Having a car accident or getting mugged and having your handbag stolen is a devastating experience. But sometimes, it’s not just the event, the inconvenience or even the injuries or violence involved that causes overwhelming problems, it’s the personal stuff these incidents can bring up that can surprise and devastate even the most stoic of us.

Although hardly in the same category as a victim of crime or a serious vehicle prang, getting a very low (but still a pass) University mark for an assignment was just as catastrophic for me and brought up many hidden issues and past failings that were brimming under the surface. Low enough for me not to be aware of consciously, but high enough to come quickly to the forefront when something really upset me.

It’s not just a low mark I got, it was something that tapped into every failure in my entire life; my past relationships, weight gain, lack of career choices, jobs that didn’t work out and my shoddy parenting skills. Of course, I was a complete failure and going to fail my degree and never succeed in anything ever again. Most people when failing at something get up, dust themselves off and go about succeeding in something else. I believe what I do is called catastrophizing.

Other people would ring their tutor and get feedback, but for an obsessive/compulsive perfectionist control freak who suffers from on again/off again depression and anxiety, the obvious answer is to call either a suicide hotline or your therapist. And that’s neither an exaggeration nor a bad thing. A good cry, some advice and a sympathetic shoulder can work wonders.

I’m learning rapidly though. I only got my assignment result two hours ago and although I’ve run the gauntlet of many conflicting emotions, I’m now ok. I am not my University mark.

I know this is small potatoes compared to world peace and ending hunger. I know other people have bigger problems than I will ever have. I also know that I am studying to get into the therapy industry but unless the life I save is my own I cannot even think about helping other people save their lives.

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Prof.Lakshman (June 8, 2009)

From Psych Central's website:
PsychCentral (June 8, 2009)

    Last reviewed: 7 Jun 2009