Stick-thin models rule the runways and women’s magazines alike. Also ruling magazines is a litany of guilt-ridden food and fitness advice. Advice that often makes us feel bad about ourselves and even encourages disordered eating.

Along with this advice, we also get photos of barely-there models and clothing that most of us can’t wear. And fashion tips that really don’t even concern us (or worse, insult us). What we don’t get, with the exception of Glamour’s recent gorgeous photo spread, is realistic advice and realistic-looking women. Until now…

Since November, plus-size writer and aspiring stylist Ashley Falcon has joined the ranks at Marie Claire with her column, “Big Girl in a Skinny World,” writing about everything from taking office wear into evening to finding the best boots for bigger calves. (She also regularly blogs at Marie Claire.)

I’m happy to see a fabulous plus-size writer who can give fashion advice to us regular folk. Along with good advice, Falcon’s writing is fresh, fun and engaging. And I look forward to more articles from her (next month is spring trends for all shapes and sizes). Personally, I’d love for her to tackle the bad eating and exercise advice magazines dish out and the ways in which magazines demonize fat. But considering she’s writing for a women’s magazine, this is likely wishful thinking.

Still, I applaud Marie Claire for giving this great writer/stylist the opportunity to bring us some good advice and challenge the notion that only skinny-minis can be fashion forward. Falcon sends the message that you don’t have to hide your shape just because it doesn’t fit some ill-conceived “ideal,” that you can find fun, flirty, fashionable pieces for every silhouette (though, unfortunately, you’ll have to look harder).

But is she playing it safe? Jezebel writer Latoya Peterson also applauded the column but had a few minor issues with it. She noted that Falcon may be trying to be the “self-deprecating big girl” that a “smaller audience” may expect, and included these examples from Falcon’s first column:

“Of course, it surprised no one that I decided to pursue a career as a fashion …

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I’ve already had the great opportunity to speak with several women about their recovery from eating disorders and emotional eating (you can find the interviews here, here and here). I hope to regularly feature Q&As with individuals who’ve recovered from eating disorders, binge eating, negative body image or any kind of disordered eating. If you’d like to share your story of recovery, I’d love to hear from you! You can email me at mtartakovsky@gmail.com.

I’m happy to present Part 2 of my interview with Kate Thieda about her recovery. If you didn’t get to read the first part, you can check it out here.

Below, Kate talks about the hardest parts of recovery, how she deals with eating disordered thoughts, how families can help, some of her favorite books and more!

5. What were the toughest parts of your recovery and how did you get through them?

As I said, for every step forward in treatment, there is usually a step or two back. The very beginning of seeking treatment was probably the hardest, and it was very tempting to give up. I had made a commitment to my mentor, though, so while I was basically on my own (she lived in a different state), I was determined to at least prove that I had tried. There were lots of tears in the first few months.

When I moved here in 2007, I was enrolled in graduate school in the top program for my field in the country. I had been warned multiple times that it would be challenging, but I was not in the physical or mental shape to be successful. My eating disorder went into overdrive and I couldn’t cope. I dropped out of the program after only three weeks. I was actually granted a medical leave of absence because my program directors thought I was suffering from depression, which I was, but I didn’t mention that an eating disorder was at the true heart of the problem. So here I was, only a few months living in a new state, and I had nothing—the dream of attending …

I’ve already had the great opportunity to speak with several women about their recovery from eating disorders and emotional eating (you can find the interviews here, here and here). I hope to regularly feature Q&As with individuals who’ve recovered from eating disorders, binge eating, negative body image or any kind of disordered eating. If you’d like to share your story of recovery, I’d love to hear from you! You can email me at mtartakovsky@gmail.com.

I’m thrilled to present an interview with Kate Thieda, a counseling graduate student at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro. Kate contacted me to share her story in hopes of encouraging people to pursue their own recoveries.

In Part 1 of the interview, Kate talks about how her eating disorder began, how she sought treatment and what led to her recovery.

Stay tuned for Part 2 tomorrow, where Kate discusses the toughest parts of recovery, the myths about eating disorders, the health consequences, what families can do and more!

1. How and when did your anorexia start? What do you think contributed to it?

I started eating in a “disordered” way at the end of my freshman year of college. I had gained some weight, as most college freshmen do, during my first year of living in the all-you-can-eat dorms, and I was unhappy with my appearance after seeing pictures of myself taken during spring break. I started restricting my food when I was home that summer, and when I returned to school in the fall, that’s when the real eating disorder kicked in.

On the surface, there were a number of contributing factors to my eating disorder — unhappy with the way I looked, not wanting to “get fat,” and thinking that if I was thinner, a boyfriend would magically appear. However, the core issues that were literally “eating away” at me were residual psychological effects of years of sexual and emotional abuse (not by family members), perfectionism, low-self esteem, and what one of my therapists called “comparativitis” — comparing myself to others and coming up short, even if those comparisons were inaccurate.

2. What motivated you to seek treatment?

A former teacher …

I used to view my body as the enemy. It made me overeat. It wasn’t thin enough. It wasn’t muscular. It didn’t have a fast metabolism. It wouldn’t submit to my insults or demands. It had flaws.

So I’d get angry, irritated and frustrated with it. And I wouldn’t treat it right. I wouldn’t walk it. I wouldn’t work out for the health of it but for the thin of it. I wouldn’t feed it well. I wouldn’t nourish it.

But as I got older, discovered the true benefits of exercise — that it makes me stronger, builds endurance, that it helps me relieve my anxiety, that it makes me proud of myself — and stopped dieting, I earned a greater respect for my body. After all, it’s what helps me move, hug my loved ones, write my posts, lift weights, do squats, see the world. These things may seem obvious. But how quickly we forget when we’re busy seeing our bodies as adversaries. And we’re lucky we can do these things. We really are.

I realized my body wasn’t my foe. I was. I was sabotaging myself. I should be my body’s biggest fan. I should treat it with respect, kindness and sympathy. Instead of punishing, guilt-ridden workouts that aim to purge my body of high-cal foods, I should do what feels good to my body. Workouts that empower me, that foster health – not hurt.

Again, this may seem obvious, no big epiphany. But many of us have certain expectations for our bodies, certain standards we have to meet or surpass. And if we don’t, we abandon our bodies. We become fair-weather friends. How we feel about our bodies is conditional. If your body is at an “ideal” weight, you’re good to it. You praise it. You wear pretty clothes. You’re happy. If your body is too large, too thick, too thin, not muscular enough, you mistreat it or insult it or both. You hide your body in roomy, unflattering clothes. You criticize. You curse. You bash.

Today, I want to challenge you: Work toward becoming your body’s best friend. Work toward loving it unconditionally. It …

How often do you feel fat? For some of us, it’s a regular occurrence. For most of us, it’s probably happened at least once in the last month. And feeling fat can sometimes feel like the worst of all emotions, the heaviest on our hearts. It’s a feeling that makes us squirm in our own skin, wishing we could just take a break from our bodies so we can breathe freely or borrow someone else’s seemingly beautiful silhouette. When fat feelings strike, that’s all we can think about. We forget about our good qualities, our good mood and all we can feel is pillows of fat surrounding our bodies.

Some days in college, my fat feelings were so palpable, I would’ve loved to crawl out of my skin. I could feel the thickness of my thighs, the heaps of fat encasing my stomach. I could feel my belly bulging out and spilling over my jeans. I could feel my arms, my love handles.

Health professionals say that fat is not a feeling. That it’s usually a disguise.  That it’s a mask for sadness, anxiety, anger, loneliness, fear, guilt. Looking back on it, when I was feeling fat, I’d also feel tense, uncomfortable, sometimes frazzled. Yes, there were days that I just felt bloated but more often than not I was anxious or upset.

Feeling fat can make you feel worse than being it. It can make staying in a deceptively gratifying choice, making you miss out on important moments and memories. It may make you nit-pick at every morsel you consumed, trying to figure out with all your might why it is today of all the days that you feel enormous and unworthy. Maybe you try to starve your fat feelings or exercise them away.

Now, I still have days when I’m feeling fat but the feeling is no longer as heavy as it was, and I know how to handle it. I try my best not to bash or hurl insults. I try to take it easy and keep the below in mind.

What You Can Do

• Investigate. When Sunny of the Healthy Girl feels …
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I’m happy to present the second part of my interview with Sarah Maria, body image expert and author of the brand-new book, Love Your Body, Love Your Life. Below, we talked about her five steps for banishing negative body obsession, the importance of body acceptance (for everyone!) and what we can do this very instant to improve our image.

If you haven’t read Part 1 yet, be sure to check it out here.

And without further adieu, here’s Part 2:

5. In your book, you present the five steps for ending NBO. Can you talk about these steps?

The first step is to set an Intention. This is the first step in creating what you want in life, in creating and experiencing a body and a life that you love. Step Two is to Identify and Detach from Negative Thoughts. This is all about becoming aware of the thoughts you think on a regular basis, discovering that they are not your own, that they were given to you from outside. Then you can employ specific tools and techniques to help you detach from these negative thoughts so that they no longer control and influence your life and your well-being.

The third step is to discover who you really are. Who you are, or what you are, is not your thoughts, and is not limited to your body/mind. Who you are is the beauty and perfection of the universe manifesting as a human being. As you discover the truth of who and what you really are, this will help you begin to automatically heal whatever problems are plaguing you.

The fourth step is to befriend your body. Most people have an adversarial relationship with their bodies. The fact of the matter is that your body is your very best friend. From the moment of conception until the moment of death, your body is constantly and ceaselessly promoting and sustaining your well-being. Your body always has your best interests in mind. All you need to do is create the best environment possible and then leave your body alone and let it do what it is …