I’ve been both afraid of change and antsy for it.
When I fear change, I fear the unknown. I can’t plan out what will happen next, and this bothers me.
I’m slow to get comfortable when things change, unless the changes are absolutely positive, like winning the lottery (yep, still waiting on that one).
I’m also a routine-aholic. For years, I’d eat the same turkey for lunch. I’d have the same cereal for breakfast. I’d drive the same way to school. I’d park in the same place and walk the same way.
I’ve ached for change when I thought it’d bring weight loss, which to me was intertwined with beauty, happiness, sunshine and self-acceptance.
In her post on change, Karen from one of my fave blogs, Before & After: A Real-Life Story, talked about lasting change coming from inner peace. That really struck me, because I can – finally – relate to the freedom of finding inner peace. Which isn’t forced or steeped in shame. But welcoming, comforting and positive.
“Then I learned about the paradoxical theory of change, which states: change occurs when we become what we are, not when we try to become what we are not. Change does not take place through coercion, either by ourselves or by someone else trying to change us, but it does take place if we take the time and effort to be what we are – to be fully invested in our current positions. By rejecting the role of change agent, we make meaningful and orderly change possible (paraphrased from Arnold Beisser, M.D., from The Gestalt Therapy Page)
So far, this has proven itself time and again in my life: the most significant and lasting changes I’ve made have come NOT from trying to change – they have come from being at peace with myself.”
Recently, I’ve been thinking more about inner peace. I feel that I’m reaching it. Very slowly but I’m getting there. And with that inner peace, many things have changed.
I started taking better care of myself, nourishing my body, doing physical activities that I wanted, not restricting and actually giving myself credit for things.
It’s definitely been a cycle, though. Once I started moving my body, and realized that I was a strong person, I saw myself in a different light. And I started connecting, slowly, to that inner peace.
I realized that I was much stronger physically than I gave myself credit for. Maybe I was even stronger emotionally and mentally, too.
I was surprised by my strength because I rarely saw myself this way. If I saw my strength, it was fleeting. (More on this topic this week!)
But the older I get, the more I welcome change. Inner change. Inner change that comes with inner peace and vice versa.
The change that comes with reading amazing books and blogs. The change that comes with writing down my thoughts here on Weightless. The change that comes with self-acceptance.
Change, to me, signifies growth and evolving as I make sense of various insights, as I take better care of myself, as I try to overcome challenges, both internal and external.
My definition of change, has, well, changed. And this I’m not afraid of.
This post was written as part of the Self-Discovery Series. Mara, from the amazing blog Medicinal Marzipan, is hosting this month’s word: change. Learn more about participating in Mara’s post. And check out her post on change.
P.S., The winner of Katie’s e-book on overcoming emotional eating is Jodie! Please email me to claim your prize. Also, thanks so much for everyone’s comments!
Do you have a love/hate relationship with change? How have you changed throughout the years? What does change mean to you?
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Last reviewed: 20 Apr 2011