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It’s hard enough being an adult in today’s world, filled with weight-loss and diet commercials, airbrushed images, a relentless emphasis on appearance and an obsession with dieting and shame around eating.

Being a girl? Probably even more confusing and potentially damaging and demoralizing.

As I wrote in an older post on Weightless, tween and teen girls are just starting to form to their identities and figure out the world. They’re trying to make friends, yearning to belong and fit in, maybe even being bullied, dealing with a changing body, dealing with academic and other social pressures and trying to make sense of an often contradictory and damaging culture.

So what can parents and caregivers do to help girls grow up with a healthy sense of self?

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I know that we’ve talked a lot about New Year’s resolutions already. But I just came across a fantastic post by blogger and high school senior Fiona Lowenstein over at Rachel Simmons’s blog.

In it, Fiona suggests teen girls try out these 10 meaningful resolutions, instead of the usual appearance-based goals we typically see around this time.

In fact, if you’re a parent, why not talk to your kids about setting goals? You might set authentic resolutions as a family. And you might start a conversation with your child about what they’ve been reading or seeing about resolutions.

With the surge in weight-loss and diet commercials, ads and articles, this time of year is annoying at best and potentially harmful at worst. Kids soak up what they see in our shallow society and learn that beauty and thin are in — usually above all else.

But this time also presents a perfect opportunity for talking to your kids about our warped culture and body image and eating issues.

Every Monday features a tip, activity, inspiring quote or some other tidbit to help boost your body image – and kick-start the week on a positive note!

Got a tip for improving body image? Email me at mtartakovsky at gmail dot com, and I’ll be happy to feature it. I’d love to hear from you!

How do you respond when your daughter says: “I have such huge thighs, I hate them!” Or what do you do when she’s clearly wearing something that just doesn’t work?

And better yet, how do you help her cultivate a healthy body image in an appearance- and thin-obsessed society?

While it might seem impossible, there are many things you can do.

Recently, I was re-reading Dara Chadwick’s You’d Be So Pretty If…Teaching Our Daughters to Love Their Bodies-Even When We Don’t Love Our Own, and found some fantastic advice for  the “tricky body moments that sometimes crop up.”

As Dara writes, “Mothers are powerful. What we say about our bodies-and those of our daughters-has a lasting effect on the way they see themselves.”

• Watch your words. For years, I was totally 100 percent guilty of this: saying disparaging remarks about my body (and anything about myself for that matter). But here’s the thing: Your daughter is listening and watching. As Dara says, “if your daughter is in the room, think of her, and bite your tongue.”
• Question your questions. What the heck do you say if your daughter says “Are my legs fat?” or “Do these pants make my butt look big?” Dara suggests turning it around and asking what your daughter thinks. “By probing a little, you may be able to find out what she needs to hear.”
• Try a little time-travel. “Before you unleash a criticism of what she’s wearing or even the slightest comment about her body, stop, close your eyes and remember what is was like to be an adolescent.”
• Spread it around. There’s nothing wrong with praising your daughter’s or someone else’s appearance. But “just remember to dole it our fairly and not make your praise about appearance all the time for …
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Eating disorders are serious biologically-based mental illnesses, which can affect anyone.

They do not discriminate by age, gender, class, color, culture, size, shape or weight.

They cause a variety of health complications, including heart problems, electrolyte imbalances and osteoporosis.

Eating disorders also have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness.

Yes, you read that correctly.

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Today, I’m pleased to present a guest post by freelance writer Maria Rainier, who offers valuable insight into raising healthy teenage girls.

In today’s society, with its pro-dieting and pro-thinness messages, parents definitely have their work cut out for them.

But there are many things parents can do to counteract these unhealthy messages and help their kids cultivate a positive body image and self-image.

Thanks so much, Maria, for your piece!

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“My mother is the kind of woman that people can’t just walk by…She’s beautiful. People stop on the street or crane their heads in restaurants to stare. She has really dark, long hair and big brown eyes,” 19-year-old Angie told author and body image expert Robyn Silverman, Ph.D.

(Silverman features Angie’s story in her book Good Girls Don’t Get Fat: How Weight Obsession Is Messing Up Our Girls And How We Can Help Them Thrive Despite It.*)

But she didn’t feel beautiful, and the stares and compliments didn’t matter.

“She would call herself ugly, and she’d pick at her stomach and say, ‘Italian girls aren’t supposed to be fat.” Once she said, ‘No wonder why my tummy got so big, look at you!’ and I, being a pissed-off teenager, would be like ‘Oh, so you wish I wasn’t born?”

Here’s part two of my interview with author, speaker and teen and tween advocate Deborah Reber. Debbie also writes a valuable blog for girls and young women called Smart Girls Know.

(For instance, check out her spot-on post on the Vogue Paris controversy.)

Yesterday, we talked about bullying, body image and stress.

Below, Debbie discusses how teens can have a positive body image, become media literate and get empowered and so much more!

One incident has stayed in my mind for well over a decade.

When I was about 11 or 12, living in Brooklyn, my best friend, another friend and I were rollerblading to the park.

My friend and I were holding onto each other, because my rollerblading skills, well, sucked.

As we wobbled to the sidewalk, two kids from my junior high school crossed the street and started cursing at us in Russian. (My family has never used Russian curses in our home, but I could make out a few of the words, and I knew they weren’t good.)

I had this horribly get-me-the-heck-out-of-here feeling in my stomach.

I was petrified and felt like I was shaking all over. (I probably was.)

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Today, I wanted to switch gears from our New Year’s posts and talk about a critical topic: Eating disorders in kids.

Weeks ago, the American Academy of Pediatrics released a report with the following findings:

• From 1999 to 2006, hospitalizations for eating disorders increased most sharply – 119 percent – for children younger than 12 years.
• Approximately 0.5 percent of adolescent girls in the United States have anorexia.
• Approximately 1 to 2 percent meet diagnostic criteria for bulimia.
• Up to 5 to 10 percent of all cases of eating disorders occur in males.

(You can download the report here.)

To get some insight on these findings and EDs in kids, I spoke with Ovidio Bermudez, M.D., medical director of the Eating Recovery Center’s Behavioral Hospital for Children and Adolescents.

Below is part two of my interview with Harriet Brown, author of the recently released Brave Girl Eating: A Family’s Struggle with Anorexia, a memoir about how Harriet and her family helped their 14-year-old daughter Kitty recover  from anorexia. Harriet also co-chairs Maudsley Parents, a fantastic resource for parents who’re struggling with eating disorders.

In Brave Girl Eating, Harriet shows parents that no matter how difficult – and at times impossible – seeking recovery can be, there is always hope. Even in the scariest moments, keep fighting.

She teaches us the importance of educating ourselves about eating disorders. In fact, she encountered many practitioners who were either clueless about how to treat eating disorders or espoused outdated information. It’s safe to say that by researching anorexia and its treatment, Harriet saved her daughter’s life.

And – one of the most important points – that the person is not their illness.

In part two, Harriet talks more about family-based treatment, the many myths surrounding anorexia and eating disorders and how her own perceptions of weight and shape have changed.

If you missed part one, please check it out here.

Q: Even though it’s highly effective, family-based treatment (FBT), also known as the Maudsley approach, is viewed by some as controversial. Perhaps this will start to change, especially considering the recent study that showed that FBT was the most effective treatment for anorexia. What would you like parents to know about FBT?

A: I’d like parents to know a couple of things. First, FBT is the best treatment we’ve got right now for teens and children with anorexia. If your treatment providers aren’t familiar with it, or discourage it without a thorough discussion, run don’t walk to another therapist who is at least willing to discuss whether it’s appropriate for your family.