This is a strange Thanksgiving in the Tartakovsky household, one that I didn’t think I’d be spending this way, this soon. This year, we’re spending Thanksgiving without my dad. He passed away in August, three days shy of his 58th birthday.
This Thanksgiving, I’ll try my best not to think about or feel guilty if I have too many bites of apple pie, if my outfit feels too tight, if I have surplus spoonfuls of stuffing. None of that seems important. In fact, this kind of thinking just seems silly, in the grand scheme of things. When a big part of your life is missing. When a big part of your life is painfully missed.
I’m not writing this post to say that people who worry about overeating don’t deserve to be concerned, are unjustified or vane for their concerns. These, too, are genuine feelings, which deserve exploring. Holidays are a notoriously difficult time for anyone with food or body image issues, and sometimes, families can make matters worse.
I’m writing this post because our body-bashing thoughts are time-consuming and distracting. They take us away from the real things in our lives. They take us away from those who love us unconditionally, regardless of our food choices or appearance. That’s how my dad was.
So this holiday season, focus on your loved ones (and working toward loving yourself unconditionally, too). As humans, we naturally take people for granted, unfortunately. Take this day to banish any exhausting, disparaging thoughts and focus on what’s important to you.
If you’ve been working on building a healthier self-image and it’s been quite the challenge, simply take a break. Tell yourself that on this day, you’re taking a break from body bashing. On Thanksgiving Day, you’ll enjoy the little things like watching the parade with your loved ones, partaking in special traditions, seeing old friends.
If a negative thought pops up, just tell it to go away because it’s family time, and frankly, you can’t be bothered. Sure, this may not be easy. But it’s worth it. Sure, it might seem silly. But it may work.
And consider what you’re thankful for this holiday season.
Please share that below, and have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
OK, I’ll start us off:
I’m thankful that I’ve had 27 years with my dad, who truly was the greatest man on this planet (trust me, it’s true). I’m thankful for the memories, for the fact that I look a lot like him (which may be neither here, nor there 
).
I’m thankful for my mother, whose strength, grace and beauty only flourish.
I’m thankful for my longtime boyfriend, my family and close friends, whose love, generosity, support (and laugh-out-loud bad jokes) know no bounds.
I’m thankful for this beautiful blog and its beautiful readers.
I’m thankful for my handsome, fat kitty, who turned 14 just this October, who hasn’t left my side since my dad passed.
I’m thankful for what my body can do, how it’s always there when I need it most, no matter how mean I’ve been to it, no matter how many names I’ve called it, no matter how badly I’ve treated it.
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Margarita…your thankfulness brings a tear to my eye. I lost my dad in 2008, he was 60 and I am 28…so i get you. My dad was one of the greatest unconditional supports in my life. He always made me feel beautiful.
I am looking forward too tommorrow…to be present with my family and the blessings in my life.
Thanks so much for the post!
Thank you, Stephanie! I’m so sorry for your loss. My dad also supported us unconditionally, and always made me and my mom feel beautiful. He was amazing person.
Have a great Thanksgiving!!
Margarita, I am so sorry for your loss. Thanks for your advice about staying present with the loved ones we have (including ourselves).
Thanks for sharing such a sweet post. I lost my dad in August six years ago, when he was 53 and I was 23. Death is such a reminder of the preciousness of life. Best to your family.
@Lyn and JJ, You’re so welcome!! It means a lot that it resonated with you both. JJ, I’m so sorry about your dad. He was so young. All the best to you guys, and I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving!!
my father will be coming from abroad to stay with me one week this December. I have the complete reversal of this. I have an ambivalent relationship with my body and have had severe body image issues that I am currently working on. I am not overweight and none of my sisters are, either. This does not stop my father always making a remark about our body weight and he makes no secret of the fact that he thinks women should be thin. (My younger sister is a UK size 6 and he told her she was gaining weight). He said the same to me and my sister broke in “do you think she looked better back in 2003?” (When I was a recovering anorexic and clinically underweight) and he shrugged “well….that wasn’t so bad”.
That moment was a wake-up call that he’s no authority on what I should be looking like, but even so, whenever I spend time with him (not often, once a year) he never fails to make me even more conscious of how I fall short of his expectations, being a UK size 14.
Burgundy I find that so sad. You must be a very strong person, even if you don’t think so, to have overcome/recovered from anorexia and the constant criticism that probably fuelled it. This December do whatever you need to do to protect yourself from the negative messages. One of the things I learned from a book by Doreen Virtue is to imagine myself surrounded by white light that protects me from any negative vibes/thoughts/actions.
On a more practical note, maybe you and your sisters need to talk to him about the impact his attitude has had on your lives? Your dad is missing out on so much by focusing on what you weigh, rather than on who you really are.
Blessed be this festive season.
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