wow thats a mess! take control girl!

I really relate to this too - when I was severely depressed I really didn’t care what I looked like or what I ate or anything because I was certain I wouldn’t be around much longer anyway. I am much better than I was, though the ADs that have helped, have also contributed to my weight gain. Sometimes it feels I can see clearly again now, and know I need to take charge of my health again, but it’s hard to give up that “self-harm by stealth” attitude.

Good luck with the dog-walking, that sounds a really good place to start. Sadly we lost our elderly dog just a few weeks ago - far too soon to think about getting another, but maybe I will have to find one to befriend.

I, too, gained weight on meds–bipolar for me. 50 lbs. in 12 yrs. so now on high blood pressure meds & high cholesterol meds & am testing in the diabetic range (both parents were diabetic). Plus, it has damaged my marital relationship. Self-esteem (never good)is in the gutter. I have been taken off the offending medication & am taking a diabetes educ. class & signed up for a “boot camp.”

I did quit smoking on the medication for bipolar.

Something I read recently: What price are you currently paying for not taking control? I’m paying a HUGE price for not being in control of my eating & exercise, both physically & emotionally. I am disgusted w/myself & husband not real happy either, as I was actually very active & kept my weight under control previous to starting on meds. But, of course, I smoked & was having severe mood swings & suicide attempts.

So I will have to pay a price for giving up those destructive behaviors–the immediate gratification that food can provide (for me it soothes me, relieves stress at the moment–helps me blank out my mind)–plus of course, the taste & feeling of fullness are an immediate reward.

Today to complete my exercise was a major hassle (do it at home w/stairmaster & treadmill & DVD’s) as I kept getting interrupted w/phone calls & had an easy excuse–that I use often–to just quit & of course, I will do my full workout tomorrow or so I will tell myself (delusional? thought I was over the delusional thinking!). Yeah, how many times have I told myself that? Enough to be 50 lbs. overweight!!

Dear Sonia:

Yes, it’s your choice. But, what about what you’re doing to your kids and your spouse? Have you no concern for them?

I have had prediabetes all my life and was recently diagnosed with IBS. Also, I have other painful chronic ailments. To feel better, I had to change my diet drastically, lose weight and exercise more despite knee and back pain. I tried statins to lower my cholesterol but they poisoned my muscles. Counseling didn’t seem to help and I saw two friends with chronic illnesses give up on their lives. One became an alcoholic and the other died from diabetes. So, I was on my own. It was change my diet and exercise more or die. I got depressed and wanted to give up. Life felt too hard; I had grown bitter. Why me?

Slowly, and begrugingly, and with the encouragement of my physician, I started making changes to my diet and life. By gradually eating better and by taking long walks, I lost a lot of weight. And, I started feeling better. By changing jobs, I lowered my stress level and no longer overate to deal with anxiety. I still have a long way to go. I’ve been making new acquaintences and have started doing volunteer work to give my life more purpose. It looks like I am going to make it. Have patience with yourself. Embrace gradual change. Try new interests and activities. Find substitutes for alcohol and candy. I’ve learned to love strong unsweetened iced tea and plain pecans and pistachios for snacks. The pastas I thought I could not do without? Well, I’m doing just fine without them. Don’t beat yourself up; just keep trying and you may be surprized at what you find out about yourself.

Best to you.

I don’t think any of this is your choice at all, and I would say instead: “Let go of control, girl!”

I understand every single word you are saying, and I understand what you are feeling, Sonia. I have outlived you by 4 years.

Maybe more later, KAT

Stop trying, Sonia. Trying backfires! Don’t try to stop anything. just introduce some good things, like walking the dog, and then automatically the balance will shift and there is less room for self destructive stuff.

You are not doing any of this to hurt yourself, or destroy yourself. You are doing it to feel better, and because you have no control at all. I know what it’s like. It’s a big and long story, so don’t think I am diminishing you. You are acting from desperation and helplessness, not an attitude!

KATRIN

Ted M, I really appreciate your comment and did not mean to oppose YOU at all. Really glad you are going in the right direction. I just don’t think it’s always as simple as a matter of choice, and which does not mean that you didn’t have one. Sorry if I came across harsh. I was just feeling Sonia differently, and much like myself. KAT

Sonia, who or what really is the Elephant in the room? Did you talk about that specifically? Or was it just assumes what that is, after you realized it wasn’t about your extra few pounds.
(That was really cute, though, your first thoughts!)

The elephant in the room is my ongoing weight gain and poorly controlled diabetes. Every time my therapist brings it up I change the subject. Last time I saw her we addressed the issue directly. I am now medication compliant and the poor dog goes for several walks a week. Small steps for me though - I have addressed two major components of my life.

Three if you include getting a real job.

And your comments on control are simple but priceless. Yes, it’s all about letting go of control.

It’s not all psychological, either. I have struggled with these problems much of my life, although it is so much improved. I have insulin dependent Diabetes and have had so for some 35 years. Type 2 is in many ways even more difficult, and with both, much of the bingeing is physiological.

Your blood sugars go too high, and you spill a lot of the sugar, and then you get really hungry at night. It’s a vicious cycle. The better able you are to keep your blood sugars as normal as possible, the easier it is.
High and low blood sugars both are also mood altering. High blood sugars for me was one of my earliest addiction.

One thing that really helped me was Prozac. Kat

And if you are on a beta blocker for high BP, make sure that isn’t making you depressed because it really can as well. So do high blood sugars but you already know that. And stay away from Dietitians. They are killers.