Aristotle said: Anybody can become angry, that is easy; but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way, that is not within everybody’s power; that is not easy.

When I entered therapy thirteen years ago, I was very angry; only I didn’t know it. I thought everyone else was the problem. My limbic system was out of kilter and went Chernobyl if I was crossed in any way; be it by my family, my mother, my co-workers, the vacuum cleaner, the dish-washer or the video machine, I would have a well-deserved brain snap. I could literally feel the poisonous, toxic hormones exploding, flooding and melting down my brain in a mushroom cloud of fear, loathing and impending catastrophe.

The amygdala is the emotional epicenter of the limbic system of your brain. When out of control, it controls you. It hijacks the way you react to stressful situations and unless your executive working centre, otherwise known as the neo-cortex can intercept, slowing it down and creating a calming, mindfulness situation, your life can end up one disaster after another.

It would appear, according to neuroscience literature and research studies that unresolved stress can, given time, create an over-active limbic system. Instant anger reaction was not under my voluntary control for a long time. It took many years and a gentle, wise, serene, cool and collected therapist whom I eventually role-modeled and internalized. She taught me to live in the moment, sitting on my hands, breathing evenly, counting to ten; all the while knowing my brain was being overwhelmed with toxic substances threatening to annihilate me. She showed me by personal example that the end result of being able to let go of anger would lead to health and healing.

I learned to release that rage through visualization, meditation, reflection and the attitude and wisdom of this too will pass. I had to push through the seething curtain of potential violence and think clearly: Ah, this anger I feel, what does it mean to me? Is it really a life or death situation if my children don’t clean their teeth properly; If the dog widdles on the carpet? Or if my husband dares to disagree with me?

When the vacuum cleaner won’t pick up the dust and grot off the carpet other people either pick it up by hand or change the angle of the head for better suction and generally don’t take it as a personal insult from a punishing Universe. If the rake breaks when I’m sweeping leaves, why do I think it is God’s personal message that I am a useless soul or was it instead just because I pressed too hard on the pole where there was a pre-existing split in the wood? When rigid, obsessive behaviour isn’t working why do I persevere, pushing harder in the same way, rather than think outside the square? Is this all part of my fixed, black and white, all or nothing personality where I have to be right because I can’t be wrong? Because the Universe would implode in on itself if I had to admit I made a mistake?

Calming the raging excesses of my over-sensitive amygdala from a broiling ocean to a gentle stream took an academic, emotional and social understanding of the chemical reaction that happens when this less than perfect world impinges and penetrates intimately on my always perfect expectations. I learned in therapy that there are alternative feelings to anger that are socially acceptable; frustration, impatience, disappointment, sadness, irritability et al. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy books were not deep or dark enough for me and so I delved into neuroscience and the positive effects of psychotherapy on the brain.

Psychotherapy feels like non-invasive brain surgery. When you really want to change your behaviour – it works – by changing the neuronal structure of your brain, not just by plugging up the chemicals and hoping they won’t erupt, but by releasing a little bit of healthy, respectful stress or indignation instead, which can be rather useful, creative and self-serving.

I’ve met a few therapists who I didn’t click with but I’ve never met an angry therapist, especially one who does a lot of personal development, who practices what they preach and who lives in harmony with flawed human beings, incontinent dogs, idiosyncratic video machines, mildly defective white-goods and annoying co-workers in a less than perfect world. These people still have reason to get angry, and they do get angry: but with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the correct manner.

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Juliet Austin (July 26, 2009)

From Psych Central's website:
PsychCentral (July 26, 2009)

Bo (February 19, 2010)

    Last reviewed: 25 Jul 2009