Every Monday features a tip, activity, inspiring quote or some other tidbit to help boost your body image — and kick-start the week on a positive note!

Got a tip for improving body image? Email me at mtartakovsky at gmail dot com, and I’ll be happy to feature it. I’d love to hear from you!

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This weekend I was reading this inspiring e-book, and I was especially struck by what Susannah Conway wrote:

…building a relationship with the woman you see in the mirror is the greatest gift you can give yourself.

I couldn’t agree more. I also think it’s one of the greatest body image boosters you can give yourself.

A negative body image usually starts with a focus on flaws. We nit-pick on some body part and strive to fix it, or we decide that weight loss is the answer to our prayers.

And then we start seeing ourselves as parts.

If I could just reduce my thighs. Or shrink my hips. Or whittle down my waist.

We become blocks of body parts. Which only leads us to forget ourselves. To magnify the importance of having a certain type of body at the expense of our deeper selves.

For a long time, I had no clue who I was. And I wasn’t particularly interested in finding out either. I knew that being thinner would become a panacea for my problems and I’d become this fearless, adventurous person. So I didn’t waste time with building a relationship with myself.

There was little trust between myself and I. And a whole lot of criticism.

Maybe you’ve had similar experiences. You find that you’re so fixated on the physical parts that you ignore your inner self. Or you think thinness will be the ultimate solution. Or that getting to know yourself better just isn’t worth it.

This couldn’t be further from the truth. Building a relationship with ourselves boosts our self-esteem and self-worth and provides a firm foundation that weight, shape, criticism or some other outside source can’t shake so easily.

So today, I want to talk about some of the ways we can build a positive and fulfilling relationship with ourselves. And maybe that’ll make less and less room for talks of flaws and ideal silhouettes and fantasy lives. And open up a beautiful, and beautifully messy door to our true self and an appreciation of her.

Below are just a few ideas to get the ball rolling…

1. Spend the day savoring solitude. Think of your perfect day with yourself as your date. What would you do? See a movie? Browse a bookstore? Go to your fave eatery for lunch? Check out an exhibit? Stay home and write for hours in your journal?

2. Sit with your thoughts. We ask our friends and family how they’re doing all the time. But days can easily run by without people asking themselves a simple, “How am I?” or “What have I been feeling lately?” “What thoughts are swirling in my head?” “What’s on my mind today?” Check in with yourself right now, and sit with your thoughts for five or 10 minutes. Whatever time you have, devote it to some thinking.

3. Dump those thoughts on paper. If it helps, spill your thoughts onto paper. It might help you make better sense of them. Maybe it’ll give you some direction or help you get to know yourself better.

4. Build and preserve boundaries. Any good relationship has boundaries. Boundaries are a way you protect and honor yourself. I wrote this article on boundaries for Psych Central which you might find helpful.

What are some ways you’ve been building a relationship with yourself? What would you add to the list? What’s your idea of the perfect self-date? 

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    Last reviewed: 12 Sep 2011