Recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about the state of my confidence (i.e., the lack thereof).
I think that I’ve healed my eating and body image issues – for the most part. Yes, I still struggle from time to time, but I’ve moved leaps and bounds from where I was.
I’m OK, even happy with my body, with the curve of my stomach and other fleshier parts. With the areas society considers imperfections or downright disadvantages.
But the insecurity that’s always lurked under each layer of “I want to be thin,” “I feel guilty for eating that,” “I need to work off that dessert,” “I need to be pretty” is still there.
My need for validation from others? Yep, still there.
My perfectionism? Yep, still gnaws at me.
My fear of making mistakes? Ditto!
It’s like a fellow writer and I were talking about: Our perfectionism has simply taken on another facade. It jumped from one concern to another.
In other words, the underlying insecurities that begged to have the best body now want to have the perfect prose. Or give the perfect presentation. And whisper, “I’m not good enough” and “I don’t believe in myself.”
There are so many times I still get anxious when pressing “publish.”
Sometimes, I fear flaws. Not others, but my own. I feel like the self-doubt surrounds me like a bubble, creating an airtight enclosure from which I can’t get out.
For me, personally, perfectionism and lack of confidence are deeply rooted. I think it’s just how I came out of the womb.
It manifests in my second-guessing and in my indecisiveness. It’s why I might not speak as loud as I’d like to. It’s why I’m a people-pleaser. It’s why I sugarcoat things sometimes. And question what I write – until I hear the sweet, intoxicating words of a compliment.
So I wonder if others feel the same way. If your insecurities have taken on another face, another issue.
Maybe it’s not your “huge hips” or those “thunder thighs,” but it’s your dirty, disgusting house or your inability to do your job right. Maybe it’s not your guilt over eating dessert, but your guilt over not being a good enough partner or mom.
Maybe it’s not your stomach, but the self-doubts about your skills.
I don’t mean for this post to be such a downer, but I think it’s important to explore our underlying doubts and insecurities.
Once we can name them, we can work to overcome them.
If you’ve healed your body image issues, do you find yourself still feeling insecure about certain areas of your life? Has your perfectionism changed its face but still stuck around? What do you do to build confidence?
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Last reviewed: 10 Mar 2011