I have a real job. I’m now a medical typist at a major Western Australian hospital. I thought I had landed the job of my dreams with high pay and good working conditions. It had a really good feel about it. Until I looked at the list of other typists I will be working with.
One of the girls who works there and is currently on annual leave till Monday is someone I worked with in a previous job three years ago. This woman and I were good friends because she has a degree in counselling and I was studying psychotherapy. We would stop after work and talk about our favourite subject, helping people, psychology and how the world works. I thought I had found a great friend with similar interests. I had no inkling of what was actually happening at the same time in a parallel universe.
One day without warning, I was called into the manager’s office. This woman had written an email to management stating I had threatened to kill her and resigned, effective immediately. She did the maximum amount of damage she could before disappearing in the ether. During the three months we worked together she was, to my face, a good friend, but behind my back she was spreading gossip and rumours. There was no way for me to predict this. There were no hints or suggestions of her two-faces. I had no idea.
I think, although I am not sure, because no-one actually told me any details, that the death threat was when I said in a laughing voice, “We work in such an enclosed space, sometimes I feel like killing you and so and so and I’m sure you feel like killing me sometimes as well.” Innocent things we have all said at one time or another. Management took this off the cuff remark very seriously and questioned me at length. I was very scared because this sort of stuff can end up in a tangle of litigation.
My therapist said she is a bully, and appeared to know that she was twisting my words around to suit her purpose at the time. The subsequent fall-out caused me much depression and I ended up engaging in some self-harm. I am now working with my therapist on strategies so I am not emotionally overwhelmed by her presence for 30 hours a week because as of this Monday when she gets back from annual leave she and I will be working ten feet from each other.
Now here’s the bit that adds a ghastly twist to the story. This woman has a brain tumour, secondary to her original cancer. When I knew her she had had breast cancer three times and a double mastectomy. Ordinarily I would have a lot of sympathy and compassion for someone in her position. Perhaps it explains her previous behaviour two years ago - or perhaps not.
I have to work with a small group of people who are friends with this woman and they have a lot of sympathy and compassion for her. I have to find a correct balance of civility, politeness and reserve in order to function effectively, do my job, get on with everyone else, not gossip or mention the past and go home at the end of the day feeling as though I handled myself with grace and dignity and not fall into the trap of self-medicating with alcohol and cigarettes.
Life truly is stranger than fiction.
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From Psych Central's :
The People Whisperer | Therapy Unplugged (August 29, 2009)
Wow, that would certainly be hard. Whatever you do, please do not go back to hurting yourself. Get extra session with your therapist or go for a walk or do whatever you need to do to distract yourself. But if you have been able to stop the self harm, do not go back. I have spent too many years doing that to myself, unable to quit and wishing I could. I wish you the best of luck in this situation and hope you can stay safe.
Hi Jillian,
It was a one-off self-harm which took me (and my therapist) by surprise. I am very aware of the potential future harm to myself now which is why I am seeing her. I am keeping myelf, safe and physically and mentally as healthy as I possibly can.
The lure to self-harm is very seductive whether it’s with alcohol, drugs, cutting with instruments or just plain over-eating.
I wish you all the best with your efforts to stop self-harming.
Sonia, that ‘is’ a story, and I am so glad you told us here. Lets make this an ongoing thread so you can tell us every day or several times a day how it’s going. You can also e-mail me privately at kreichh@comcast.net if you wish, OK?
I think it’s a good thing you won’t be alone with her. This way you have witnesses.
Also, it is possible that this woman did this to you when her brain cancer was growing, right, and she would be dead without treatment. So, it would make sense to assume that she had something like ‘gamma knife’ surgery. (radiation) With this, the brain cancer is totally and completely wiped out in the brain. (The brain is totally unique in that regard) She would now be brain sterile.
I also do believe that the reason these people working with her have empathy is a sign that this woman has not messed up and since treatment, and that you really got hit hard. I sort of trust that there is a reason they have empathy and which has nothing to do with your not having it but because she no longer acts and thinks like she did with you.
She must be under intense supervision with her history. I, for once, would believe you, and do believe you, totally, and I want you to assume that nobody will be or act against you, no matter what, and not even the crazy woman.
otherwise, I have total empathy with you, but I think you will be OK, and it will go better than you think.
Please, keep us updated.
You are in my thoughts,
KATRIN
Hi Katrin,
She wasn’t there today but she will be back on Wednesday. I am seeing my therapist on Friday. That way I will have had two days to suss out the situation and we can work on strategies together. I knew this woman three years ago. She also accused me of threatening her with a bottle. She twisted words and actions (not just mine by the way) to suit her own little evil purpose.
As my father said, she is the sacred cow of the office especially as I work in the cancer department of a huge hospital.
You have much insight when you say this woman has garnered empathy and has not messed up.
I’m feeling much supported by family and friends in this and I thank you so much for all your comments and concern. It makes me feel good.
Oh, and Sonia, I have really serious bc myself, and I’m not a bitch. Just suffering a lot from short term memory loss. The reason I am telling you is, because when you don’t have cancer, having cancer is like such a huge big deal, and you hardly know how to compare yourself with such a ’suffering soul’ ?
Well, once you get it it doesn’t feel the least bit like what you expected it to be like. it’s not such a big deal since there is absolutely nothing you can do about it, so you just deal with it.
So, don’t put her on this high horse just because she has metastatic cancer. It’s no excuse to be like her, unless it really was her tumor. on the other hand, I don’t think I would become mean with a tumor, either. like, I don’t get mean when I’m drunk. It can only bring out what’s already in you? (Now, i don’t know that for sure)
Oh, yes, and I just remembered this. I broke up with one of my best friends about six months ago, indefinitely. (Something I never, ever thought i would do, because she had sort of become family, like the really annoying great aunt, or something?)
What happened is that she had really bad pain and I really helped her out as I am in my than one was a nurse, and I do that well.
She became so psychotic from the oxicodone her doctor prescribed, and not just psychotic, but really abusive and in the same way you describe..mean, lying, that I robbed her house, and worse.
I am still trying to figure out if the abusiveness could be from her psychosis, or not, because if it’s not, than I would find it even more difficult to forgive her. What’s happening with me now is not so much that I cannot forgive her, but that I have no feelings at all for her, none, and the thought of being her friend disgusts me. (not edited)
It’s much, much worse to be going through what you are going through!!
My sister did this to me about 1 year ago-she called the police and said that I had jumped on her, kicked, punched, screamed and God knows what else. All I did was slap her because she was being verbally abusive with me, and always has been. And I was finally putting an end to it.
I had taken care of my sick father, all alone, with no help from ANY family member and I was ill with adrenal fatigue and severe depression, and having bad side effects from SSRIs and this is how I was paid. By having her lie about me.
Now I have to explain everytime someone wants a police check. It is your worst, most disabling nightmare to be so viciously lied about.
She never apologized and never corrected the lie.
I suffer from PTSD still, although it gets better with time and many times I just want to die because the pain is so great.
Having a brain tumour will cause disturbances in the brain, aggression, meanness and lying, Manipulating may also be part of this scenario. Her employers should know that it is part of her medical condition and you should go and find another job, or this situation will eat you up.
She could also be a narcissist or a bipolar, or both and manipulating and lying are also ways to get what they want.
Distance is the best. They will never accept that they are wrong, only in old age.
Any news?
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