Having a “fat day,” not finding something flattering to wear or outright hating our bodies has made us miss out on many things. We’ve missed out on good times with friends and making friends. We’ve missed out on dating and dances. Trying out for a sport. Trying on clothes that we like. Kicking butt on a job assignment. Being good to ourselves.

I’ve listed a few suggestions below on quieting our harshest critic (ourselves, of course!) and not missing out.

1. Explore why. When you say no to dating or getting out of the house, what’s the reason? Is it because you don’t look your best or because you still need to lose ten pounds? Is it because you’re really anxious about meeting new people, being rejected? Is it because you don’t think you’re good enough in general? Why not? Finding a quiet place and thinking about the reasons can help you better understand where you’re coming from and how you can move on from this unhealthy place. Consider making a list with your reasons. 

2. Consider what you’re missing (and have already missed). When you’re feeling good and can be somewhat objective, consider what you’re missing out on and write it down. (I’m a huge fan of lists; I think they – or any kind of writing – help you make sense of your thoughts in a concrete, tangible way, so you can take action). Your list can be as simple as “missing out on seeing old friends, job promotion, dating, laughing, being happy, enjoying my own company.” Also, think about how missing those things makes you feel. And write that down. Feel free to take out the list when your inner critical voice starts yapping.

3. Will it matter five years from now? When I was younger, I cared a lot (probably too much) about what others thought of me. Does my outfit look good enough? Will someone think I’m not thin enough to wear it? Am I pretty to others? I’ve read this advice in various places (here’s one), and it’s a nice way of looking at life …

If you’re having a “fat day,” do you stay in?

Does a fat day dictate whether you get together with your girlfriends or even run a few errands? Does finding a flattering outfit to wear determine your plans? If you can’t find the perfect slimming dress for tonight’s party, do you decline the invite?

Does how you feel about your body change how you structure your day or how your day goes?

Years ago, as a college student, I distinctly remember standing in my walk-in closet, scanning the hangers like a mad woman for something nice to wear, something that would make me look and feel pretty, something that would hide my flourishing fat. I was already running late. And every piece of clothing I picked up and put on looked horrible.

Several shirts clung too tightly to my stomach. The jeans felt physically uncomfortable. The skirts didn’t fit right either. I felt like the energizer bunny, swiftly trying on a slew of outfits, turning every which way in the mirror – to no avail. I’d nix them one by one, hurling a few critical remarks at myself in the process. I finally chose a go-to outfit, after spending several minutes, sitting with my head in my hands, crying in my closet. I had a gnawing urge to call and cancel. I didn’t. I did end up having a nice dinner with friends.

It might’ve been a small thing but I realized the power of a negative body image, the power of disgust. It almost prevented me from enjoying a fun dinner with friends, who’d never judge me, who’d care less if I showed up in my schlumpiest sweats. My distaste for my body was that influential. Looking back on it, I wish I could’ve told myself that I’d be OK. I wish I’d been kinder…

In my first post for Weightless, my last solution for a bruised body image involved considering what you miss out on when you’re busy bashing your body.

While we’re crying in the closet or volleying insults in our minds, we may miss out on meaningful things, whether big or small. An important event …

Recently a pilot study, published in the Journal of Adolescent Health, found that yoga was effective in treating adolescents with anorexia, bulimia and eating disorder not otherwise specified (or EDNOS, the grab bag category, which includes eating disorders that don’t fit the criteria for anorexia or bulimia).

Specifically, the study looked at two groups: one group received standard care, which involved an appointment with a physician or dietician every other week; the second received standard care plus yoga.

Immediately after the yoga sessions, teens reported being less preoccupied with food. At 12 weeks, these teens also had lower scores on the self-report questionnaire, Eating Disorder Examination. While the teens who didn’t practice yoga experienced an initial decline in scores, they returned to their baseline at week 12. Also, importantly, the teens didn’t lose any weight. The researchers concluded that, “Results suggest that individualized yoga therapy holds promise as adjunctive therapy to standard care.”

Q&A with Eating Disorder Specialists

To learn more, I emailed with Sharon Behl, MA, LPC., E-RYT, primary therapist and yoga therapist at the Eating Recovery Center and Kenneth L. Weiner, MD, CEDS, co-founder and medical director of the Eating Recovery Center.

1. I was under the impression that inpatient centers typically prohibit exercise because it can become a method of purging (if it isn’t already). Even though the study was done in outpatient treatment, it seems counterintuitive to recommend yoga for individuals with eating disorders. What are your thoughts?

Behl: This is a concern that we hear occasionally. However, studies show that a low level of exercise can actually contribute to better overall patient experience in treatment.

It’s important to understand that yoga is more than the postures and poses we typically identify with the practice. Yoga also involves breathing, focus, relaxation and guided imagery. This contemplative practice increases an individual’s sense of well-being. People with eating disorders often feel disconnected from their bodies…yoga helps them to reconnect, offering moments of “being okay” in their bodies.

2. What is it about yoga that may have helped in reducing eating disorder symptoms?

Behl: At the physiological level, yoga allows a patient’s relaxation response to kick in. This process can …

Today, I’m happy to present an interview with Therese Borchard, who contributes regularly to Psych Central and has her own popular blog, Beyond Blue. There, she writes candidly and thoughtfully about her struggles with depression and anxiety. Her memoir “Beyond Blue: Surviving Depression & Anxiety and Making the Most of Bad Genes” will be released in January 2010.

Below, Therese talks about her eating disorder, recovery and what families can do to help a loved one.

1. How and when did your eating disorder start? What do you think contributed to it?

My eating disorder started in the sixth or seventh grade, once I began to dance (ballet) seriously and get pressured by my dance instructors to maintain a willowy figure. By the time I was in eighth grade, I wanted to pursue becoming a professional ballerina, and to do so (at that time … I hear the pressure on young dancers is less now) pretty much required watching absolutely everything you put in your mouth. By the time I was in ninth grade, I was no longer menstruating and weighed 103 pounds (at 5”8’).

Even if I hadn’t pursued dance, however, I was extremely susceptible to an eating disorder at that time. My parents separated when I was in fifth grade, and our home life was a bit of a mess in the years that followed. As so many adolescents do, I manipulated my relationship with food because it was one thing that I could control … the only thing at that time, and so it gave me a false sense of power, which was very seductive.

2. Many women with eating disorders are reluctant to seek treatment. Some describe their eating disorder as a friend and, as a result, tend to be very protective and secretive about it. What motivated you to seek treatment?

I didn’t really seek treatment. Treatment sought me. What I mean was that it wasn’t until my freshman year at college that I really admitted to having an eating problem and started to ask myself the hard questions about what might be lurking behind it. Throughout high school, I simply transferred my …

Most of us are familiar with the book, Eat This, Not That, and the concept behind it. Magazines are filled with these types of features, showing us which foods are superior to their calorie-soaked counterparts. We regularly see these sorts of segments on TV, too.

But while this information may help us make healthier choices, there’s also a slew of insidious messages. When looking through the latest Fitness, where I found some interesting advice, I came across the following sidebar (copied directly from the magazine; unfortunately, the sidebar wasn’t available online). And it made me nervous:

Instant Motivation

Having trouble choosing healthier holiday treats? Look how much gym time you can save!

NAUGHTY

1 slice pecan pie
NICE

1 slice pumpkin pie
SAVE YOURSELF

25 minutes on the stationary bike (187 calories)

2.75-ounce

cosmopolitan
4-ounce glass

Champagne
9 minutes of jogging

(62 calories)

4 tablespoons

spinach-artichoke dip
4 tablespoons

hummus
11 minutes on the stairmill

(100 calories)

4 Swedish meatballs

(cocktail size)
4 stuff baby

portobello caps
25 minutes of walking

(100 calories)

6 coconut shrimp
6 shrimp with

cocktail sauce
89 minutes of weight lifting

(567 calories)

Why? Because this type of advice fosters a shaky, at best — and destructive, at worst — way of thinking about food and fitness. Don’t get me wrong: I’m all about giving people the tools they need to become sharp and savvy consumers and make informed decisions. For instance, the amount of calories in some  restaurant foods is shocking, and as consumers, it’s important for us to know. But… this goes too far.

This table, and others like it, transmit the following risky messages. They imply:

1. That we have to work off every calorie we consume, or it’ll go straight to our thighs and make us horribly huge. Which is a myth. According to eating disorder specialist Sari Shepphird, Ph.D, …

Obesity in teens is a big problem but so is disordered eating. Several years ago, it seemed like every media outlet was shouting from the rooftops about the childhood obesity epidemic. Back then, I wondered how the obesity panic was going to affect kids and teens. Scaring and shaming kids into weight loss (I’d like to say healthy habits, but shedding pounds appears to be the main focus) can bring other unhealthy consequences.

According to recent research in November’s International Journal of Eating Disorders, disordered eating, such as  not eating enough, skipping meals, fasting and using food substitutes, was actually common among a sample of 412 overweight teens (see here for abstract). The teens completed self-report questionnaires in 1998-1999 and again five years later. This research is part of a big longitudinal study from the University of Minnesota called Project EAT.

Study Results

(Time 1 refers to EAT I; and Time 2 is EAT II):

Among girls:

• Among the 232 overweight female adolescents, 30.8 percent engaged in disordered eating at Time 1; at Time 2, it increased to 40.1 percent.

• Of girls who didn’t engage in disordered eating initially, about one-third of them started to by Time 2.

• Among the 71 girls who were already engaging in disordered eating at Time 1, about half continued engaging in disordered eating at Time 2.

Among boys:

• Among the 180 overweight male adolescents, 13.4 percent engaged in disordered eating at Time 1; at Time 2, 20.2 percent  did.

• Among the 24 overweight males engaging in disordered eating behaviors at Time 1, 37.6 percent continued at Time 2.

• Of the boys who didn’t engage in disordered eating, 17.5 percent started by Time 2.

Disordered eating behaviors can also serve as a gateway to more extreme methods of weight control, such as self-induced vomiting, diet pills, laxatives and diuretics. In fact, almost all the girls who reported disordered eating at Time 2 used at least one extreme method and a third reported binge eating, with loss of control. Same with the boys: The majority who engaged in disordered eating also used extreme methods and almost a third reported binge …

Women’s magazines are packed with eating and exercise advice. Churning out new, novel ways to eat less and work out more is their bread and butter. So to an extent, I can understand why advice may be hit or miss. I get that it’s tough to come up with creative strategies to eat better for every issue, every year. And in all fairness, some advice is helpful. However, while all of this is true, I’ve also run across some tips that are simply silly (like laugh-out-loud ludicrous) and others that are downright infuriating! Initially, I was going to let the advice speak for itself, but for some tidbits, I just couldn’t contain myself.

1. “Satisfy a snack attack” with dried plums. “The women [in a San Diego State University study] said the intense flavor [of the dried plums] satisfied their craving for sweets as much as the [low-fat] cookies did. Stash some in your desk for a healthy snack—five prunes have just 100 calories. {Women’s Health, October 2009, pg. 32}

I understand the idea behind this tip: Satisfy your cravings with something that’s both sweet and healthy. Realistically, though, I can’t see how a prune can substitute for a sweet treat like cookies or chocolate. Plus, the study used low-fat cookies, which aren’t exactly delicious. Maybe if I had to choose between a low-fat cookie and a prune, I just might reach for the prune (or a delicious piece of dark chocolate).

2. “Read between the lines…’Descriptive adjectives like luscious and juicy are all over restaurant menus and can actually make you order more,’ says Brian Wansink, Ph.D., author of Mindless Eating…Practice picking out these adjectives on a menu the next time you dine out (sizzling, creamy and rich are a few of the most popular.) The more easily you recognize them, the less they’ll sway you.” {Fitness, …

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