Over the years, I’ve been fired, resigned or walked out (before I was pushed) on more jobs than there are symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder. I never understood why this was happening to me and I always thought it was the company’s fault, the other employees fault or that the Universe hated me.
There was always a honeymoon period where I fitted in for a couple of months, then came unstuck when the first small drama occurred. This was always followed by a huge behavioural reaction from me. I had not learned how to accept the vagaries of how companies operated, the diverse range of personalities concerned and my own borderline reaction to real or perceived workplace situations. I reacted before I reasoned.
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Thanks so much for the great advice.
ME
5:43 am on
January 3rd, 2012You said above: “I could not do that, I was looking for perfect employment, the same as I was looking for the perfect mother. Neither exist.”
Thank you so much for writing these words especially, because I see (finally!!) that I am doing the same thing. I expend SO much energy into my claims that my company is not what I want, doesn’t provide for me, etc. And now I can see the very same thing that you write about – this is another instance of me looking for the perfect mother, for me wanting my employer (and manager and coworkers) to provide for me what I need (as if finally providing what I needed when young, and didn’t get). I made a similar statement to my therapist recently, but I didn’t quite make the connection. Thank you and best wishes to you!
Hi Sonia
only someone who has lived through the intensity of transference can appreciate the depth of your achievement in being able to relativise your relationship with your therapist so wisely in the past. For anyone in the throes of that transference struggle it’s so important to realise that this period outside therapy (where I am now) is when we really start to taste the fruit of what happened back there – and that the letting go process is as intrinsic to growth as all the nurturing and fostering…
I have a question I’d like to put – like you I’m drawn to working in the mental health field. I’d like to know what your opinion is of the work of Carl Rogers – - I’m considering undertaking a Rogerian training course to be a counsellor. All the best and please keep blogging
I think Carl Rogers is fabulous. Unconditional Positive Regard etc and part of the movement that looks at achieving our potential rather than focussing on the deficits. My therapist liked him and the humanist movement but she classed herself as “eclectic” which encompassed a lot of different modes.
Your posts never cease to exude a certain inner strength, I hope I will be able to grasp mine someday and secure it.
Mind Bopper
4:37 pm on
May 2nd, 2012I am heartened to learn that you are now in a good job with prospects – well done!! I particularly picked up on the fact that you are working in a validating environment. Pardon me for sounding stup id but does that mean that you work for an employer who supports you in view of your diagnosis. Did you have to divulge the fact that you have been diagnosed with BPD?
I have had a poor employment history due to having traits of BPD and am having difficulty with my current employer – am off sick with depression as a result. I didn’t divulge my diagnosis because of the stigma – I thought that I now my behaviour wouldn’t get the job.
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