It occurred to me the other day that I had not thought about myself in terms of excessive guilt, shame and disgust for many months.  This coincided around about the time I started my new job working with self-actualised people in the mental health field and making long overdue decisions about what sort of people I surrounded myself with in my private life.

I never seemed to have the discriminatory powers to know who was good for me, who was not good for me and who was perfectly evil in my life.  I also put strict boundaries around certain family members.  There are people in my life determined to make me feel shame and guilt because that is what they do best. 

4 Comments to
Borderline Personality Disorder: Guilt, Shame and Disgust

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  1. This is an ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT post and so helpful really. It has ironed out a lot of wrinkles that were keeping me from putting things into the right order.
    This was my favorite:
    “I choose (and it is a healthy choice) to emotionally and psychically separate from them and live my own relatively guilt free, shame-free and disgust-free life. The issues, grudges and problems they may have with me originate from them and belong to them. They cannot project or introject their thoughts and feelings into me anymore. I feel strong, liberated and empowered.”

    It’s their problem. And I allow what people think of me to deeply affect how I feel about myself. It’s got to end. I deserve better.

    This is a really great post.
    I’m going to tweet it :)

    Michelle Santagate

  2. I know of one person who has held (amongst many others) a grudge against a woman for 45 years because this woman once made a comment about her. I choose not to remember hurtful comments from days gone past but I remember every wonderful comment I have gotten through my blogs.

  3. Being the victim of a severely borderline mother and wife. I’ve read the majority of your articles here and find your honesty to be refreshing.

    It does give insight into your BPD even if ,at times, it can be one sided. Which is exactly why I’m going to give some constructive input.

    1. After over 13 years of intense therapy, group, self help and the like, for you to still be feeling such intensely scrambled emotions disturbs me.

    It seems that after nearly 14 years of someones life being spent paying a therapist? That they continue feeling so emotionally raw? To the degree that you often discuss? Is a sign.

    I’m sorry but somethings amiss here.

    Have you considered a therapist who specializes in BPD? From another country? My ex wife went through sessions with someone who is a certified specialist in the field of BPD and we noticed a drastic difference. This is in the United States.

    Quoting Freud? Sonia in this country quoting Freud is a sure bet that someone is being misled therapeutically. I’m just being honest here.

    2. You said: “I choose (and it is a healthy choice) to emotionally and psychically separate from them and live my own relatively guilt free, shame-free and disgust-free life. The issues, grudges and problems they may have with me originate from them and belong to them. They cannot project or introject their thoughts and feelings into me anymore. I feel strong, liberated and empowered.” …

    Ok, what about sincerely apologizing to them? Empathizing with them in person? Isn’t that something you’ve learned in 13 years of therapy with this woman?

    Please do not tell me you are incapable of openly apologizing with deep sincere empathy and admitting your faults in front of another adult human being that you have hurt at some point in time with BPD.

    If so? I repeat please seek alternative therapy.

    I’m not getting a good vibe here. I’m honestly beginning to believe you are NOT receiving the best possible care for your BPD in particular.

    BPD is an epidemic here in the United States. So we do have some pretty amazing therapists to deal with it specifically.

    It only took about 4 years of treatment for my ex wife to break the shame, guilt and on again off again alcohol cycle that were nearly life long!

    Due to her being victim of intense sexual abuse (words cannot describe), neglect (beyond comprehension at some points), missing father issues (severely molested by father figures actually) and deep shame brought upon her by own actions (whoaa! the things this led her to do before seeking help)

    4 years is a considerably less amount of time than nearly 14 years! Her automatic shame reaction? Is nearly non existent at this point. Her pathological lying? Gone. Her ability to freely admit fault while apologizing sincerely face to face and learning from her mistakes? Is absolutely top notch now.

    I’m being 100% honest with you here. Something is amiss. I do not believe you are receiving the best possible care. In fact their is a name for the position you may be stuck in concerning the healing scale of BPD.

    I also believe your therapist is unknowingly (hopefully!) enabling this.

    Don’t be a victim. I’m seriously beginning to question your therapists credentials, abilities and dare I say intentions?

    This is an honest opinion by someone who was raised in it. Based on reading all of your material that I could possibly find on this website.

    There is absolutely no reason that you should not be receiving the best care humanly possible concerning BPD. I do not believe that you are.

    • Dear Wait a minute,
      Having issues, having intense emotions, suffering from guilt and reading Freud are human qualities. Therapy is not meant to eliminate human nature and feelings, it is meant to put you more in control of them. I still feel intense emotions but I do not act on them. I have been seeing the same therapist for 16 years but there were many years I did not see her. I saw her on an “as needed” basis for various issues. She has helped me with work issues and worked with me though a job promotion, much media work including radio presenting jobs and two published books. My blog is also in many instances retrospective and reflective. I write with my readers in view whom I know still suffer from intense raw emotions and I try to help them see other perspectives. My life works and has been working for many years now with a few hiccups. Pretty much like anyone else’s life.

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