The therapy “hour” is anywhere from 45 – 60 minutes, which is clearly not nearly enough time to arrive, get down and get dirty before you have to leave, half way through, without finishing what you started out and feeling like something has not been completed. The therapist might be left gasping and glowing with satisfaction, but essentially if this was sex you’d be faking your orgasm and walking out with your head held high and having to wait till next week when you get to do the same old frustrating exercise all over again.

If the session was 2 hours long, I might start to feel as though the earth had moved for me as well. It would be wonderful if you could just radiate in the afterglow of the warm therapeutic space that had been created by the two of you, but after 45 – 60 minutes it’s time for you to get out still feeling hot and bothered (and for the next client to come in cold) all the time brooding and ruminating that the earth might just move for them in a way it did not for you.

The solution – more time is needed, the therapeutic hour needs to be lengthened. It takes me half an hour just to feel relaxed enough, safe and secure enough, before I feel as though I can throw off my fears and anxieties, embrace the atmosphere and let go. So what do you do if you don’t feel exploding fireworks? That is when you have to go home, light the match and finish off the job yourself.

This is always where you need to use protection, to protect yourself from the damage of retraumatisation, by feeling abandoned or rejected by the lack of enough time to deal with your feelings and emotions. It does feel like a form of professional rejection and abandonment when you are told, “I have to finish now, Sonia” when clearly I have not even begun. It never feels like an ending for me, I am left high and dry and it is ongoing. The only person left with a smile on her face is my therapist. It’s the longest sex I have ever had without a climax.

So I find relief by going on the internet to discover something I didn’t know about myself, by educating myself, by finding information, by googling mental health on You Tube, by going to a self help meetings, watching movies, reading books, listening to the radio or talking to other people.

Sublimate your needs by drawing, writing, painting, dancing, sculpting, carving, gardening, exercising, bike-riding, horse-riding or volunteering to help people less fortunate than yourself. No matter what you do, look after your own needs and make sure you end up as satisfied as possible.

Sometimes a session with my therapist is the best sex I never had.



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    Last reviewed: 16 Mar 2012

APA Reference
Neale, S. (2012). Borderline Personality Disorder: Was it as Good for You?. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 29, 2015, from



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