I regularly feature Q&As with individuals who’ve recovered from eating disorders, binge eating, negative body image and any kind of disordered eating. If you’d like to share your story of recovery, I’d love to hear from you! You can email me at mtartakovsky@gmail.com.

I’m thrilled to share with you another interview on eating disorder recovery. Elizabeth Short contacted me a few weeks ago asking how she could help spread a hopeful message after struggling with an eating disorder for over a decade.

She writes: “I have been to the bottom many, many times and have found my way out.  I am so thankful for everything I learned along the way and am committed to helping others who are struggling.  Please let me know if there’s any way I could offer a message of hope and recovery.”

I think she does just that here. I’m really grateful to Elizabeth for sharing her story because it shows that no matter how excruciating seeking recovery can be, you can get better. It might seem hopeless at first – maybe even for a long time – but by working hard and dedicating yourself to effective treatment, you’ll find your way out from the bottom.

Remember, there’s always hope.

Q: Please tell us a bit about yourself.

A: I am 31 years old and originally from Tupelo, MS.  I live in New Orleans, LA and am working towards my M.Ed. in Counseling.  I am in recovery from a 16-year battle with an eating disorder and am dedicated to advocating for awareness, prevention, and treatment for this debilitating illness.  I currently have a recovery blog, www.elizabeth-findinghope.blogspot.com and I’m finishing up a memoir of my recovery process called Finding Hope: A Journal of Recovery. 

Q: How and when did your eating disorder start? What do you think contributed to it?

A: I don’t remember a time in my life when food was not an issue, but I would say an official eating disorder began around age 13.  I had friends who were starting to diet and so I thought I needed to diet too.  Only, my method of dieting was much different.   It started out slowly — a week or two of extreme behaviors and then normal eating for a period of time — until it eventually took over my entire life.

It became my identity — all I knew and all I did.  I think eating disorders are multi-faceted.  There never seems to be one or even just two things that lead to its development.  Most of the heartache in my life has been linked to my body in some way.  I had an experience of sexual trauma that I believed for a long time was my body’s fault.  My mom had some distortions about food and weight that I internalized.  I was a ballet dancer and knew that if I wanted to continue dancing after high school, I had to be thin.  I was a perfectionist and always wanted to please everyone.  And I lived in a world of “supposed tos”— I was always “supposed to be this” or “supposed to be that.”  I was never okay with just being me. 

Q: What motivated you to seek treatment?

A: I moved back to Tupelo in 2003 to work for my family business, because I couldn’t handle anything else. I, somehow, was managing to fake it so no one knew how sick I really was, but it was becoming real to me that I could not stop. My life was out of control.  I had lost sight of goals and dreams and was losing all connection with the world around me.

There was this part of me that knew I needed help and even wanted it, but the eating disorder part was so much more powerful.  It would bargain with me, “You can ask for help when you lose more weight,” or just flat out lie to me, “Do you see how fat you are?  Do you really think anyone will believe you have an eating disorder?”

Finally in November of that year, I told a church friend that I thought I had an eating disorder.  She called and made an appointment for an assessment.  I went to my first treatment center a couple of months later.  I’m not sure that I ever made the conscious decision to seek treatment.  I think this was one time that my need to please others actually worked in my favor.  Once my family knew, I could not look them in the face and refuse to get help.

This began my six-year journey towards recovery. I was in inpatient treatment six times for four to five months each time and in partial programs after each inpatient stay. Then when I wasn’t in the hospital, I was in intensive outpatient treatment, which included individual, family and nutritional counseling.

Q: Eating disorders are tremendously treatable but the key is to find the right treatment. How did you go about seeking services?

A: This is a difficult question for me to answer, because I don’t think I made conscious decisions early on about my treatment.  I was so malnourished that I don’t think I was capable of making such decisions at that time.  I honestly believe that, for me, it was Divine intervention.  I was, thankfully, put into the right hands at the right times.  Each treatment center and therapist was right for that particular time in my journey.

If someone asked me today how to find the right treatment, my answer would be research.  Find out as much as you can about different therapists, dietitians, psychiatrists and treatment centers.  Call them and ask about their approaches.  Try to find someone who has worked with the therapist or been to the center and can tell you what you to expect.  Treatment is individual — research until you find what you think will work best for you.

Q: What led to your recovery?

A: When I first entered treatment, I was in denial that there was a reason for my eating disorder.  I had developed a “bad habit”— there was nothing underneath it.  I just needed to learn how to eat again.  Boy was I wrong.

My eating disorder was definitely not just a bad habit — it was my means of survival.  It took years of painfully peeling off layer after layer to get to me, my true self.  Finding and accepting my authentic self is what led to my recovery.  This meant recognizing feelings, learning how to sit with feelings, and then finding healthy ways to express those feelings.  It meant challenging and changing all of the negative beliefs I had about myself.  I had to start believing that I deserved to live a full, healthy life.  It meant letting go of all the rules and expectations I had internalized, realizing that I get to create my own life.  I get to choose what is right for me.

I also had to let go of control, fear of making a mistake and shame.  I think letting go leads to acceptance and acceptance is vital to recovery.  I then had to learn to trust again — God, myself, my body, my treatment team, family, friends and even the recovery process.

It finally meant eating — following my meal plan no matter what.  Eating disorders are not about food, but food is necessary for recovery.  That may seem obvious to most, but it was not obvious to me.  For a long time, I tried to recover while still restricting and bingeing and purging.  I can assure you, this does not work.

Q: What have been the toughest parts of seeking recovery and how did you get through them?

A: Looking back, I can’t name a single part of the recovery process that wasn’t tough.  It was all painful — excruciating even.  I wish I could paint a pretty picture of it all, but I can’t.  I had never even thought about suicide before beginning treatment, but once I began to face things and feel again, I wanted to die.  That seemed much easier than dealing with what my disorder had kept at bay for so many years.

Thankfully, I had an amazing family and treatment team who refused to give up on me.  This is what got me through it.  They believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself.  They kept pushing, challenging, supporting and encouraging me.

After being told, “You can do this” enough times, I started to believe it.  Also, I believe in a gracious God of unconditional love and of second chances.  I never let go of thinking that God would someday be able to use my story to give hope to others.

—

Thanks so much, Elizabeth, for sharing your story with us! Stay tuned for part two tomorrow.

Today’s favorite post. “Moments When Recovery ‘Click‘” by Kendra at Voice In Recovery.

Comments

This post currently has 9 comments/trackbacks.
You can read the comments or leave your own thoughts.

Trackbacks

From Psych Central's website:
PsychCentral (July 27, 2010)

From Psych Central's website:
What Eating Disorder Recovery Means & More: Part 2 with Elizabeth Short | Weightless (July 28, 2010)

From Psych Central's website:
Eating Disorder Recovery: From Inpatient Treatment to Life | Weightless (August 6, 2010)

From Psych Central's website:
Eating Disorder Recovery: Healing From Within | Weightless (December 9, 2010)

From Psych Central's website:
NEDA Week: Dispelling Common Eating Disorder Myths | Weightless (February 21, 2011)

From Psych Central's website:
A Day In The Life Of Eating Disorder Recovery | Weightless (February 25, 2011)

    Last reviewed: 27 Jul 2010