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Forgiving Ourselves

Sunday, September 21st, 2014

creative joy, purple flowers

This weekend I took out my journal and wrote a kind of letter to myself. I started with these words: I forgive myself…

I wrote down the things I am ready to forgive myself for (and a few things I am not). Maybe you, too, want to focus on forgiveness, and write about what you’re ready to let go.


The Opportunity in Every Moment

Friday, September 19th, 2014

updated pic of heart blooms, may 2013, in CT

My whole life I’ve leaned toward all-or-nothing thinking. Black or white. Binge or restrict. Terrible day or terrific.

In my mind I was either the energizer bunny or a sloth. I was either beautiful or blah. And how could I be beautiful if I was only pretty sometimes?

If I ate too much, I’d think F that, my diet is ruined! and pile on the extra helpings. I didn’t ask myself if I really wanted more, if I genuinely wanted to enjoy extra bites. No. Instead, I was focused on the fact that tomorrow I’d need to be perfect. 

Tomorrow would be the day. The day I’d follow that diet flawlessly. And then in a week, a few weeks, when I lost some weight, I could finally start taking better care of myself. I could show my face at the gym. I could finally appreciate my body. I could feel better about myself.


On Judging Ourselves And Feeling Painful Emotions

Tuesday, September 16th, 2014

permission granted, circle

I think one reason we have an unhealthy relationship with food and ourselves — eating ’til we’re uncomfortably stuffed, restricting ourselves, hurling insults, not practicing compassionate self-care — is because of judgment.

Specifically, we judge ourselves for all sorts of things. We judge our appearance. We judge our mistakes. We cling to shoulds that fuel self-judgment and keep us stuck.

I should weigh less. I should wear a size 4. I should eat less. I should never eat dessert or pizza or pasta. I should be able to do this with zero help.


Creating A Safe Space for Others

Saturday, September 13th, 2014

Amelia Island, beach, mama and Bella

Yesterday I talked about how we can create a safe space for ourselves, to listen to our needs, wants and wishes and to compassionately care for ourselves.

Today, let’s talk about how we can do the same for others. Whether this is your child, spouse, best friend or family member, here are some ideas:


Safety First: On Blossoming, Embracing Our Bodies And Practicing Self-Care

Friday, September 12th, 2014

slow, creative joy retreat

This week I talked about creating a safe space to listen to ourselves, without judgment or criticism. Because it can be scary to explore our needs and wants. Because for many of us we’re doing this for the first time.

For the first time, we’re shining the spotlight on ourselves. We’re asking questions like: What do I need to feel better? What do I want to do today? What makes me happy? 

We’re exploring — territory that might’ve gone unexplored, abandoned for years. We’re putting ourselves third, second or maybe even first. We’re actually listening.


Creating the Space to Listen to Ourselves

Tuesday, September 9th, 2014

beach, dunes, taken by mama, july 2014 w quote and cropping

A few years ago, I was walking out of our then-house to meet Brian for his birthday dinner. I was distracted and looking down at my feet, walking toward my car. Suddenly, I saw a thick, long multicolored snake in the grass.

Anyone who knows me knows that I have a palpable fear of snakes. I can’t even look at their pictures. (Seriously.)

I stopped, and started walking, slowly, back toward the door. But I kept stopping and hesitating.

I remember trying to will myself to step to the side of the snake. I remember berating myself for being so silly. You’re scared of everything! It’s just a snake! The car is so close! Only you would react this way! 


A Farewell to Your Shackles

Sunday, September 7th, 2014

bird, amelia island, 2010

You are a small, unsophisticated machine

simplistic in your function.

And yet

you rule my moods

dictate my diet

and overshadow the joys in my life.


What It Means When Something “Serves Us”

Friday, September 5th, 2014

Philly flowers

I talk often about focusing our attention on the things that serve us and letting go of the things that don’t.

For instance, in this post, I wrote: “There’s so much freedom in relinquishing the beliefs, behaviors, habits, objects, stories and people that don’t serve us.”

In this post, I said: “…saying no gives us the time, space and energy to say yes to what truly nourishes and serves us.”

But what does this really mean?


Transforming Unhealthy Self-Talk

Wednesday, September 3rd, 2014

creative joy, 2012, trust your vision

Years ago I assumed that the critical way I talked to myself was simply me being realistic, and accurate and candid. I was simply a truth teller, who could see myself — my faults, flaws — clearly.

And yet I didn’t talk to others in this way. I wouldn’t dream of it.

But for some reason I thought I deserved this tough love approach, barren of compassion. Mistakes were the end of the world. My body was grounds for constant bashing.

Some of us might not even realize the terrible way in which we talk to ourselves. It’s so automatic, so common. It might feel like another part of your daily routine. Like waking up. Like brushing your teeth. Like walking.

Or we think we deserve the harsh words. We’re too big, after all. We made a huge mistake, after all. We tend to overeat, after all. We can’t stay on a diet to save our lives, after all. We’re lazy, after all.


A Powerful Question for Making Good Decisions

Sunday, August 31st, 2014

bubbles, central park, nyc

I’ve always had a hard time making decisions (you should hear me order anything at a restaurant). When I really think about it, a big part of the difficulty is the fear of making the wrong decision. It’s the palpable yearning for perfection.

Plus, big decisions can seem so overwhelming. It’s hard to wrap your mind around questions like, What will I do with my life? Should I quit grad school? Should I move to another city? Should I buy a home? Should I buy that home? 


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