Depression has had a different meaning for me roughly every five to ten years.  Life experience changes the face and shadow of my depression and adds many levels and layers to who I think I am.

As I approach my half-century I look back over my life and, with the wonderful wisdom of hindsight, can clearly pinpoint what went wrong and where it got worse.  As I learn more and more about the concept of mindfulness I realise it brings me not so much happiness – but far less misery, and a sense of unconditional reality and normality.

Although I meditate, “bliss” for me is as remote as Tibet is to the Dalai Lama.  If “normal” is just a setting on the washing machine, then “bliss” is just an ice-cream I see in the freezer department of my local supermarket where I get my frozen fish and sausages.

6 Comments to
The Changing Face of My Depression

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  1. Wonderful post Sonia, You capture so beautifully how maturity changes our perspective. I wonder, has our condition changed, or just our relationship to it?

  2. Hi Tom,
    The world has not changed. In fact the more things change the more they stay the same. So I am reasonably sure my relationship to it has changed :)
    Wisdom comes with age – sometimes. Psychodynamic psychotherapy helps as well. At least it did in my case.
    Sonia

  3. God is now within me and all around me, in the trees and the flowers.
    I guess the more we look for the smallest piece of magic around us we get to experience it even more.
    There’s always something magical to see if you look hard enough.

  4. Three cheers for psychodynamic therapy.

  5. Great post!

  6. J your Blog Manager here – I really loved this post, Sonia. It was real and unapologetic and made me feel, as a 27-year-old, that there is still so much for me to discover about myself…

  7. Erik Erikson’s stages of pychosocial development is a very interesting read.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erik_Erikson

    It theorises what the average person should be generally experiencing at what age. It is interesting to note he stopped his stage theory at 65. He was born in 1902 and died at age 92 in 1994. He said he wished he had researched stages beyond age 65, but at the time felt that life didn’t change after that age and conceded later that it certainly did. I love Erikson.

    J. You are very wise at age 27, much more wise than I ever was at that age. I am still discovering many facets of myself, many I like and a few that I don’t. I am working on the ones that I don’t.

  8. You know what really burns me? That once our childhood years are screwed up, it takes years or decades before we find healing or resolution. Talk about being cheated.

    (I am a 40 year old man who has been on the path of healing and recovery since age 16). Will I ever find wholeness?

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