I appreciated reading this reflection on completing therapy, ie termination of therapy. I really hate that word termination because it makes me feel like I am a bug ro something…My T and I just started talking about therapy and how ending it will look and feel. That was a week ago. I have had such a difficult time with this thought, being without my therapist, the boat I can hang onto or climb into when the waves of life prove tumultuous.We haven’t begun to process the ending yet, just thinking about less frequency, such as once per week for a month or two, then once a month for several months, then twice yearly, etc.

Right now I am very afraid of this, and afraid of the feelings this invokes inside of me that run deep…But my therapist has been with me all the way for several years now, guiding me, listening to me, providing an atomosphere of safety and stability, and finally helping the little girl inside to take his hand and trust him enough to tell him things that were burried so deep down inside. Which was a good thing, and had to happen. So now she feels free….but… she loves the therapist a whole lot because she is free, and he is the one who helped her have enough trust and safety to tell him. She does not know how to let him go, and the adult does not know how to do this either, even though she wants to try. So I have asked my therapist to help me, to teach me how to say goodbye in a healthy way.

Because of how he has helped me, listened, supported, provided safety, cared for me, shared his own struggles, I have hope that he will do exactly this, he will help me, teach me, and maybe even show me…So I guesss we aren’t quite done yet, which is a good thing because I think learning how to say goodbye in a healthy way without being self-destructive is such an important thing to learn. But I also know that learning it will be a difficult process filled with fear, confusion, roadblocks, good memories, as well as not so good, along with the trouble I have with emtional regulation, as well as fortune telling, mind reading, projection, and all the rest that results from trauma. This is the hard part. I still get triggered by false evidence appearing real, and that makes me want to run away or tell him I hate him, or show me that I hate me. So I have a lot to learn in this final stage…

Your description of your therapy helps me to have hope that my time will come, and I can also go on my way, and like you, I am certain I will hear my therapit’s voice, wonder about if he thinks of me, and know that I can return if the waves start to overwhelm the boat.

Thanks for sharing…