Today, I’m excited to present part one of my interview with Dara Chadwick, author of You’d Be So Pretty If...Teaching Our Daughters to Love Their Bodies – Even When We Don’t Love Our Own.

I highly recommend Dara’s book to parents. It offers valuable advice in each chapter, along with a list of “body image builders” at the end of each one. She also includes slices from her life along with stories from other girls and families.

Dara also writes a fantastic blog with the same name. There, she not only talks about how moms can help their daughters build a healthy body image, but also how women can improve their own body image.

Q: In your book, You’d Be So Pretty If…, you talk about how being part of the Shape project (where you documented your weight loss with the help of a team) became a “crash course” for both you and your daughter “in what can and can’t be changed, how the media can manipulate what’s real and what isn’t, and how what we say to ourselves about ourselves is what really matters.” Can you talk more about this?

A: That was true on a couple of levels. First, she got to watch as I worked with a trainer, a dietitian and a life coach to become the best possible version of myself. Were there things I might have still wanted to change about myself at the end of that year? Maybe, but they weren’t things that could be changed without extraordinary measures.

She watched as I learned that by eating well, treating myself occasionally, working out in a healthy way, setting goals and managing stress I could become the best “me” I could be. My challenge at that point was to change my self-talk to words of acceptance, rather than continue to find and focus on any “flaws” I might still see in myself.

On another level, the monthly photo shoot was eye-opening for both of us, too. We learned that “stars” go through hours of hair and make-up – not to mention lighting and styling — before they go on camera. My daughter got to experience a photo shoot with me when she appeared in the May 2007 issue of the magazine. It’s an experience I wish all girls and women could have – I know my daughter will never look at a magazine the same way.

Q: I write a lot about how some magazines can be damaging to girls and women (particularly the parts about food and fitness). In the book, you say that it’s OK to read teen and women’s magazines but to talk to your daughters about them. How do you suggest moms do that?

A: It’s kind of tricky for moms, isn’t it? Media images are a huge influence on our girls’ body image – and on our own. But movies, magazines and television are also fun (and what teenagers like to talk about). I advise moms to keep an eye on what their girls are watching, reading and listening to. If she’s got a favorite magazine, page through it so you’ll know what she’s reading.

Talk about what you see – not in a heavy-handed way, but in a way that gets her thinking beyond the page. The short answer is: Don’t let her consume media in a vacuum. Make sure she knows that what she sees isn’t always real. The Dove web site has some great resources and short films that can help girls see the level of re-touching that goes into a magazine image.

Q: Moms play a major role in their daughter’s body image. You include several statistics from a report by the Dove Self-Esteem Fund in 2008: 67 percent of girls from 13 to 17 and 91 percent of girls from 8 to 12 turn to their moms when they’re feeling bad about themselves. How can moms leave a positive body image legacy to their daughters?

A: The best thing a mom can do for her daughter’s body image is to first accept her own body. Take good care of yourself by eating right, getting some exercise and speaking well of yourself. If you’re not feeling particularly good about the way you look on a certain day, try to focus on what you do like and let your daughter hear you compliment yourself. Even a simple “I like the color of this blouse” is better for her to hear than “Ugh. I look so fat today.”

Be careful, too, about the way you talk about your daughter’s body. Even something as seemingly innocent as pointing out a different pair of pants that you feel would be “more flattering” to her thighs can be taken as a criticism of her body. Ask her: Which pants make you feel best? The bottom line is that if she feels she looks good, she’ll be more positive about her body.

Q: When moms have a positive body image, they’re better able to model self-acceptance to their daughters. If mom has a poor body image, what can she do?

A: First, I think it’s important that women let go of the expectation that they’ll be able to have the same bodies that they had as young adults forever. Most adult women have given birth, survived illness or accidents, or been through other changes that show in their bodies, including healthy aging. That’s OK. Those experiences have also brought a lot of wisdom; we can honor that by accepting the bodies we have today and making the most of those bodies.

Let your daughter hear you say one positive thing about yourself each day. By consciously speaking kindly about yourself, you’ll re-train your own brain to look for the good, while you’re teaching her to look for the good in herself.

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Thanks so much, Dara! Stay tuned tomorrow for part two.

I also wanted to share a few of my favorite posts from Dara, which are also my favorite posts for today.

• If You Knew Your Body’s “Shelf-Life”…
• What Seeds Are You Planting?
• Diverse Equals Unhealthy?: Talking to Girls About the ‘Plus-Size’ Model Trend
• Mother-Daughter Disclosure: How Much Is Too Much?
• A Love Letter to My Behind

If you have a daughter, do you struggle with helping her build a healthier body image? What parts of Dara’s interview resonated with you?

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From Psych Central's website:
PsychCentral (July 20, 2010)

From Psych Central's website:
More on Body Image: Q&A with Author Dara Chadwick, Part 2 | Weightless (July 21, 2010)

Deborah Reber (July 21, 2010)

Dr. John Grohol (July 21, 2010)

The Illusionists (July 23, 2010)

Jonathan Belisle (July 23, 2010)

Aimee Thorne-Thomsen (July 23, 2010)

Dara Chadwick (July 23, 2010)

What’s Going On? 7~24~10 (July 24, 2010)

Philippa (July 24, 2010)

Elizabeth Patch (August 6, 2010)

From Psych Central's website:
Helping Your Daughter Build A Positive Body Image | Weightless (June 13, 2011)

    Last reviewed: 20 Jul 2010