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I lived alone for several years in my early 20s, and I often felt very alone, especially when it came to dinnertime. I loved the solitude, space, peace and quiet. But I just felt lonely.

I’d eat my meals in front of the TV and spent very little time preparing wholesome foods. I’d throw a few things together and then continue to eat odd foods like crackers with jelly throughout the night.

I felt disconnected from myself and from my body. I felt empty, and used simple carbs to fill the void.

Yesterday, Katie wrote a fantastic post (as always!) about being yourself. Basically, she blurted out a curse word in front of strangers at a networking event. The big deal? Well, Katie never curses. She did so in this case to be cool, to be liked.

Wow.

Wow because I have been there. So. Many. Times.

So many times I’ve blurted out things I didn’t really mean to fit in, or tried to make myself like something because others did (whether it was music or certain hobbies). So many times I thought I wasn’t cool enough, which translated to I wasn’t good enough.

Building relationships is hard. They’re especially hard if your inner critic, well, keeps criticizing you. Keeps telling you that you aren’t worthy as you are. That you must change in order to be liked, because why would anyone like the real you in the first place, right?

Mondays can be rough for many of us, and this doesn’t create the ideal environment for building a better body image. To help you turn that around, every Monday features a tip, activity, inspiring quote or some other tidbit to help boost your body image – and kick-start the week on a positive note.

Got a tip for improving body image? Email me at mtartakovsky at gmail dot com, and I’ll be happy to feature it. I’d love to hear from you!

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A negative body image is insidious, especially when it comes to the myths and misconceptions we create in our minds.

Especially when we start to accept the insults, the self-criticism and the warped standards as truths.

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Social support is so important in helping someone who’s struggling with an eating disorder. But how do you support someone if all they can focus on is the ED?

That’s the excellent and difficult question that reader Julie posed a few weeks ago. She wrote:

i have a good friend who is currently undergoing inpatient treatment for anorexia and bulimia. she is quite far away from where we live (canada) – she’s gone down to the states to a private hospital. before she left, i was struggling with how to support her. all she talks about is her EDs, and i constantly try not to engage in that talk because i want to remind her of her whole person, not just her ed-self. does anybody have any tips as to what i can do to be most supportive to her? i want her to feel she can talk to me about what she is struggling with, but i also don’t want to play into having her ed’s be the ONLY thing she relates to.
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we met in the hospital where we were both being treated for depression, so we have a different relationship than a lot of my other friends. i want to be a good friend but she is pretty isolated and to be honest sometimes its frustrating for me watching her struggle so much, knowing that she has so much potential. i appreciate any answers you’re able to find!

For insight, I consulted Susan Schulherr, an eating disorder specialist and the author of Eating Disorders for Dummies. (Susan also writes a fantastic blog that provides ideas and inspiration for eating disorder recovery.) Below, Susan offers her advice.

{My parents, Brian and I at Savannah, GA, taken almost three years ago}

While it’s important to build self-acceptance from the inside out, it’s also important to surround yourself with loving and supportive people who always have our hearts in mind.

My family has always made me feel beautiful. Even during those inevitably awkward adolescent acne-filled years, they made me feel beautiful.

Regardless of my weight or looks, my parents never had anything negative to say. There were no backhanded remarks or hints to lose weight.

They always supported me unconditionally in all areas of my life.

My longtime boyfriend also makes me feel beautiful, whether I’m dressed up, wearing makeup, or wearing sweats and haven’t washed my hair in a few days (which rarely happens, of course).

I have several friends who do the same. Who don’t fat talk or focus on appearances, and they’re incredibly positive.

But this wasn’t always the case.

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Here’s part three of my interview with Cathy and Julia, a mom and daughter who’ve talked candidly and thoughtfully about the effect an eating disorder has had on their relationship.

(If you haven’t yet, check out Julia’s story in part 1 and Cathy’s perspective in part 2.)

Again, I want to reiterate that families can serve an important role in helping their kids through recovery. The key is to get educated about eating disorders and help your child find someone who specializes in treating eating disorders.

Remember that EDs do not go away on their own. But they are highly treatable.

Below, both Julia and Cathy discuss what they’d like readers to know about eating disorders and more.

{Julia now}

Here’s part two of my interview with mother and daughter Cathy and Julia.

Yesterday, Julia shared her struggles with an eating disorder and how this affected her relationship with her parents. (Read it here.)

Today, Cathy shares the difficulties of understanding her daughter’s eating disorder, how their relationship suffered and ultimately how they were able to strengthen it.

I also want to mention that parents, family and friends can play an important role in helping to support their loved one through recovery. I think one of the best things you can do is to educate yourself on eating disorders.

There’s so much misinformation and confusion about what EDs are and how they’re treated. Knowing more about EDs helps you know what to expect and how to help.

Stay tuned for part three tomorrow!

Today, I’m pleased to present an interview with mom and daughter Cathy and Julia. I think this is a special opportunity to share with you both perspectives of an eating disorder told by two amazing women in their own words.

Specifically, in this 3-part interview, Cathy and Julia talk about how their relationship was affected and eventually strengthened.

But before you learn about that, in part one, Julia recounts her struggles with an eating disorder and how she’s doing now. She also talks about her relationship with her parents.

On a side note, I want to highlight something Cathy says in the interview, which I think is an incredibly common misconception.

Cathy says that because Julia was born a beautiful child and grew into a beautiful woman, she thought she’d be sheltered from societal pressures – and from an eating disorder.

Actually, I think there are two myths at play here. One, people assume that someone who’s attractive or already thin is somehow immune to body image issues or an eating disorder. (They’re not.)

We assume, “Hey, they’re pretty or skinny, what do they have to worry about?” Some of us even get offended that someone who’s already attractive would have these issues.

But anyone, regardless of their looks, is vulnerable to a negative body image. Body image issues and eating disorders don’t discriminate.

The second issue is believing that eating disorders stem from societal pressures to be pretty or skinny. While this can trigger an ED (and unfortunately, create roadblocks in recovery), remember that eating disorders are genetic. And they’re also caused by a variety of complex factors.

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“My mother is the kind of woman that people can’t just walk by…She’s beautiful. People stop on the street or crane their heads in restaurants to stare. She has really dark, long hair and big brown eyes,” 19-year-old Angie told author and body image expert Robyn Silverman, Ph.D.

(Silverman features Angie’s story in her book Good Girls Don’t Get Fat: How Weight Obsession Is Messing Up Our Girls And How We Can Help Them Thrive Despite It.*)

But she didn’t feel beautiful, and the stares and compliments didn’t matter.

“She would call herself ugly, and she’d pick at her stomach and say, ‘Italian girls aren’t supposed to be fat.” Once she said, ‘No wonder why my tummy got so big, look at you!’ and I, being a pissed-off teenager, would be like ‘Oh, so you wish I wasn’t born?”

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Last week, we talked about how to approach a loved one who’s dieting or wanting to lose weight. Several fantastic bloggers shared their advice (thanks, guys!).

But I wanted to explore this topic further because I think it’s a common predicament to be in. Many people are engaged in a cycle of yo-yo dieting and body hate.

So when your loved one says they’re onto their fifth diet, or trying out Weight Watchers (again) or counting calories to lose weight, do we support them? Do we tell them what we really think about dieting? Or do we stay quiet?