Great post. I’d like to see a less-triggering social environment, such as:

1. Put a disclosure label on each and every re-touched, photo-shopped picture in magazines– “this photo has been altered,” or “this is not a real body.”

2. Give compliments that have nothing to do with appearance or weight. “I admire your sense of humor…”

3. Body-bashing is not acceptable–it’s a form of socially acceptable bigotry.

4. Focus on healthy practices, not a size, or a number.

Recently I was chatting with a group of friends when one asked what part of your physical body do you feel good about…when my turn came around, after deep contemplation I replied…”the color of my eyes is nice…but that’s about it…”Unfortunately I fit the profile of being “bruised”…

survey please.. what girl under the age of 30 doesn’t feel this way? hm?

And what do we do when other people bruise our body image for us? I just had a regular customer at the store where I work tell me “married life must be agreeing with you – whenever people put on a bunch of weight I know they’re doing well.” WTF?? I struggle with self-loathing every morning when my clothes don’t fit, I’m well aware of the 20 lbs I’ve gained in the past year, I don’t need it pointed out to me, thankyouverymuch. It just sucks when your internal voice that says “you’re fat” is echoed by external voices. And don’t get me started on my mother….

I agree with all the posts so far but I also think that there is a physical reason why so many American bodies look the way they do: because of the food industry and processed foods, over indulgence, and lack of good hard exercise on a sustained and daily basis. It is not easy to counteract all the social forces out there… but instead of spending time looking at magazines featuring adulterated images of women or being unhappy in front of the mirror…. why not just go to the gym? Working out helps regulate appetite and crave healthy foods versus junk food and it builds lean muscle tissue, improves circulation and makes one look and feel better.

I am 49 and have suffered from a bruised body image since I was about 10. My father and mother never missed an opportunity to tell me that I was fat and that being fat was the root cause of all my problems (and often theirs). My mother had a lousy body image too. My father was obsessed with her weight and mine.

Needless to say, it is hard to pull away from the self-hatred that I learned at such an early age. When I look at pictures of myself, I want to cry. Last weekend, my sweet boyfriend video taped me releasing a hawk back into the wild and all I could think about was how fat I looked on the video tape.

When I tell friends how I feel they look at me like I’m crazy and say that no way does anyone see me in the same harsh light under which I view myself.

I am often able to think of myself in a better light, but I think that heading towards 50 and looking back at the opportunities I denied myself until I lost weight is weighing on me.

So, here’s to working on being less bruised as I move forward.

I appreciate this article because I feel like body issues are suppose to be so private and that often makes it worse for me to cope. Being open about insecurities with other women helps me realize that I am not struggling alone. If other women can admit to their insecurities and make a pact, if you will, to not beat themselves up about it, than so can I. That may be obvious, but I need a daily reminder

Some may take this so far they have whats known as Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) surprised the post dint mention it, if you think this is you , get help there are some helpful resources online and in the community for this, do not miss out on anymore life!

I’m 65 years old and can hardly remember ever feeling attractive. I believe I had body dysmorphic disorder during my 20’s and 30’s. I felt better in my 40’s but only b/c I had a job that I loved. I now have a reason to feel badly about my body. The stomach pouch, the breasts that hang down more every day, the crepey skin. Yikes! I do go to a gym 5 days a week and “work out” which consists of walking on the treadmill and lifting weights. While I don’t look any better or lose any weight, I do feel better; stronger. It also gives me a chance to see real bodies and see that there aren’t really too many perfect people. Or maybe it’s just my gym.

Thank you to everyone who commented! I appreciate you stopping by and sharing your stories.

Hardwick, thank you for bringing up BDD. I actually wrote two articles about it, which may be helpful:

http://psychcentral.com/lib/2008/body-dysmorphic-disorder-when-the-reflection-is-revolting/all/1/

http://psychcentral.com/lib/2009/demystifying-treatment-for-body-dysmorphic-disorder/all/1/

Evelyn, the social environment is key, thank you! I’d love to see disclosure labels – especially important for younger readers. I also love the idea of compliments that have nothing to do with appearance. Those mean so much more, anyway. Again, I think they’re especially important for younger girls and boys, to focus on intelligence and strength of character, not on looks.

Anne, it’s amazing how much a parent’s self image dictates how they treat their kids. That’s why experts talk about the importance of parents having a positive self image, too.

It’s so tough not to look back at the past, but the important thing is the future, and acknowledging that regardless of size, you’re a person who deserves kindness from others and yourself. I used to care much more about my appearance when I was younger, but now I realize that the key is to lead a healthy lifestyle, not take looks so seriously, take good care of myself and just be kind to my body.

rgrazi, that’s terrible! We go through weight fluctuations throughout different phases of our lives. For instance, my first year of grad school, I gained about 15 lbs, and also felt terrible about myself. Then, that spring, I decided to start exercising (I never liked to), and it was a blessing. Yes, I lost weight, which was nice, but I felt so much stronger, and I was so proud of myself for doing these tough exercises that I never imagined I could do (it also made me feel less anxious and in a better mood, in general). When you’re feeling helpless about your weight, at least for me, what helped was realizing that I need to take better care of myself, not bash myself for gaining weight. It happens, but it isn’t permanent. I realized I needed to be healthier, so I took steps toward that.

Jenna (comment #5); working out isn’t necessarily related to body image. Up to my mid-30’s I weighed about 115 pounds (I’m 5′4″). I was a runner and a soccer player. It didn’t make a bit of difference to my distorted body image. I was convinced I was fat and I hated my body. Now I’m 45 and weigh 155. I still work out, admittedly not as hard, but my body image has actually improved a bit. It’s a work in progress….

I keep wondering whether men have something to do with this problem, or even something very basic in our genes. “Girl Power” and “metrosexuality” seem alive and well in our public schools, but teenage girls in high school are still getting drunk and naked at parties to get a boyfriend, and still throwing themselves out of windows if the strategy fails. To put it less dramatically–50 years of modern feminism has not altered the female urge to be physically pleasing to men, and a generally liberal media establishment has nevertheless propagated a male fantasy of the ideal female body that is more pervasive than ever. I’m not sure if this is a nature or nurture issue. But I am beginning to suspect that unless you change the prevailing sexual preferences of the teenage boy high school student so the fat girl is the prize, your laudable efforts are doomed.

Oh wow. I just had my 69th birthday. Except for Margaret, there hasn’t been much mention yet of aging. But that’s where we’re all going. I remember the old Oil of Olay commercials, with a 30 year old model saying — “I know you have to get older, but I’m fighting it all the way!” I used to sneer at the television (and this was in my 30s or 40s) –”And you’re going to lose, baby!”

So why, when I’ve been aware of this twisted notion that value resides in youth and beauty, do the negative feelings and invidious comparisons just get worse? Yep, I think I must be pretty bruised.

What is bruised for me is my “face image.” While I have had a slender figure, from the age of about 10 I realized that my face was masculine-looking and asymmetrical, with an oversized bumpy nose. (I’m female.) From puberty onward, I have had severe acne and other facial skin problems. While I always felt pleased about the rest of my body, I have never felt beautiful, and rarely felt pretty. The area where this has been most detrimental was in romantic relationships. Because I always thought of myself as about a “4″ I thought that most men that I was attracted to were out of my league, and the few men that I dated were ones I had “settled” for.
Of your indicators, numbers 2, 3, and 4 are very familiar to me. Solutions 2, 3, and 5 have been useful. Also helpful have been feminism, religious faith, and my profession of social work, which encouraged me to focus on and gain self-worth from my abilities, my character, and the good I can do to help others whose problems put my own in a proper perspective.

Earlier I submitted a comment abouy my bruised face image, and I just realized that this blog specifically addresses body image related to body size. I haven’t read this blog before and I followed the link from the NY Times. So, I apologize that my comment is off topic. PsychCentral needs another blog to help homely women.

While I do appreciate what this blog is saying (it’s all true) and the message it is trying to get across (men need to hear this as well as women), I don’t really feel like the “solutions” are real solutions to the problem. Why can’t we change what the media pounds into us as being “beautiful” and “normal?” I agree that having a disclosure statement on all photos that have been altered would be helpful for everyone to realize what they are looking is not real (and maybe having more public announcements about how your favorite actress/model/etc. has had plastic surgery). I also think that having more bigger-sized people on tv (such as the “More to Love” show) would also help if people would give it a chance (instead of making fun of it by calling it the “Fat Bachelor,” etc.).

I’m a 28 year old, married, mother to one child and I have had a bruised body image since the tender age of 8 (at least that is when I can first remember feeling bad about how I looked). Growing up with a weight obsessed mother with an eating disorder no one would/will acknowledge also probably had something to do with it too. Now that my body has been put through the ringer by pregnancy and now not taking care of myself as a full-time working mom/wife (I get zero “me” time), I realize my body wasn’t that bad all those years afterall. If only I could see that then instead of limiting myself due to my embarrassment and shame. Now, if I can only get myself to realize that my body isn’t as bad as I think it is today– which I have no idea how to do since I am well aware of this issue yet can’t seem to stop my inner voice from saying- “your stomach/butt/thighs are huge and disgusting”)…any suggestions for that?

How do you turn of the constant drum in advertising, work, school and the mall that caters to poor health. I’m a little irked that gyms are overly focused on whether people smell nice when they work out instead of managing to show up. If you want healthy people why not think of five things that society could do to promote better social health.

1) The evaluation of sedentary jobs and their risk.
2) Free water, and the availability of fresh fruits and vegetables.
3) I washed my gym clothes once a week when I was a kid… what happened?
4) More music and dance and physical recreation. Even hormonal teenagers know this.

It is hard to focus on more than one emotion at a time.

As a kid and into middle age, I felt overweight and uncomfortable in my body. I always wondered why I couldn’t be naturally thin and tried diet after diet. Decades later I have learned to focus on healthy behaviors including simple portion control with a nutrition diary (to keep me honest) and exercise that I enjoy. My weight is normal by all objective standards.

Yes, if I look in the mirror, I focus on wrinkles and grey hair. But I accept these are not under my control and are the reward of making it into my 50s! Instead, I look for and see a healthy, fit and happy woman.

Dear all, I followed this link from NYT, and I can agree with having a bruised body image.My center, however, is my religious faith, finally accepting the love and affection of my boyfriend, and knowing that having the same weight for 3 years is actually a good thing (I have weighed 155 Lb since 2005). I have a feeling that this weight image/bruising will continue, and that I will have to keep fighting it daily for the rest of my life.

At 61, I am calm, confident, and love to teach and present to groups. I look professional and pulled-together. I know people like me and appreciate me for who I am and what I can contribute. Life is for enjoyment, and gratitude. Any day that I am breathing, is a day I will look my best.

I am 4′11 and about 15 lbs overweight. In society this is unattractive. I dont feel this way. I have an infectious smile(with slightly crooked teeth),long black hair/brown eyes,due to my Native American heritage. When I am ready,I will lose the extra pounds,so I can feel better and fit better into my clothing. I have had two c-sections,and my tummy protrudes due to my 2 pregnancies(loose skin). My stomach does’nt define me. In my early 30’s I have been able to find my true beauty,and not obsess over what the rest of the world thinks of me.

I hope my fellow women will discover their beauty as well….it also makes us kinder to each other..admit it…women can be ruthless when it comes to jealousy!!!

7 Signs Your Body Image Is Bruised (and 5 Solutions)
By Margarita Tartakovsky, MS
November 2, 2009

I read this and it open my eyes. Believe me..I do this to myself even if you all think, what does she have to complaint about?.. She has a good body.I am 57 years old . Divorce,for 8 years. Since, then , I realized men won’t date you, if you don’t look hot. So, I work out 3xtimes a week and lost weight.Unfortunately, human nature-aging, one cannot control. People think I am in my 40s because of my average/excercise body. But still,I do not feel good about myself.
We all have little self esteem about ourselves. I am one to admit to this! That why I am sharing this with you. I am printing this up, for myself. I am posting it on my refigerator and putting this in my purse -to constant remind myself!
I will try to change & care, love, myself for good qualities that I do not appreciated about my self. I need to be self-worth. I am going to use the 5 solutions below ,to improve my feelings about myself. With this knowledge is then- I can move on with a secure and confident altitude of my self-image. In which will project on the outside. People do pick up, when they are around us, how negative we feel about ourselves.. I am no better at fault with this, when it comes to this. I have no confident, but NOW I will help myself to build this up and gain self-worth. I hope this info I am sharing, will make you feel positive… I know it will for me, I am starting as of today!

I have struggled with miner weight issues my entire life. Now at 57, after having a daughter 32 years ago & twin sons 31 years ago, My weight is great & I’m in a size 7/8 depending. However, I had never exercised! In clothes at 5′2″, I feel very confident & even pretty, YES even with the wrinkles & the salt & pepper hair . But my stomach & arms are very ‘flabby’ & my doctor told me it’s too late to get rid of it by trying to work it off. Like stretching a rubber band out for a fuw years, it will hold the stretched shape & never go back. That’s my problem.

I don’t believe in plastic surgery (nor could I afford it), but this is MY fault, it’s not a natural cause from aging. I hate the way my tummy & arms look & don’t know what to do about it.

But, I do agree with Vicki, every day above ground is a great day & I do look my best then.

after reading all of these i just started to cry…. to many of us don’t realize how difficult the journey towards becoming a happy self assured female has become recently. I remember a generation of women, that i saw as young girl in the 70’s… braless, – cleavage was considered OLD and gross back then – little make up, wavy , afro, or natural hair, and roll models like Billy Jean King, who smiled at me through a glass display case every day.. She attended the elementary school in Long Beach where I grew up…. WHAT HAPPENED.. now we have victoria secret bras that create this now acceptable and desired but very un natural bolted on shape, that 14 year old are being targeted in marketing to buy.

Looking at earlier versions of playboy and comparing the body’s that graced those pages in the 70’s to now is chilling… I suggest everyone look and compare. What you found were hairy, curvy, and natural looking women… No wonder men are so messed up in what they desire. We have been programing them slowly to no longer accept the natural female form. Recently single, i am shocked and amazed at how many men of a variety of ages are almost insistent that this is their preference now. Men I knew in my twenties who prefered then a more natural shape are now brainwashed into thinking that higher, perkier and scupted are the ” new” female form.. Its not just that we have to have curves anymore, we also have to have that hard body- muscle builder look as well. Fat just doesnt work that way. Either you have some and it fills out your curves, or you don’t and you are lean everywhere including hips and breasts. But with the access to plastic surgery. Women can get and are expected to have both curves and hard lean bodies…. Unless you have the money to do it all- you will be left out in the cold.

and Men are not even the worse enemy here… we should not blame them as they are being brainwashed by the media ever hungry for our buck.

Women! we have become are own worse enemies… and you know it.

I am often sad and shocked at what i hear in the lunch room and down the halls of the school I teach at from the women that work there. They pick each other apart, and point out each and every flaw, unflatering hair style, not the greatest and latest wardrobe choice, and on and on… It makes me ill.

My question is why… What has caused us to bruise and bash each other..

Is it from the stress of the time- economic shortfalls – extra hours everyone is working – lack of support and attention from the men in are lives, or the fact that despite all of our efforts to become the equals of men… that we are still not and in fact have become even closer to the past role of sex symbol and nothing more…. oh but its worse now…

Now we are expected to have a professional career, raise a family and STILL be a barbie doll.

Look around ladies, what have we done to ourselves?. We are nothing like the women that our late 60’s and 70’s sister’s worked so hard to create for us.
,

When I stopped smoking, went on anti-depressants, I went from a size 3/4 to a size sixteen within a year. I had gained to 190 pounds and one thing I did was stop looking in the mirror and scrutinizing all the not so vanity perfect about myself. I limited my mirror time to brushing my teeth. I made a list of reasons besides appearances for losing the weight, health and less joint pain rated high which was why I stopped smoking. Everyday I listed 5 things I like about me and nothing was not allowed on the list. I focused my vanity time on complimenting others and helping others. With no mirror time I even stopped painting my face to look like someone else.
Within a year I lost down to 140 so I was feeling better physically and had some energy back, I was so unfocused on my appearance it felt great. Today 11 years later, I rarely wear makeup, still allow very little vanity time in front of mirrors, put a great deal of thought and effort into others, and I really like myself very much! I use dorm showers where comparisons are ample but I refuse to get sucked back into that vain glorious spiral.

Someone told me I am beautiful the other day and I smiled and said a sincere thank you knowing true beauty lies in the heart and eyes of the beholder, and most of mine lies within, which is better!

as for the remedys number 1 and 2..what if u truly can’t come up with or think of any positives about your self or if there truly is nothing you like about yourself, and cant think of anything in aprticular u can do with the body you have…what then?????

I haven’t felt attractive for years I remember at around the age of 22 years feeling I was really something then I went through a divorce and my self esteem and self body image plummetted I’ve been remarried now for 23 years but I never regained that positive feeling about myself again.

I am tired of this mentality. I used to feel this way. But what is most forgotten is our true selves. I know society & media bombardes us with this image, and certainly is a popular way to go. Love your true spirit. We are not all in touch with our spirit and loving can be very commercialized affair. Reality is appreciating yourself, and the other way is self defeating really. On my death bed I want to be happy with myself, not feel ambiguous about how I looked and what others thought on my looks. I have never read a passage that meant anything that stated your life is about constantly improving your outer self to achieve happiness. Starting loving yourselves. A wish that for everyone.

Although I agree with the authors that many people suffer from poor body image, I disagree that it is a phenomenon exclusive to women. I happen to know that men may also feel self conscious about their body image and will be reluctant to participate in activities because of how they think that others will perceive them. Some examples of this would be self consciousness about hair loss, man boobs and obesity or uncommonly thin.

What men and women must do is look inwardly at what it is that they may dislike about themselves. Is it based on what others think about them? Why do they want to change their physical appearance? How would they feel if everyone looked the same? Many people lose weight or begin exercise for the wrong reasons and often fall off track just days or weeks later because they lack the initiative and motivation to be successful. Good body image comes from the realization that each of us is unique and that our body will not look the same as those around us. Yes we may share many physical characteristics with other people but we’re not exactly the same in appearance. Also, to be successful a person must do for himself/herself but not to please others. It is not easy to maintain a certain weight class, it requires dedication to intensive exercise, proper nutrition and peace of mind. I enjoy physical fitness because of the way my body looks, feels, and functions; it is the way I pay respect to life. I’m confident in myself NOT because of the compliments I receive about my appearance (although they are appreciated) but because I know that I have the power to shape my own body, sculpt it to the way I want it to be. When you engage in exercise, it allows you to push your body further, to challenge preconceived notions about yourself and as you overcome these doubts and hesitations you become stronger physically, mentally and spiritually.

It is love for self and life that makes for good body image. Many people with poor body image have somehow forgotten these things.

-healthy_blogging

http://www.livingfithealthyandhappy.com

Published daily, “Living Fit, Healthy and Happy” is a family-friendly physical fitness resource website with articles on fitness, anti-aging, obesity, diabetes, eating disorders, cardio vascular health and many other health related issues. There’s always something for you at “Living Fit, Healthy and Happy”.

http://www.livingfithealthyandhappy.com

LADIES….if you want to feel good about yourself, there’s only ONE way to do it. Open the Bible, read what the Lord did for you – all because HE loves you. Learn about your worth. HE valued you more than you can imagine, and still does. By not valuing yourself, is saying that what He did for you is useless. No one is perfect, otherwise your name would be Jesus. You are made in HIS image, and you are perfect in His eyes. HE wants you to enjoy yourself and your life. After all, that is what He died for you to have. You only have one life to live, why live it like this??? Try being thankful for what you have, rather than grumbling about what you don’t. My girlfriend has been suddenly paralyzed from a car accident and can’t move a muscle. Seeing her makes me grateful for every day, I can move, see, hear, and am healthy. You begin to lose sight of all that until you don’t have it anymore. Sad what we take for granted. Thank the Lord for all you have and love yourself !

My goodness, what a refreshing article to read this morning.
With all the skinny nonsense bodies and images out there, this is an article that needs to be repeated for all of us who only criticize ourselves because that is the way of the world.
Not sickenly fat mind you but at 64 it’s nice to read about nice things and how to go about the thought process on focusing on the GOOD.

I am a big girl and I have at times been upset with my belly, thighs and hips…now that I am in my 40’s I am learning to appreciate my curves…I do as much as I can for as long as I can….we women try so hard to stay fit but life sometimes throws curve balls and you have to work with what you have….I am embacing my fat..yes I will always have to work at it…I get up every morning and look in the mirror and tell myself that I am beautiful, loved and blessed.

When you go through alot of trials like surgery and stuff and your weight starts fluctuating or your body fat doesn’t want to drop off like the other person you are comparing yourself too Then you start dieting and starving yourself only to gain back the weight and more when you go back to eating normal.

When you go through alot of trials like surgery and stuff and your weight starts fluctuating or your body fat doesn’t want to drop off like the other person you are comparing yourself too Then you start dieting and starving yourself only to gain back the weight and more when you go back to eating normal.Then you likely throw in the towel or try to continue the fight to that ideal weight through the right process

I grew up as a skinny kid. I could eat what I wanted and never gained a pound. In my early to mid 20’s I par-took in my fair share of Happy Hours…..drinking & eating and still not gaining weight. I rarely went to a gym or exercised for that matter. Then at about 27-28 I was working at a very high stressed job that followed the Stock Exchange hours….I was at work by 6am, leaving my house at 4:30am, stopping to grab a Starbuck’s flavored Latte on my way in. I didn’t eat any real food until after market closed (1pm) and then it was shoveling down a hamburger or whatever was quick to get across the street. My weight jumped up and continued to do so over the next 4-5 years. When I left my office at 6pm (after a 12 hr day) I didn’t have the energy to cook so I picked up something on my way home, at & then went to bed. This cycle caused me to develop INSULIN RESISTANCE or better known as Metabolic Syndrome. For years I have struggled trying to take off the weight….even committing to hard-core training 3 days a week along with countless hours of cardio. My weight went the OPPOSITE direction and people kept telling me it’s just muscle mass….the weight will start to fall off now. A year later & I am at my highest weight….I’m solid as a rock but big. One day at the gym while I was being measured & weighed….I broke down & cried my eyes out. How? After 12 months of working out and watching my diet did I get bigger? I went to my doctor and cried in his office….I started throwing out symptoms I had been experiencing and he did a full blood work up on me. That is when we discovered that I was insulin resistant and no matter how much I exercised I was not going to lose any weight until I got that under control. Most people when they eat their bodies metabolize their food into energy, therefore burning the calories consumed. Mine was doing the exact opposite. I recently started taking medication to help control my blood sugar and have drastically changed my eating habits….no processed foods (boxed, canned, frozen, etc.), no more refined flours or sugars…..more fruits & veggies and lots of protein….I also use supplements like Cinnamon and Apple Cider Vinegar. I’ve already noticed some changes and I am being patient about the weight coming off because it took years and years to put it on so I know it will take some time to take it back off.

I have had a horrible self body image for years & stopped dating and going out because of it. I’m not huge but I didn’t like myself. My friends could never understand that I needed to like myself before I could accept somebody else liking me.

For those of you struggling to lose when you are exercising & following a healthy diet…I strongly suggest going to your doctor and getting tested for insulin resistance or hormonal imbalance. Our bodies are made up of tons of hormones that all play a role in making things work correctly.

Keep smiling people….

Someone asked me something once…

Would you be your own friend? HUH?

If your friend talked to you the way you talk to yourself, would you be her friend. HECK NO!

Don’t say anything to yourself that you wouldn’t say to your best friend.

Best piece of advice I have ever gotten!!

True: I only notice negative things when I look in the mirror.
True: I compare myself to everyone.

DOUBLE true: You skip events because you think you don’t look good enough.

I have declined/cancelled about 5 important events in the past month, including my college homecoming – that cost me $100 penalty. Here’s what my brain says to me: “What will they/he/she THINK when they see what a COW I am?!?! Just LOOK at that saggy fat on your arms, LOOK at your double chin!!!!” It just goes on and on. That’s my internal dialogue. Sucks. I’ve taken matters into my own hand and have started eating smaller portions and exercising 4 days a week. Of course, I want instant results. However, I’m determined to un-hide myself and become proud of my choice to be more disciplined — resulting in a fit, toned body and clothes that I wear and feel confident in.

I have a trick when I get the body blues; it may seem silly, even immature to some women but this works for me every single time!

I put on one of my prettiest dresses and shoes. I fix my hair and face…if there is time I start with the home spa day. Lately this dress is a flared white halter top with clear pumps that are embellished with rhinestones. (I purchased both of these things off the bargain rack during a 75% off sale and I had a $10.00 coupon). I don this attire, put on ABBA gold hits and dance the icky doubts away, without ever leaving the house. When I put this on I feel like Marilyn Monroe…I may never wear this outside of my house, although I fantasize about wearing it to the big military formal my husband is taking me to in the Spring. This is powerful self talk and one heck of an energy booster and well as an image adjuster. Another great trick I learned years ago is to sit down and eat in front of the mirror, watching myself chew. This not only improves table manners, it let’s you know if you have developed the wolfing habbit which is bad for metabolism and digestive issues. Trade those sweets in for half a glass of wine, sip it real slow. Those old evening gowns, wedding dresses, etc still have a very useful purpose if you just let them. Do as much as you can every day to look your best because then yu feel better about yourself and then you are more productive. The Vavoom Salon in Minneapolis does wardrobe/cosmetic/hair consultations that are very affordable. It is an Oprah MUST HAVE and every woman should get one. Take care of Mama, because if the Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy. GO GET ‘EM FOXY LADY! Love and Belief, Shonner

I turned 47 yesterday.

Regarding solutions, is denial a permissible albeit unfortunately effective solution?

I know it is out of hand that everyone has to be size 2 -4-6-8- or they are fat. Learn to love you body , warts and all. We are who we are and it is out mind and heart that makes us worthwhile, not how thin we are

its easy to come up with 5 or 7 or 10 tips to overcome it. but acting on them is so much harder. for every hour i spend feeling sorry for myself i sometimes may have 1 minute thinking i like my eyes, then a friend comes along and say, “oh my look at those bags under your eyes.”

self esteem is hard to build up when people around you don’t realize how sensitive certain issues are.

Thank you everyone so much for your comments! I wanted to share a quote with you I found on the fantastic blog “Healthy Girl” by Maya Angelou (check out the whole post here, http://healthygirl.org/2009/11/11/the-best-body-image-line-ive-ever-heard/):

“I want to be as beautiful as I can be—to MYSELF first. THEN to whomever has the SENSE to see me.”

Sunny, of Healthy Girl, also links to Dr. Angelou’s poem, “Phenomenal Woman”: http://www.poetryfoundation.org/archive/poem.html?id=178942

I’d suffered most of my life, because my Aunts and cousins made me felt ugly, every time I’m around them they always said “Oh My Gosh” you look fat. You don’t have no shape and no butt. But the truth is that I’m 31 years old, I Model and Do some Acting in my previous years. It took me more than 25 years of my life to actually love myself. I am married and have 2 kids, my husband always said to me I married the most beautiful girl on the world and my Kids always want me to go to their school so everyone see me and usually they comment oh my gosh it thats your mom and they said yes, and everyone said your a liar she look like your sister wow she look so young i can’t believe it, even my kids teachers always asked me for an id. So the truth is that no matter if we chubby or skinny its about your self-esteem if you around negative people like some of my family that always have something to say its because they hated their-self and want you to feel the same way they feel. You call that jealousy, let me put it this way i have 2 kids right and I’m 5′6 height and 120 pounds. Now i know I’m not big but people around me said the wrongs things because they looked like me before they had kids. I really don’t care if i get big because for the first time I love myself and it took me long to feel the way I feel…

My mom, dad, and my 2 brothers always made me feel good. But i didn’t listened because I have 8 Aunts and 12 Cousins who constantly came to my house just to criticism and look at me up and down and said oh girl you need help, did you ever see yourself in the mirror you know horror stuff like that so since I was on Elementary school I heard you ugly, Growing up into 31 years that I am now I still heard those comments.. But since I go to church and read the bible thats when my life totally change. I know God loves me the way I am and he will not change me because for him I’m special and unique in certain way. I thank God for my My mom, dad, 2 brothers, 2 kids and Husband because they never gave up on me at all…. They always being there… So please if you reading this do not let anyone to hurt you remember that God created you because your special and unique and you need to be around people who is positive those people that make you feel bad its because they’re unhappy and want you to feel the same way they feel… Now I think about those stuff I laugh because most of my Aunt and Cousins are 3 or 4 times my size they was just jealous. If you have Cruel Aunt, cousin or a friend that make you feel bad, Don’t pick up the phone or invite them inside your house you don’t want the same experience to repeat with your kids. JUST MOVE ON…..

God created different races, body shapes, etc. Don’t try to be like a super model or hollywood actresses because in fact no one its perfect. I really don’t understand why we always care about others… Live your life and forget who said and who don’t. I don’t want to spend another year thinking if I’m ugly or not. Like I said everyone is beautiful, Thats why God let you born isn’t…. We are not the only one facing negativity even celebrities doing they-self surgery to look better,,,, because in some time on their life they let someone tell them negative comments… Who ever said any negative comment about you its because they hated their-self and want you to join the same club…. So please its time for you to have a good life walk away from it and don’t look back just breath and go on in your life, don’t feel guilty just be happy of yourself either your skinny, chubby or big it no matter JUST LOVE YOURSELF, eat right and exercise sometimes so you don’t ending up with bad joints, etc. Stop complaining about if you ugly or fat or whatever its time to move on 2010 a new year coming up start having a positive mind and start to appreciate yourself, treat yourself now and then and please don’t let anyone to destroy the real beauty you have, I did waste half of my life hated myself Don’t do the same…. God bless you and if anyone need a friend or someone to talk to I’m not a doctor I’m just a regular person. But if you feel you need someone positive to walk you to the right direction I’ll be there if you need me… You can contact me at lings75@hotmail.com God bless you and don’t let anyone ruin one more year of your life.

Great to see this article! Too many people are in pain around their bodies. You may want to learn more about the Health at Every Size community, which supports people in implementing the suggestions listed here. To learn more and show your support, check out the (free) Health at Every Size Community Resources (www.HAESCommunity.Org). An internet search will also lead you to plenty more information.

“She behaves as if she was beautiful. Most American women do. It is the secret of their charm.” — Oscar Wilde

I made a commitment for the new year to be more positive about myself and my body. Some days are better than others. Sometimes I can manage to muster up the courage to put on a tight pair of jeans and a little makeup. Other times, it’s the baggy pants and the hoodie. The above quote from Oscar Wilde is meant to be my new motto… the old one was a subconscious motto that went like this: “If you don’t look like you’re trying, people won’t be able to say you’re failing.”