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On Monday’s post about the myths we create, Katie, from the always eloquent and thought-provoking blog Health for the Whole Self, left the following comment:

“I think the biggest lie I told myself was that I would only be accepted if I were thinner. I was convinced that being skinny = acceptance, and that I would be negatively judged to no end if I weren’t a size whatever. It’s silly, really, and yet it all stemmed from a deep longing to feel worthy, to feel good enough. Fortunately now I know that all of that has NOTHING to do with what I weigh.”

I see myself clearly in her words.

What particularly sparked the strong connection was this sentence: “I was convinced that being skinny = acceptance, and that I would be negatively judged to no end if I weren’t a size whatever.”

That’s because to me, thinness, too, meant approval. It gave me the permission to be present. It meant that I didn’t have to apologize for not being skinny enough, because I would be skinny enough.

That of course gave me the permission to wear what I wanted and know that no one was questioning my clothing choices because I’d finally attained beauty. Any guy would clearly like me. Any person would want to be my friend.

In fact, I could say or do anything, after I became thin.

Thinness would become my shield. Armor built of the highest quality, of the heaviest, strongest metal.

I’d never be judged again.

It sounds nonsensical now but I believed that losing weight would make me impervious to rejection and criticism (as I said in my reply to Katie: criticism from others and even myself). Somehow being thin would also make me deserving of respect and love.

Because in my eyes, mind and heart, I didn’t deserve these things right off the bat. I had to earn them.

As a bonus, this also meant that I didn’t have to work that hard on accepting and respecting myself. This meant that I could take the easy – and less worthwhile – way out without needing to dig deep and explore my own insecurities.

Our society sells us a lot of messages around thinness: that skinniness equals success, sex appeal, satisfaction, stunning looks and solid relationships, among other treasures.

It’s hard to realize that thinness doesn’t give us these things when it’s plastered all over our world.

But the worst and most expensive message of all, I think, is power. As though thinness is a super power. We can now do what we want and we hold the key to something special, something that only a select few have.

So I wonder: what does thinness mean to you if you strip away the layers of “I just want to lose a few pounds” or “I’d be so much happier skinny”? If you dig deeper, what does or did changing your appearance signify for you? Was it also a shield, a cloak against criticism?

A super power? A shiny, new you?

Weight-loss ads and shows blast these words front and center. It’s all about “the new me.” The new me who’s suddenly confident, more adventurous, happier, more successful, a better decision-maker. With a fantastic, problem-free life.

But here’s what I’ve learned throughout my thinness-yearning years: Like perfection, thinness is an illusion. A phony, placebo-laced elixir with no power, no prestige and no happy ending.

In some ways, having a positive body image means being brave. But that’s a life worth cultivating and living.

Where challenges meets meaning meets flaws meets lessons meets growth meets self-acceptance meets self-fulfillment. Where self-discovery meets self-love.

Where a physical transformation is unnecessary.

Where I am my own shield. My own armor.

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    Last reviewed: 8 Jun 2011