Comments on: The Darker Side of Therapy – Ten Ways to Deal with Dependency

By: Sue

Sue — Sat, 14 May 2011 18:47:16 +0000

I fully agree with crystalrose on this one. Play acting a fantasy-child relationship, creating dependency, only creates more dependency, self-delusion and incompetence, the opposite of mental health. This theory of some new emergence is nothing but a folie a deux.

By: RI

RI — Sun, 01 Aug 2010 08:03:36 +0000

Thank you Lifer…I have been so confused and so angry..My therapit left me for reasons I do not know..she sent “The Letter” the day before she said she woud never leave…no matter how angry I got…well she did the next day..she will not talk to me or let me know why she left me confused and scared, she said she will read my file to me if I have another therapist with me..? I dont get it…I give up she makes me want to die

By: Lifer

Lifer — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 06:26:47 +0000

No, no, no and no

I’m sure the author and myself have common ground- I was once diagnosed with BPD but have been told in recent years that I no longer fit the criteria. However, dependency on a therapist is the healing agent that does the job! It needs to be worked through with the therapist not “exorcised”. A good therapist is not afraid of the attachment- it is a tool! “Cane toads of the therapy world?” Kind of cruel, very unnecessary.

My therapist once said that “BPD is the diagnosis you get when the clinician doesn’t like you.” He was being a bit facetious, recognizing that BPD is a real diagnosis but a flawed catch-all at best.

If you feel you need nurturing in therapy seek it out. Trust your instincts about what you need. If your therapist regards your needs with trepidation as stated in the article – RUN. there are therapists out there who do get job satisfaction from mothering someone back to health. It can never change the past but it can feel like “enough”–sometimes more so!

I found it, you can too. Don’t see yourself as unreachable. Don’t see love as impossible.

By: SNAZYSIGMUND

SNAZYSIGMUND — Sun, 02 May 2010 21:21:37 +0000

I DONT THINK ANY OF THIS SHOULD BE TAKEN LIGHTLY I DONT THINK THE DEPENDENCY IS EITHER THE THERAPISTS OR THE CLIENTS FAULT IT IS TRANSFERENCE AND CO TRANSFERENCE IT IS EVIDENTLY UNRESOLVED ON THE CLIENTS PART AND SHOULD BE DISCVUSSED BETWEEN THE THERAPIST AND THE CLIENT. THIS SOMETIMES IS WHAT CAUSES WHAT THERAPISTS REFER TO AS BEING STUCK. THEY BOTH ARE UNABLE TO MOVE BEYOND THAT RUT IF IT IS ALL DISCUSSED AND RESOLVED AND MOVE FORWARD WITH THE THERAPEUTIC PROCESS. THIS IS THE WAY I THINK A GOOD EFFECTIVE THERAPIST WOULD GO ABOUT RESOLVING THIS ISSUE.

By: client

client — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 07:41:00 +0000

The best cure for dependency? Sending the client a big fat bill. I can’t really get attached knowing that my parents are footing the bill and its quite expensive. I was sort of starting to get attached and I was afraid to get “better” because I didn’t want to lose the relationship, but then I remembered that this is a service, and expensive one at that, and it’s supposed to make me feel better. My therapist also said I could call her in the future and that you are supposed to have “check-up” sessions every 6 months or so.

By: phris

phris — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 02:19:22 +0000

ok, I admit it. I’m scratching my head on this one…supposed to be funny or not?

By: Julia Fernandez

Julia Fernandez — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 02:51:58 +0000

Well dependency on therapist like no other but the worst is that…she misreported our sessions to the police to claim i was harassing her, I was desperate for help and she was scared for crossing so many boundaries over the years. I have never felt so alone, so scared and I only called because I wanted someone or something to help me transition. I have no family and I lost a lot of my friends because of my therapist. She also misreported the facts and got a restraining order…i know it’s about her license and the board.
I have been harassed and bullied from the same women to showed me what it felt like to be seen.
All tragic.

By: anonymous

anonymous — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 02:54:07 +0000

Well I’ve got to say that many years of dependency on my therapist, I am sorry I went down this path.

The only resolution now for me is cold turkey. I am not going to be torn apart for months over weaning this relationship. I just haven’t picked the day yet that I am leaving.

I pushed for a more real relationship and got it. Now I’m suffering for it. When I move on he’ll be glad and won’t flinch. Me? The suffering will last forever.

By: Beth

Beth — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 12:17:13 +0000

It sounds to me like your therapist really missed out on this with you. Unless, of course, the therapist feels he/she is being threatened in some way. The best way to deal with transference issues is to to explore and understand them. Your transference within that relationship is like a blueprint of sorts. It is a wealth of information about you…what motivates you, what you need and desire within relationships, what you need to work on within relationships and it basically tells you a whole lot about who you are. I can’t imagine being left to hold all of that and to have to do it alone. It must have been agonizing to have all of this happen with a “no open-door” policy for returning. I’m very sorry to hear this happened to you. It seems like a missed opportunity to learn a great deal about yourself.

By: Julia Fernandez

Julia Fernandez — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 04:37:06 +0000

You are awesome! I relate to everything you are saying.
I just wish my therapist didn;t take some of my comments so personally..Although, the Transference got out of control..so I guess termination was the only option…with no open door ever to return or check in,,,and that has almost killed me.