Archives for September, 2010

The Secret Life of Masturbating Women

There is a secret society of women who have discovered there's more to life than getting their lazy teenage daughters to tidy their rooms, or their procrastinating husbands to change the washer on that dripping tap.  Who recognize that there's more to Me Time than getting up early to sweat it out to Aerobics Oz Style.

All harassed, overworked and underpaid mothers should be let in on this secret.  The one that stops targetless anger threatening the harmony of the family, that makes mother feel good, gives her a healthy inner glow and even promotes weight loss.

Have you guessed it yet? Well, here's a clue. Once you've outlaid the money for some decent hardware, it'll cost you virtually nothing for the rest of your life - except for the price of the batteries.
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The Synchronicity of Twitching

Synchronicity is God’s gentle way of nudging us towards what is important in our life.

If we stand still for long enough we can recognize when the Universe is whispering its dulcet tones in our pink and shell-like earts.  Sometimes we are hard of hearing or we simply choose not to listen.  But the Universe never shouts at us, it doesn’t grab us by the shoulders and shake our bones.  We need to slow down in order to receive whatever message she is trying to impart.
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Buddhist Boot Camp

The loss of childhood, for many reasons, can never be found; except sometimes as an adult when one develops a child-like mind.

It was last weekend when I truly realized what a blessing it is to see the wonder of nature, not through the tired, jaded eyes of a forty-something adult with a hefty mortgage, three teenage children, lost job opportunities, estranged relationships and long-term, free-range mental health issues.  I had been dancing so fast I could not stand still long enough for the dust to settle in one place.
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Family Picnics and Other Natural Disasters

Picnics and barbecues are supposed to be part of the bonding glue that holds families together.  But sometimes having to smile a lot, be jolly, curb your tongue, converse with people you don’t normally associate with and being on your best behaviour is physically, emotionally and psychologically exhausting.  Coupled with high expectations for the day, it can also be the detonation that drives the family apart.  Put a group of family members in a close knit situation and it can be the dry kindling to a lethal bush fire.

That was not the case yesterday on Father’s Day in Western Australia.  For once everything went smoothly, the shopping, the cooking, the preparing, packing the esky, letting my sixteen year old son drive us there in his car, choosing the right spot with enough shade, setting up the table and sitting down to wine and beer and good conversations.

Two essential ingredients to the smooth running of a good family picnic are wine and beer.  There should be enough to go round and enough to soothe the savage memories of the ghosts of previous picnics gone by.
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