (Tornado threats scare them.)
Mr. Safety, my Hubby, who is VERY safety conscious and protective of us…decided we should still attend a local library program the kids were looking forward to (today 6/6/13)…will keep them busy and mind off things…plus, at this little library the kids section is upstairs…which most of our area/neighborhood is a flood zone and just in case…we would be safe from any storm surge there, for sure. Hoping all my readers are SAFE!:)
What irony and humor i find in…my kids being (mentally, emotionally, physically) occupied playing of all games: “twister” (at the library) during a tornado warning! Boy, aren’t there so many games in life that tie you up in knots. (i.e. Untie the ‘nots’ or knots. Break free from being enslaved by falsehoods/lies… the nots as in NOT true…and IF you accept/believe it–it will hurt You.)
i HOPE & PRAY no one was seriously injured today because of weather conditions anywhere! The very first storm of hurricane season hits land…of course, some places are experiencing storm damage, flooding. Thankfully not us. (SORRY if You are…experiencing any damage from anything that happened to go wrong for You today…Please, remember tomorrow has the potential for WONDERFUL!:)
Potential for Wonderful…that’s a positive attitude, eh? Let’s try looking at situations and people like that! Starting now…
Some titles caught my eye: Change Your Brain Change Your Body by Daniel G. Amen, M.D. clinical neuroscientist, psychiatrist, and brain imaging expert. Phsysics for Dummies by Steven Holzner, Phd, The Family Intervention Guide to Mental Illness by Bodie Morey and Kim T. Mueser, PH.D., Medical Myths that can Kill You and 101 Truths that will save, extend, and improve your life…WOW!:) You know i’m into truth and extending life…haven’t read the whole book yet…this interested me…excerpts under section “News You Can Use“…
A good laugh is good for your heart. That’s the word from researchers at the University of Maryland Medical Center. Watching a funny film may increase blood flow to the heart by up to 50 per cent. Other medical experts say laughing a hundred times a day gives the same cardio results as working out for twenty minutes.
{Any body want to test that out please and get back to me?…does anyone really keep track of how many times they laugh a day??! How about working out and laughing at the same time? Well, i’m all for working out and laughter…why not? combine the two? (slightly snarky tone)} in case you were curious–i’m standing at my computer and giggling as i compose this.
Eating just one daily serving of whole grains can help lower high blood pressure, according to a study published in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition. Examples of whole grains include corn, oats, popcorn, brown rice, whole rye, barley, buckwheat, and quinoa. The secret is to stay away from refined and processed breads. {There You have it folks…watch a funny movie and eat some popcorn…feel better!:)}
Here’s a ‘Truth’ according to the the book: Medical Myths that can Kill You and 101 Truths that will save, extend, and improve your life:
There is one organ that does not forget your pack-a-day-habit. It’s true that the sooner you quit smoking, the sooner your body begins to forgive you. Within eight hours of quitting, the nicotine and carbon monoxide levels in your blood reduce by half, oxygen levels return to normal, and your circulation improves. In twenty-four hours carbon monoxide and nicotine are eliminated from your body, and in forty-eight hours the decline in lung function and excess risk of lung cancer halts. One year after quitting, your risk of a heart attack reduces by half compared with that of a smoker. After being smoke-free for fifteen years, your risk of a heart attack falls to the same as someone who has never smoked.
But unlike your heart or lungs, your colon is not so forgiving. Researchers have discovered that smoking creates a type of genetic damage known as microsatellite instability (MSI) that leads to colon cancer. MSI interferes with the ability of cells to repair damaged DNA, a process crucial to preventing damaged cells from turning cancerous. This research shows us that things we do can actually cause genetic changes in cells that may initiate a tumor. It is one more reason to STOP SMOKING-and all the more reason to be watchful and conscientious about screening for this common cancer.
{i’ve never smoked so, it’s hard for me to understand the draw to smoking/why any one would begin and so, it’s difficult for me to understand how some find it hard to stop…but i understand why someone would want to stop…and i encourage any of my readers who are “trying” to quit…don’t give up & with support and skills: You can Stop!:)
EnJOYed this “Recipe for Supportive, Low-Stress Communication with Someone Who has a Mental Illness”
Listen, just listen.
Don’t overload the conversation with your input.
Speak calmly, without heightened emotions.
Speak clearly and use simple words.
Be direct.
Don’t argue.
Show understanding, hope, and positive feelings.
This recipe can be helpful to everyone in your family, but your relative’s symptoms make it particularly important for you to use these skills. ~The Family Intervention Guide to Mental Illness
These points remind me of an ancient scripture that sums it up well:
“Every man must be swift about hearing, slow about speaking, slow about wrath;” (James 1:19)
Obviously, i should apply this point now…& shut up & listen up!:) Our choices can protect us. Our choices can endanger us. The words we choose can hurt or heal, help or harm. It’s important what we feed our body, what we feed our mind.
Check this out from: Change Your Brain Change Your Body, use Your Brain to Get and Keep the Body You Have Always Wanted:
The Brain is the most complex organ in the Universe. Respect it.
Protect Your Brain. Be conscious of how precious it is to you and your loved ones.
One prescription does not work for everyone–we are all unique and you need to understand how your personal brain functions.
Negative Thinking…We have conducted studies that show that focusing on the things you don’t like lowers brain activity, causes your heart to beat faster, increases blood pressure, and negatively affects many systems in your body. Negative thinking can also sabotage your efforts to lose weight, start an exercise program, or quit smoking.
Eat a Good Diet. Getting good nutrition is essential to good brain function and to a better body. A healthy diet includes lean protein, fruit, vegetables, nuts and healthy fats like olive oil. Studies show your brain works better if you eat nine servings of fruits and vegetables a day.
Practice Gratitude. When you focus on what you love, your brain works better, you are more coordinated, and you feel better. Write down five things you are grateful for every day. In just three weeks you will notice a significant positive difference in your level of happiness.
Relax. Learning how to counteract stress and calm your body helps your brain work better, puts you in a better mood, reduces high blood pressure, and protects you from disease.
Treat Mental Disorders. A strong link between mental disorders and physical illnesses and conditions has been well established. Treating mental conditions improves brain function and general health and well-being.
5 Things i’m grateful for today:
Breathing,blinking,thinking, living,loving. What 5 things are You grateful for today?
Here’s a little tidbit from Phsysics for Dummies 1, 2nd edition page 291: How the Elephant got its ears: A physics lesson in body design:
As bodies become larger, their volume grows faster than their surface area. Cooling a larger body becomes more difficult because for every unit of volume of the body, there’s less surface area through which the heat can escape. This idea also applies to animals, and it partly explains why the elephant needs such large ears. Because an elephant has such a large body, it has lots of heat to conduct through its body and then from its skin to the air; but relative to its large volume, the elephant doesn’t have much surface area through which to conduct heat. So the elephant sports two great big ears, with a large surface area, through which to conduct away its heat.
Saw Sweet Sight…on way home: Make Way for Ducklings
This clothing protects the brain/body no matter what:
“Clothe yourselves with the tender affections of compassion, kindness, lowliness of mind, mildness, and long-suffering. . . . Clothe yourselves with love, for it is a perfect bond of union.” (Col. 3:8, 12-14)
PEACE to YOU & Have a NICE Day–no matter what the weather!
A post: a bout: P.arlaying paralyzing A.nguishing angst I.ntensifying intensity N.umbing numbness!…yeah, You’re right!…i write a bunch of jibberish…tell me: how do you write past the pain? or to the pain? or away from it? some embrace it…do YOU? how do i hold a porcupine close and NOT bleed?…carefully. As in CARE…(about it or for it) FULLY– only 2 words?!
This post is dedicated to ALLSUFFERERS: aka ALL BEAUTIFUL-BREATHING-FRAGILE-LIFE…where do i begin? what do i say? how do i express this?
Paralyzing…anquish of mind, heart, body…intense time of numbing neediness!
(may be??? writing about pain is a selfish attempt to numb my own…No!, this exercise is a “clean room”…always a clean room: the air quality is PURE here: that’s all i breathe!…believe it.)…
1 definition i read: “A sensation of physical discomfort, whether moderate or severe; also acute mental or emotional distress.”
“All creation keeps on groaning together and being in pain together until now.”—Romans 8:22.
Pain the common shared human experience connecting us to each other and expressed with infinite diversity: we all express it everyday…our words, our actions, staying in bed, getting out of bed, the clothes we wear…the music we listen to, the music we make…the poetry we read and write…a common work of humanity: finding healthy pain management that actually works and works well. (Need some anesthesia about now??:)
”John J. Bonica, perhaps the foremost authority on pain, said: “From the dollars and cents point of view, and from the point of view of human misery, chronic pain is more important than virtually all other health-care problems put together.” excerpt ~More than a Cruel Enemy
Back in ’80′s…”The Nuprin Pain Report on “The High Cost of Pain” showed that 550 million workdays are lost each year in the United States because workers suffer pain of one kind or another. Headaches topped the list with 157 million workdays lost. Bone-joint pains of various kinds ranked second with 108 million lost workdays. Then followed 99 million workdays lost for stomach pains, 89 million for backaches, 58 million for muscle pains, 25 million for menstrual pains, and 15 million for dental pains.”
Check out what the American Academy of Pain Medicine says on-line:
“According to a recent Institute of Medicine Report: Relieving Pain in America: A Blueprint for Transforming Prevention, Care, Education, and Research, pain is a significant public health problem that costs society at least $560-$635 billion annually, an amount equal to about $2,000.00 for everyone living in the U.S. This includes the total incremental cost of health care due to pain from ranging between $261 to $300 billion and $297-$336 billion due to lost productivity (based on days of work missed, hours of work lost, and lower wages).”
What’s Your definition of well? How do You manage Your pain? (May be, this post will help a little?)
My management choice: HOPE! cause a life without hope is like a life without love and what’s life without love???
Isn’t that what love/compassion brings to life: HOPE!
Each of us know our personal pain. Each of us has our own set of subjective, nuanced words to best describe the pain we know, the meanings of which we understand from our own life experience. My Dad, Isaac, Ike aka Big Ike…had his own expression to measure “it”:
“a pain where a pill can’t reach!”
Is that how you would describe it? What does your pain feel like? What does your pain look like? What words do you choose to communicate your pain? It’s hard to find the words, eh? If we find the right words, we are also better able to communicate what we need to help us with our pain. Finding understanding is necessary to better pain management and with understanding come some relief! When one fully understands “pain”…one can learn compassion!:)
Comfort feels so good…i like it better than pain. How about You?? Some look to scientists for relief. Others look to spirituality/God for comfort. Some look to both for better pain management.
The book “Dieu existe? Oui.” (Does God Exist? Yes.) gives this opinion by naturalist Professor Grassé: “A world without God is an absurdity. Man without God loses all signification; maybe he is not even a man anymore. In any case, a man without God is incomplete. I believe that a researcher or scientist who does not accept God is depriving himself of a comprehension of the universe. God is the only key to understanding the world.”
As You know, pain comes in a wide-range and wide-variety of many shades and flavors. From an itch you can’t stop scratching to the onset of labor pangs…when your baby’s head is crowning and your insides are being pushed/ripped out…There’s the pain of a sunburn to a 3rd degree burn…the pain of losing a loved one in death or the pain of losing your healthy mate to a debilitating disease…or the loss of love to betrayal and as Alanis Morissette sings: “You oughta know”… then there is the pain of a parent when a child is seriously injured or sick and the parent cannot alleviate their child’s suffering…well, we can kiss our baby’s boo-boos. Keep kissing boo-boos!:)
Man’s pain is voluminously documented throughout history in countless books, music, movies, poetry…art, comedy, etc.
For example, Paradise Lost the epic by John Milton. Notice this from Wikipedia: Paradise Lost:
In his introduction to the Penguin edition of Paradise Lost, the Milton scholar John Leonard notes, “John Milton was nearly sixty when he published Paradise Lost in 1667…Having gone totally blind in 1652, Milton wrote Paradise Lost entirely through dictation with the help of amanuenses and friends. He also wrote the epic poem while he was often ill, suffering from gout, and despite the fact that he was suffering emotionally after the early death of his second wife, Katherine Woodcock, in 1658, and the death of their infant daughter (though Milton remarried soon after in 1663).[12]
Leonard also notes that Milton “did not at first plan to write a biblical epic.” Since epics were typically written about heroic kings and queens (and with pagan gods), Milton originally envisioned his epic to be based on a legendary English or Saxon king like the legend of King Arthur.
“Milton wanted to be a poet, but the England of his day was in the throes of revolution…Describing his early spiritual interests, Milton wrote: “I began by devoting myself when I was a boy to an earnest study of the Old and New Testaments in their original languages.” Milton came to regard the Holy Scriptures as the only sure guide in moral and spiritual matters. But his examination of the accepted theological works of the day left him thoroughly disappointed. Determined to measure his beliefs strictly “against the yardstick of the Bible,” Milton began listing key scriptures under general headings and quoted Bible texts from these lists.”
“Today, John Milton is best remembered for composing ParadiseLost, a poetic retelling of the Biblical account of man’s fall from perfection. (Genesis, chapter 3) It is primarily this work, first published in 1667, that earned Milton literary fame, especially in the English-speaking world. He later published a sequel entitled ParadiseRegained. These poems present God’s original purpose for man—to enjoy perfect life in an earthly paradise—and point to God’s restoration of Paradise on earth through Christ. In ParadiseLost, for example, Michael the archangel foretells the time when Christ will “reward His faithful, and receive them into bliss, whether in heaven or earth, for then the earth shall all be paradise, far happier place than this of Eden, and far happier days.” ~excerpt of article entitled: John Milton’s Lost Treatise
A movie example: what’s worse/more painful: death or
To the Pain:
Quotes from the Princess Bride (on-line):
Prince Humperdinck: First things first, to the death. Westley: No. To the pain. Prince Humperdinck: I don’t think I’m quite familiar with that phrase. Westley: I’ll explain and I’ll use small words so that you’ll be sure to understand, you warthog faced buffoon. Prince Humperdinck: That may be the first time in my life a man has dared insult me. Westley:
It won’t be the last. To the pain means the first thing you will lose
will be your feet below the ankles. Then your hands at the wrists. Next
your nose. Prince Humperdinck: And then my tongue I suppose, I killed you too quickly the last time. A mistake I don’t mean to duplicate tonight. Westley: I wasn’t finished. The next thing you will lose will be your left eye followed by your right. Prince Humperdinck: And then my ears, I understand let’s get on with it. Westley:
WRONG. Your ears you keep and I’ll tell you why. So that every shriek
of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish.
Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out, “Dear
God! What is that thing,” will echo in your perfect ears. That is what
to the pain means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in
freakish misery forever. Prince Humperdinck: I think you’re bluffing. Westley:
It’s possible, Pig, I might be bluffing. It’s conceivable, you
miserable, vomitous mass, that I’m only lying here because I lack the
strength to stand. But, then again… perhaps I have the strength after
all.
[slowly rises and points sword directly at the prince] Westley: DROP… YOUR… SWORD!
Prince Humperdinck: [Humperdinck's mouth hangs open, drops sword to floor]
Some music strikes a chord, eh?…
“I–I am Yahweh, and besides me there is no savior.” (Isaiah 43:11) and “He (Yahweh) will wipe out every tear from their eyes, and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore. The former things have passed away.” (Revelation 21:4)
(This is one of my favorite photos of my hubby, Chato Stewart, who at times in his life has struggled with NSSI, Suicide Ideation and Bipolar Disorder. i LOVE this photo…it serves as a visual reminder that captures the essence of His personality and helps me distinguish the “real” person from the “symptoms” of his mental illness. For context, check out: Suicide Prevention – Constant Vigilance and Ongoing Education.)
Sadly, self-injury and self-injurers are misunderstood by many including caregivers, partners and parents.
Here’s a definition and information from: The Self-Injury Foundation (a 501(c)(3) Michigan nonprofit organization.) Crisis Line Numbers for immediate help: 800-273-TALK (8255) 800-SUICIDE (784-2433) 800-334-HELP (4357) Please call NOW for help.
NSSI is the most recent term is Non Suicidal Self-Injury (NSSI). This term was coined in an effort to distinguish Suicidal Self-injury (e.g. self harm designed to end one’s life) from Non suicidal Self-Injury (e.g. self-harm designed as a coping strategy). This term is consistently utilized by researchers and will most likely become the predominant term for this class of behaviors.
Definition: The definition of NSSI is the deliberate harming of one’s body, resulting in tissue damage, without the intent of suicide, and is not culturally sanctioned by the society in which one lives.
Self-Injury can include but is not limited to the following behaviors:
Scratching (Excoriation)
Cutting
Burning
Hitting or Biting Oneself
Ingesting or Embedding Toxic Substances or Foreign Objects
Hair Pulling
Interfering with the Healing of Wounds
It is not uncommon for self-injurers to engage in more than one form of self-injurious behavior(Briere & Gil, 1998)
A recent research study of 2,875 college students showed a lifetime prevalence of 17% (Whitlock, 2006)
Here’s insightful Q & A (i read from the Self-Injury Foundation):
Q: What’s wrong with self-injury? It makes me feel better!
A: The true issue is that self-injury is not the real problem.
The real question to ask yourself is, “To feel better from what?”. Self-Injury is a coping strategy, but an unhealthy one, similar to putting a band-aid on a festering wound. Unless you understand and work on the underlying cause, it will just keep coming back, which is why most self-injurers keep injuring. It might make you feel better temporarily, but it is not actually helping you to get healthier.
It’s best to view an impulse to injure as a “clue” that you are not wanting to “feel or deal”; that is, to feel an uncomfortable feeling such as anger or sadness, or to deal with a difficult situation.
Q: What am I supposed to do when I have an impulse to self-injure?
A:It is important to recognize that impulses to self-injure are actually ”clues” that you don’t want to feel or deal with something. Many people who injure are afraid to feel specific emotions such as fear and anger. The goal is to learn to identify those feelings and understand and face the fears you have about those emotions.
i read this very helpful on-line article interviewing young people entitled: Why do I cut Myself? Here’s what 2 young people had to say:
Did hurting yourself make you feel better?
Kathy: It’s almost like a form of crying. I felt better after I cut myself the same way that some people feel better after a good cry.
Lorena: Self-injury was like puncturing a small hole in the balloon of negative emotions inside me. It wouldn’t pop; it would just leak and let all the negativity out slowly.
What was a turning point for you?
Lorena: I told my mom what I had been doing. I also got help from a doctor, who helped me control my negative emotions…I had a few setbacks[...]
Perhaps I will always struggle with occasional feelings of worthlessness, but when they arise, I try not to let them rule me.
Kathy: I eventually confided in her (a friend 10 years older). To my surprise, she too had once struggled with cutting. I didn’t feel awkward talking to her because she had been through it herself. I also got help from a doctor, who helped me and my parents to understand what I was going through.
i found it Noteworthy that these “young” people (interviewed in the article: Why do I cut Myself?) mentioned something ”ancient” that aided them in learning healthy habits:
Diana: The Bible has helped me to realize that I can’t fight this on my own.
Kathy: Reading the Bible—and knowing that its message comes from God—gives me such deep comfort!
Here’s 3 Helpful Tips for Caregivers, Partners and Parents:
Please Watch for Signs! For example, is your loved one always wearing long-sleeves or hiding parts of their body? Could be hiding marks and scars. My husband would cut, burn/brand his upper arm or thigh. (We lived in a cold climate which made it easier to hide behind layers of clothing.)
Don’t be afraid to open up dialogue! MANY times self-injury is a desperate call for help to deal with emotional distress. Talk things out. Talk about self-injury with the person and discuss ways to stop the behavior. Discuss alternative, healthy ways to manage strong emotion. Encourage the person to…
Seek treatment!My hubby, Chato Stewart, has successfully learned healthy coping skills and I am very proud of his progress!! The coping strategy that worked for him wasn’t poem writing. Rather, it was the mental health cartooning he began in 2008 that helped him–you can check out his blog: Mental Health Humor. It’s been 5 years, 1 month and twenty-nine days and counting! He claims it was the cartoons and drawing them about mental health issues that helped free him from the malproductive coping skill NSSI. Your loved one can do the same–SUCCEED with help and support! (Does your loved one need a creative outlet to help manage emotion such as drawing or painting, etc.?)
Don’t We All Need Help and Support including Caregivers and Partners?
You can make it through the dark if someone’s holding your hand…Take the hand! Hold onto it!
During dark times when I felt all alone with a problem unique to my circumstances, this scripture was comforting:
“For I, [Yahweh Your God], am grasping your right hand, the One saying to you, ‘Do not be afraid. I myself will help you.’” (Isaiah 41:13)
As Caregiver and Partner, we don’t have to be afraid or frightened by disturbing behavior.We can get help! We can get educated and take action to encourage our loved one to recover. We all have stuff to learn…me too! Some of us have learned positive, healthy coping strategies for stress, distress and problems. Some of us have not yet learned these skills. If we know something someone else does not–this does not make us superior.We are just at different learning stages in life. With more knowledge comes more responsibility. A responsibility to teach and help those who are in need of learning life-saving skills. (When one chooses compassion, one chooses to humbly assist others wherever the need may be.)
Let’s not hinder the learning process for others by being unkind or unsympathetic. Those who use self-injury to cope may have very low self-esteem or are dealing with self-hatred. PLEASE let’s: show love,be gentle, build them up and not tear them down!:)
For example if someone is illiterate, you teach them to read! You don’t insult them, degrade them about it. Loving, compassionate, patient teachers are effective! As Caregivers and Partners in Wellness, we have a lot to teach one another. One subject worth learning well is changing unhealthy behavior like non-suicidal self-injury (NSSI).
Remember: “We got each other and that’s a lot for love…Whoah, we’re half way there…livin’ on a prayer…Take my hand, we’ll make it!!” Hoping this Bon Jovi” tune will encourage You to HOLD ON and “Keep Livin’ on a Prayer”…:)
Baby, it’s OKAY…we’ll make it: TODAY!:)…that’s the key: one day at a time….minute by minute, hour by hour…HOLD ON EVERYONE!!
WARNING: Before reading this blog, please note the topic of Self-Injury or Non-Suicidal Self-Injury (NSSI), may be very difficult for some to take! Please read at your own discretion and risk.
(Please know: I have my Husband’s permission to publicly speak about this private matter.)
This post could be liken to fingernails scraping a blackboard or worse; SORRY! ‘Brave’ enough? - Read on:
Caregiving and coping with the very disturbing behavior of a mentally ill partner is like playing and surviving an extremely dangerous sport!
(FYI: As a Mother of 4, who doesn’t want her kids or anyone’s getting hurt, I don’t recommend extreme sports!) Can we have fun without endangering ourselves or getting hurt?Okay, THANKS for listening; enough mothering for now. Back to the topic at hand: NSSI.
Learning to Survive the Emotional Tsunami…
Cutting, Burning and…Poetry? Oh My!
Being married to Mental Health Humor cartoonist, Chato Stewart, for over two decades has been filled with ups and downs. VERY HIGH-HIGHS and very low-lows…extreme ebbs and flows. Our courtship and first half of marriage was beautiful, loving, joy-filled times–blessed to have married the man of my dreams and then unsuspectingly appearing (due to illness)…the man of my nightmares…the full-blown, extreme-range of intense joy and intense pain, intense emotions is beyond the limitations of my words.
CHATO is one of my greatest teachers!:) Important lessons of love, forgiveness and compassion i’ve learned through our life and struggles together. Looking back to the early years of our relationship, I can see some signs of hypomanic episodes now.
At the time, he enjoyed sweets and Chato learned to think of his mood swings as sugar highs and his lows as sugar crashes. Yes, we were young and in love, ignorant and uneducated about mental illnesses.
When things got really bad, we identified it as his Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde appearances. We managed these seemingly random appearances as best we could with lots of love, faith, forgiveness and hope! It wasn’t only Bon jovi “livin’ on a prayer“…we were, too.
He “secretly” resorted to branding and burning himself to cope with stress, distress, problems, etc. It happened late at night, when I was asleep, unaware and he was up very late alone. Upon discovery, it totally terrified me!!(I cannot adequately put into words the nightmarish, crushing feelings of distraught and despair and utter helplessness when you witness by accident someone you deeply love deeply hurt, burn, cut, brand themselves on purpose!!:(
The first time, I lacked understanding and ability to process this disturbing incident…I had no previous frame of reference on which to draw…why would he be hurting himself on purpose and what is going on??? What does it mean??? How do I make him immediately stop?!?! Oh GOD, PLEASE HELP HIM! Am I asleep and/or can somebody PLEASE wake me up fast from this horrific nightmare?!
It was traumatizing, paralyzing and I lost a measure of innocence…my naturally optimistic view of things, my very-rosy-colored glasses I was wearing (due to my stable, sheltered, loving, family upbringing/background) were now cracked; not shattered! (i choose to wear compassionglasses…which are rosy and cracked, too.)
My view, my eye-sight had now dramatically changed…an awful, terrible reality check I wouldn’t wish on anyone. My bubble was completely popped! (I only found out later (after our marriage), he dealt with cutting as a teen which progressed to burning/branding as a young adult.) He did talk about the topic of “pain” during our courtship and we had very deep conversations on a wide-variety of topics.
He “explained” he liked pain! “Physical” pain to release/blow off steam of unbearable “emotional” pain (His explanation was of little comfort to me.)…that’s weird, bizarre - not symptoms of ?…I was unaware and didn’t fully realize all the deep pain (emotionally) he was dealing with from his childhood and back-ground. We grew up in different worlds.
I didn’t get it – he was mentally sick and needed professional help!…I had inklings, fringes, pieces of memories and stories he told me during dating…but didn’t put the complete puzzle together till years later that he was using self-injury as a coping skill…and in his case, he was trying to avoid suicide.
After this first, terrible incident (and other self-injury incidents), he would act “normal” (sorry if that word is offensive, cannot find any other one.) What I mean by “normal”…is He acted like nothing happened and his torment, torture was over for him; not for me! He was pretty good at hiding this disturbing secret/behavior for a long while and I “stupidly” missed the signs! Strike one.
Some are afraid of the dark. They turn on a light. The light was now on this dark, disturbing behavior…becoming aware and educated gave me courage. (Prayer did too.) The dark isn’t scarey anymore!:) Don’t face the dark alone. Keep the lights on! I found a lot of comfort and strength in ancient wisdom (Bible reading). (How do you talk about NSSI with your family or his…we didn’t!)
Psalm 119:105 “Your word is a lamp to my foot,
And a light to my roadway.”
Please, seek help for Your loved one who may be using self-injury as a coping strategy for emotional distress!! (Your loved one can learn positive, new coping skills. My hubby did and has been free from self-injury for 5 years, 1 month and twenty-seven days and counting! i am VERY proud of his progress!! He has written publicly on this topic (in his blog) to help encourage others in their personal struggle to learn healthy coping behaviors.
Remember, your loved one(s) needs love, support and patience from You! It may take a while to unlearn unhealthy habits and learn new, healthy coping skills! Cheer them on and don’t condemn.:)
I love writing poetry. For me, it’s a healthy strategy to positively manage my deep emotion…Chato never wrote a single poem till we started dating. He has written me many beautiful, loving, endearing poems through the years for which I am thankful!!
As time went by and his illness surfaced…the dark, disturbing, morbid, gruesome, frightening poetry started to emerge and some times, it was aimed at me. It mostly dealt with death and his wanting to end the pain… Should I share a poem with you?…hmmm, NOPE!…
However, Chato said YES!
Written for my wife Joan for our 15th anniversary.
By: Chato 10/6/06
Dear Love
Dear love, true love, peacemaker and balance to my soul.
Once, you were a labyrinth that none could follow. Now I have mapped you out on my heart and found the way to wonders, to love, to peace.
The Path with its over growth and obstacles I bared, with the bones of lost love littered about. Unworthy and unable to make their way to you, doomed to the labyrinth they lay. Yet I have way to your heart Dear love, and you to mine.
As time has passed, the days gone by have learned me this lesson true.
That dear love is true love that endures each day and everlasting, as long as I have you.
——————
Published in Local Paper and Won an award
Here’s the very next poem he gave me just 6 days later:
10/12/06 Daunted Love
Daunted Love, lost lust, cold ice water fills your vine. Grapes of wrath spoiled and tart are your kisses without sweetness, swarming death in your heart. Blind to the facts as you live by your truth. More important are the frills of life so your image will not tarnish, more important then even me who once was. You follow beliefs that make you clean to the fact that you are untouchable. Yet the spirit has long been dead.
Spoiled, rotten, festering flesh, cast off even by your touch. I have done all to serve you but true to your cold heart you remain.
More important you are on your high pedestal, totting about as you look down with the smug heart doing the deed you promised as a cold deed that needs doing.
Rejected, you cast me away not to touch always. Rejected, you cover yourself in a shroud of lies. Rejected, you make me the villain as if I plot your demise.
It is easy for you, you and your high pedestal. Do just what is called for never doing what I need, doing what gets you by.
Daunted Love, lust lost, last love, done.
As a Caregiver and Partner who chooses compassion…it can be VERY difficult learning to cope/deal with unexpected, disturbing, extreme behavior from Your Partner such as cutting, burning and then hurtful, gruesome poetry/words, (imagine what it’s like: you “think” all is well & your hubby has left you a love note and you find a suicide note instead!:(…a double whammy of incredible emotional pain!…it’s one thing to see your loved one in pain due to illness and then it’s quite another thing to see them self-inflict i.e. cut themselves: bleed or burn themselves on purpose. (It’s torture.) When it comes to suicide prevention and self-injury prevention, i’ve learned the importance (and meaning of) CONSTANT VIGILANCE!
Read an article “Harm’s Way” in WebMd…about Self-embedding being a psychiatric disorder involving deliberate, non-suicidal self-injury. The article highlighted: “As many as 6% of teenagers admit to inserting objects under their skin.” “While some researchers consider embedding and other forms of NSSI a symptom of borderline personality disorder, it happens in people with other disorders, as well as in people without another diagnosis.”
{Just when one thinks they know it all/heard it all -lol…I only found out while sharing this post with Chato, that he too did embedding with nails and staples using a commercial staple gun not a paper one; Ouch!}
The article went on to mention: “Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) which is used to treat borderline personality disorder, also seems to help reduce self-injury. DBT is a type of cognitive behavioral therapy that teaches patients skills to cope with and change unhealthy behaviors.”
GET EDUCATED. STAY SAFE. NEVER GIVE UP HOPE!
Are You a Caregiver or Partner or Family Member, Friend learning to cope with or deal with extreme behavior?! Does your loved one need to learn better, healthy, positive coping strategies for stress, emotional distress and problems?! Are you suffering from heartache, heartbreak, shattering circumstances as caregiver and partner?! Get some help and support asap (from trusted sources).
From my personal learning experiences, I found superglue in spirituality. Hoping you find some superglue, too! (If you don’t mind, I’ll be sharing some glue in my posts.) Can’t help but think about all the healing that happens when people generously share “good” things!
THANK YOUto ALL who have shared Good Things with me & my family!!
Please Continue reading about Non-Suicidal Self-Injury in Part 2…THANKS!:)
What does the number 44 mean to You? Anything? On March 25th, i turned 44. Or as my kids remind me: 6 years from the big 5-0. Oh No?!…NO! save the Happy Birthdays, PLEASE!:)…i don’t celebrate the day of my birth. You’re thinking?…What’s up with that?? Yeah, this chick…ummm excuse me, “mature” woman is strange. (Please check out at the bottom of this post for more on birthdays.)
Here’s what’s up: i’m THRILLED to be alive. Life is a sacred gift. THANKFUL to my parents. Each breath, each day, each “bd” is an undeserved kindness. However, it won’t be until after i take my last breath will anyone truly/accurately know what the label/description my parents gave me: Joan Winifred…means: My name, my personality, my life’s course, my life’s work. Will my pattern of living/life demonstrate love, compassion, wisdom, justice?? The label “Winifred” means “peaceful friend”…is that what i will prove to be?? Depending on my choices and depending on what my friends think (IF i have any by then). The label “Joan” which is a Hebrew name means (according to stuff i’ve read) God is gracious or Yahweh is merciful or gift from God. Joan is sometimes considered the female version of the name John. What is your name? What does it mean? Do you like your name?
Growing up had nicknames: “ugly” and “joanie boney–skinny like a stick of macaroni”-lol aka “boney” for short..laughing out loud as i write this:)…not upset by this at all…NOT condoning name-calling, etc…it was in fun among those who i knew loved me that would tease me i.e. relatives, etc…i think it’s kinda healthy to be able to laugh at yourself! These nicknames were NOT used maliciously…well, not by everyone, who used them…and figured (as a kid) IF i was truly that hideous/repulsive looking people probably would feel bad for me & nobody would have the guts to tell me straight to my face…or atleast, i hoped!:) (Actually, “boney” became an odd term of affection…still used.) Though, i understand all too well that people use “skinny” like they do fat. And i’ve definitely been an object of hatred/persecuted by some for a lot of reasons…including my size/outer appearance/belief system. (i’ve learned the meaning of the word “different” and what it means to be treated differently/strangely because your different/strange. Maybe, that’s partly why i’m so into compassion.) Did you grow up being treated differently? Do you like or use nicknames?
My parents instilled healthy (not inflated or deflated) esteem in me & emphasized the “inner” person and personality/positive qualities more than outer….good thing, huh?…From my experience, if you’re different or different looking…an extreme of sorts: too many freckles, too skinny, too anything…others can’t help but notice…and may be comment. It kinda draws unwanted attention! Personally, i’m not into outer appearances, i’m into inner stuff. i hate being judged by looks, physique, superficial stuff, social status, freckles. For the record, not all skinny girls have eating disorders nor aspire to walk the runway nor obsess with looking healthy/good nor counting calories. And we do eat!:) Cannot tell you how many times i’ve been asked/accused of having an eating disorder throughout my life (even now) or have been among people who are always trying to feed me or fatten me up…lol:) (i eat when/if i’m hungry. i don’t live to eat…i eat to live.) Just like there are stereotypes and/or prejudices against many people/things…you can include skinny and fat in that as well. Discussed this issue with another so-called “skinny” person and she has mentioned not-so-nice treatment: people thinking/commenting something is wrong with her cause of her size. As well as people pushing food on her constantly. Have you been treated not-so-nicely because of being either skinny or not?
Just cause a man is a muscle man…doesn’t make him inwardly strong. Just because a woman is thin…doesn’t make her inwardly weak. SORRY! to ramble…learned these past 44 years that some nicknames are really terms of affection and don’t judge ANY book/(person)…by its size, cover or title/name i.e. the “so-called” good, the bad, the ugly -or the skinny lol:)
So, what have i learned in general these past 44 years?? Anything?!?!
44 things (or may be more) learned about myself and other stuff in random order:
1. Life has its ebbs and flows. Highs and lows and learn to surf the “temporary” wave without hurting yourself or anyone else.
3. Life is work. Work is life. APPRECIATE WORK! Put forth your best effort in your work!:)
4. Say what you mean. Mean what you say aka “Let your Yes mean Yes and Your No, no!” For some context see: 1313
5. LOVE and its expression(s) is the greatest gift!
6. There is a “True” Designer/Creator/Yahweh of this Beautiful Planet/Universe just like there are “false” gods (i.e. money, belly, so-called saints and/or celebrities.) People make whatever they want their god or object of worship including themselves. If i’m in AWE of Breathing-Fragile-Life/Nature…our entire planet and universe/organization…why not be in Awe of the Designer/Organizer?? Humility/Logic tells me IF i can acknowledge so-called lower life forms are in existence i.e. bugs, worms aka life with other skill sets different than man and quality of life different than man…on the other end of the spectrum why not acknowledge so-called higher life forms with superior skill sets different than man and quality of life different than man i.e. Divine/Creator?? For context see: Significant Sky–Insignificant i
13. On the surface, what appears negative could be positive and what may initially appear positive could be negative.
14. Investigate everything. Don’t be a blind believer. Be an AWAKE accepter. Take time to build a weather/fire-resistant belief system based on evidence and truth. For context see: Go to the…Source!
24. i worry too much. For context: Read every post i’ve ever written!
25. i make a lot of lame/goofy jokes that only i find funny. (If you follow my writing, you are well-aware of this already.)
26. i’m not a people pleaser.
27. i talk back….too much.
28. i balk certain authority as well as popular opinion. i’m politically neutral. Every form of government employed by man through the centuries down to the present…epic failure when it comes to bringing compassion to everyone/All Breathing-Fragile-Life on the planet. (Reality is: Even when somebody “good” or “well-intentioned” is in power, they either die or get assassinated.) Why?? should i give my support/power aka vote over to some man/government…that could or would eventually abuse power and most likely kill someone/something. No matter how well-intentioned, qualified or likable personality…power tends to corrupt and often does. i strive to be a good citizen, i.e. pay my taxes and respect the laws of land in which i live. Personally, i don’t want any blood on my hands if i can help it…i stay out of politics by not supporting candidates who often say/do one thing out of office and then quite another thing in office. For context see: Sovereignty Soup: A World KitchenSprinkling Seeds…No Excuses – Empathy Needed
30. LOVE green and blue and purple is nice, too reminds me of lilacs…and red/orange. i would describe yellow as happy.
31. i’m emotionally too sensitive, but try hard to let logic rule.
32. Will NEVER call a priest: “father” nor will ever be a Catholic and will NEVER enter a confessional. i will NEVER be a Protestant either. Neither would i support any group/organization/business and/or religion that supports War or any abuse of Breathing-Fragile-life or is destroying lives and/or our beautiful planet. In this instance..i mean it when i say never! (May write further on this topic, but for some context see: Sprinkling Seeds…What’s Holding Your mind? What’s Holding Your heart?
36. True friends tell you what you need to hear and not what you want to hear.
35. Eat your words and swallow your pride. Humility and modesty will get you where you need/should go. Learning to eat humble pie takes time.
36. Don’t have all the answers. Always ask questions and learn something. Love learning!
37. People don’t care what i know. They care IF i care and show them that. I do CARE, too much. Unrequited love stinks…BIG time. Love is not a fear. Perfected love throws fear outside.
38. All Beautiful-Breathing-Fragile-Life has a lesson to teach me. My Hubby and Kids have taught me soooo much for which i’m THANKFUL and humbled! i LOVE all my mentors…blessed.
THANKS for reading my ramblings, etc.!:) Here’s some stuff for you to consider about birthdays:
“It is of interest to note that the most important day in the religion called Satanism is one’s birthday. Why? Because Satanists hold that each individual is a god if he chooses to view himself as one. Thus, to celebrate one’s own birthday is to celebrate the birth of a god. Of course, most people do not take such an extreme, egotistical view. Nevertheless, the book TheLoreofBirthdays states: “Other holidays lift the heart, but birthdays warm the ego.” ~Holy Days and Satanists
Choosing not to warm ego…again this year -lol:) Please Check out these interesting tidbits:
Le livre des religions (The Book of Religions), an encyclopedia widely distributed in France, calls this custom a ritual and lists it among “secular rites.” Although considered to be a harmless secular custom today, birthday celebrations are actually rooted in paganism.
The Encyclopedia Americana (1991 edition) states: “The ancient world of Egypt, Greece, Rome, and Persia celebrated the birthdays of gods, kings, and nobles.” Authors Ralph and Adelin Linton reveal the underlying reason for this. In their book The Lore of Birthdays, they write: “Mesopotamia and Egypt, the cradles of civilization, were also the first lands in which men remembered and honoured their birthdays. The keeping of birthday records was important in ancient times principally because a birth date was essential for the casting of a horoscope.”
‘Birthday parties began years ago in Europe. People believed in good and evil spirits, sometimes called good and evil fairies. Everyone was afraid of these spirits, that they would cause harm to the birthday celebrant, and so he was surrounded by friends and relatives whose good wishes, and very presence, would protect him against the unknown dangers that the birthday held. Giving gifts brought even greater protection. Eating together provided a further safeguard and helped to bring the blessings of the good spirits. So the birthday party was originally intended to make a person safe from evil and to insure a good year to come.’
“The reason [for using candles] goes back to the early Greeks and Romans who thought that tapers or candles had magical qualities. They would offer prayers and make wishes to be carried up to the gods by the flames of candles. The gods would then send down their blessings and perhaps answer the prayers.” — Birthday Parties Around the World, 1967.
Questions for Consideration:
Do you warm/grow your ego?
Do your patterns and traditions/celebrations warm/cultivate egos?
What is the difference between honor and undue honor?
Would you try a “cool” ego exercise and not celebrate your birthday?!
On your birthday, could you serve or do something nice for someone other than yourself?
Can you start a new daily pattern of expressing love/compassion for all Breathing-Fragile-Life throughout the year instead of lumping all your efforts to one day?
Is it emotionally/mentally, etc. healthy to elevate a person on a pedestal for 1 day and then knock them off the rest of the year?
Do birthday celebrations go over-board and encourage arrogance, over-consumption, over-eating, over-drinking?
Wishing YOU, my Readers: PEACE, LONGEVITY & enJOY each breath and each day!:)
How are YOU doing today? Worrying? Worried? or in a state of stress?
Personally, i am always working on NOT worrying (as much)!…i’m prone to worry. Sometimes, i worry for whomever or whatever seems to cross my field of vision on any given day…thereby crossing my field of worry, concern, care and responsibility as well.
Choosing to care and live compassion is a life-stylewhich at times causes me worry.
As Caregiver and/or Partner/Breathing-Fragile-Life, what makes YOU worry and how do You cope??
For example, did i do the appropriate thing at the appropriate time in just the right, appropriate way to help this Breathing-Fragile-Life endure their day? YES, i’m learning my limits. YES, OBVIOUSLY, i’m NOT super-girl and can’t save the world…however, IF being kind, inconvenienced…worrying and working a little harder in order to help out somebody else and make their day a little better and endurable…i’ll TRY my best and let God do the rest!
HOPE this blog helps You a little IF not, PLEASE don’t read it.
(One hebrew word tsa.rar means to be confined in a physical sense and is thus rendered ‘wrap up,’ ‘shut up,’ and ‘be cramped.’…in a figurative sense it means “grow anxious; be in sore straits.” Another word is da.’agh’, rendered “become anxious; become frighted”…it’s related to dea’ashah’, meaing “anxious care.” Insight from Scriptures)
Proverbs 12:25: “Anxious care in the heart of a man is what will cause it to bow down, but the good word is what makes it rejoice.
A good word brings some comfort and how about a good song too? The song below brings me back. Way back to another life of sorts…life pre-hubby and pre-kids…a life semi of my own. As a young student/adult and dancer…i taught an after school program for kids called “Little Feet” and they performed to this song …at East Somerville Community School…i absolutely LOVED this school which i attended in elementary…my first teacher, Miss Marjorie Fidel…loved her…along with my parents she helped instill in me a love of life-long learning and reading…still have a first reader, a favorite book, she gave me that i would grow up to read to my kids…go figure a book about clothes and animals:)…2 favorite things…yeah, what girl doesn’t like animals/clothes/fashion, but i’m not an over-consumer or slave to trends/shopping…i wear vintage…as in…usually old stuff my friends pass my way…THANKS FRIENDS i.e. MARIE:)…when they are tired/done with something, they figure…joanie probably will wear it…and i do…it’s fun piecing together my own style: goofy-looking, odd-outfits. (Why? throw it out when you can recycle? Only buy when You need something! Do you pass your old clothes on? i try.)
Anyway, back to the topic of NOT worrying: prayer, reading/meditating (i.e. ancient Proverbs or poetry Psalms), dancing/daily exercise and volunteer work/recycling what i can, work, walking, consuming in moderation…have been things contributing to my wellness and happiness…throughout my life. What helps you be worry-free? What helps your happiness?
Practicing Compassion Helps our Happiness!
Being a Partner to a person living with illness (of any kind) causes anxiety. Learning to manage anxiety is critical to well-being (which i’m learning to do). If your life circumstances are demanding or if you have a demanding job or demanding boss, demanding relatives and/or demanding friends…it’s tough! Learning to say NO should help, right?
“Anxiety can be damaging to one’s well-being. It can lead to depression, robbing one of strength and the initiative to act. There can be serious physical manifestations from worry. Observes the book HowtoMasterYourNerves: “Doctors know how anxiety can affect the body’s functions. It can raise (or lower) blood pressure; it can elevate the white blood cell count; it can suddenly affect the blood sugar by the action of adrenalin on the liver. It can even change your electrocardiogram. Dr. Charles Mayo said: ‘Worry affects the circulation, the heart, the glands, the whole nervous system.’”—By Drs. P. Steincrohn and D. LaFia, 1970, p. 14.”
Here’s 3 practical tips i found (that i like) on-line: from David Edelberg, M.D.
FIGURE THE ODDS. Try to be as objective as possible. Ask yourself, “Really, what are the chances that the worst scenario I’m afraid of will actually happen?” Fortunately, our worst fears rarely do come to pass. Few planes crash; most people won’t get the West Nile virus.
CREATE A “WORRY TIME.” Make a conscious choice to delay your thinking about a problem until a specific time every day — say between 8 and 8:30 p.m., or any other time that works for you. Then, during that half hour, concentrate on your problems all at once instead of letting bits of anxiety undermine your whole day. This does require some mental discipline. Whenever a “worry” thought drifts up (especially in the middle of the night), simply tell yourself “I will think about that during worry time tomorrow.” And then put it in a mental box and force your mind to move elsewhere.
RENAME AND MOVE FORWARD. Some worries do have a basis in reality. However, if you sit around wringing your hands in helpless despair, you’ll never get anywhere. Review the real sources of your trouble, and rename them “challenges.” Simply renaming your worries will place them within your power. Now go ahead and tackle each challenge.
Don’t worry and …
(Photos: THANKS to my young daughter taken 5/18/13 & THANKS to my hubby CHATO @ Mental Health Humor for cropping & fixing my message (on recycled paper) making it legible & blue 5/20/13.)
{FY: i really DISLIKE/HATE being judged by my outer appearance. For further context: check out: Nurturing Seedlings 2 and Compassion Culture: SPEAK it, Baby! i dislike being noticed and attention drawn to myself…so, this wasn’t an easy choice including these photos. This blog is an exercise in Being Happy and not worrying…and hopefully IF you’ve read my other writings/posts, you’ve seen the “real” me –the inner person…i value/care about inner not outer and don’t judge any book by its cover. P.S. THANKS for supporting my blog, but don’t follow me–FOLLOW COMPASSION & BE HAPPY! }
Greetings from downtown Miami!:) i am in Miami w/Hubby and Kids at the 2013 DBSA Conference.
Our girls enjoyed drawing her caricature. While the kids have been drawing various attendees/participants, i’ve been enjoying enriching conversations with them and am THANKFUL!…the kids will be drawing again Sunday (wonder who else i may meet??)
This knowledge, this seemingly power/information anyone may ‘think’ they have over me…you don’t!
