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Thinness is a cloak.

More accurately, the desire, the seeking to be skinny is a cloak. A mask that keeps others far away. Far from finding out what makes us vulnerable. What makes us tick. What makes us…us.

It helps us lose track of our vulnerabilities, too. This way, we don’t have to pay them much, if any, mind. This way, our tunnel vision – the goal of thin – saves us from digging deeper.

It serves as a shield to protect ourselves from getting hurt.

“I have a vulnerability issue.” That’s what authenticity researcher and author Brené Brown said to her therapist in her first session.*

I definitely do, too. And I think it’s safe to say that many of you do, as well.

Instead of showing our true colors to everyone, and getting in touch with them ourselves, we hide under the painful comforts of counting calories, restricting, excessively exercising and yearning to lose weight.

We create a one-dimensional view of what it means to be a good – and deserving – person: eats “right”; exercises after she eats a big meal; only likes herself if she’s of an acceptable weight; views food as fuel, but doesn’t enjoy it; strives to achieve the perfect figure.

The perfect figure turns into the perfect facade.

We hide behind our thin dreams, thinking that once we attain a certain weight, we’ll be impervious to all the bad stuff.

So we numb our feelings – and ourselves –  by trying to attain thinness. With controlling our food intake. With structuring our days around our meals and thoughts of food.

But numbing the bad stuff means numbing the good stuff, too. “You can’t selectively numb emotion,” says Brené.

Being vulnerable means feeling your feelings.

It means letting others we trust in on our quirks – as scary as that might seem at first.

It means being authentic, being yourself and not clinging to the idea that if we just count calories, shed the weight or whittle down our problem areas that somehow we’ll become acceptable and lovable. And finally have it all.

It means not pretending that happiness is a few pounds away. It means relinquishing the idea that our bodies need to be manipulated.

It means dancing.

It means knowing that we are, indeed, enough.

This post was written as part of our Self-Discovery Series, Word by Word. The wonderful Karen from Before & After: A Real Life Story came up with the word vulnerability for this month. Please consider participating (here’s how).

* I found this fantastic video of Brené Brown’s talk on Joy’s beautiful post on vulnerability.

Is it hard for you to be yourself? Do you find it tough to be vulnerable? What does being vulnerable mean to you?

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    Last reviewed: 12 Nov 2010