Archives for Relationships


Your Unmet Needs May Be Hiding; Find Them Here

This week I wrote an article about what to do if you're falling for your therapist. In short, you share this with your therapist (as awkward as it is). That's because your feelings for your therapist often reveal your unmet needs. A woman who imagines her therapist as the ideal husband, because he's patient and understanding, wants those qualities in her own marriage. A man who loves his therapist because she's nurturing may be missing this nurturing in his own life.

Together, the clinician and client explore the unmet needs that underlie these feelings. Then they work on finding healthy ways to met these needs (since a romantic relationship with the therapist, of course, is off limits).

I think this applies to all of us.

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Body Image

What We Want to Remember

I recently discovered a new-to-me blog by Karina Bania. This post in particular struck me. In it Bania wonders what she'll remember about today:

"Will it be the eight am beach-combing and ocean swim? The almost running out of gas on the deserted road, or the ten am piña colada that accompanied the epic wave watching laziness. Will it be the five year-old attitude and the endless sibling fighting that defined the afternoon?


Or maybe the only memory will be this sunset swim. The one where summer and fall and my girls growing selves meet. Where seasons change subtly, days blur into one another, and so many beautiful moments in life are blown into the wind."
This made me think of a journal prompt we can explore every day, something simple, in the evening:

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Self-Care Sunday: Focusing on Your Relationships

One of the most important parts of self-care is cultivating connection. This includes cultivating a connection with ourselves and with others. When it comes to others, it's important to surround ourselves with people who genuinely care about us, and to focus on building healthy relationships with those individuals.

Think of the people in your life who've been tremendously supportive. The people who've had some sort of positive influence on you. The person you can call to spill a secret to. The person you can call with good or bad news. The person who's taught you an important lesson. Who's held your hand during a rough time. Who always makes you laugh. Who truly listens. Who helped you in some sweet or compassionate way. Who accepts you for you.

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Body Image

A Unique Way to Practice Gratitude

Gratitude is a self-compassionate practice, according to therapist Lea Seigen Shinraku, MFT, who I recently interviewed for a piece on authentic ways to practice gratitude.

"Acknowledging and expressing genuine gratitude for what you appreciate in your life is a deeply kind act," she said.

I agree. When we express gratitude for anything, it deepens our connection with it, and it deepens our connection with ourselves.

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Body Image

35 Lessons on Body Image, Well-Being And Life

Today is my 32nd birthday. Every year, for my b-day, I’ve been republishing a version of the below post. It’s become sort of a tradition around here.

In it, I share what I’ve learned about body image, well-being and life in my years on this earth thus far. Why 35? Extra lessons for good measure and good luck!
1. Be you.

In all your amazing and unique glory. Trying to be like others or pretending you like something you actually don’t doesn’t work. Trust me, I’ve tried. It feels awkward and itchy. And then there’s the matter of life being too short.

Find out who you are. Explore your likes and dislikes. Explore what makes you happy. Explore what feeds you, what gets you up in the early hours of the day. Spend time by yourself. Take yourself out on dates.

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Body Image

25 Statements for Speaking Kindly to Ourselves

I love this powerful post from Joyce on 50 loving sentiments to say to our partners, family members and friends. It inspired me to think of the statements we can say to ourselves. Because so many of us get stuck in a self-critical dialogue. So many of us get stuck ruminating over the same harsh thoughts.

I'm too big to wear that. I'm not pretty or smart enough. I can't tell them no. They'll hate me! I'm such a failure. No one makes such stupid mistakes. My body is disgusting. Wow, am I an idiot.

The good news is we can change our inner dialogue. We can learn to be kinder to ourselves. With practice.

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Body Image And Self-Care: On Asking For Support

Last week I wrote about how we can ask for what we need. Because we can't expect others to read our minds. And we can't expect them to decipher our hints, jokes or passive-aggressive remarks.

That's why it's key to be clear, direct, humble and polite.

Sometimes, though, we might not have the words. We might not know what to say when we're put on the spot. Or we might be too frustrated, angry or hurt to say the words.

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Self-Care And Asking For What You Need

I talk a lot on Weightless about exploring and responding to our needs. This is a powerful way to cultivate self-compassion and a fulfilling life.

But I know it can get tricky when our needs involve other people -- which is often.

Personally, I used to assume that others, if they truly loved one, would automatically know what I needed. That's how it works, right?

Assuming that others can read our minds -- i.e., do the impossible -- can lead to a whole lot of hurt feelings, resentment, miscommunication and arguments. Because when those people inevitably don't deliver, we blame them and ourselves and still remain hungry.

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