I have three children and while I love them all equally sometimes it’s difficult to give them equal attention. So when my middle child, the oldest son came to me and complained I spent more time with his younger brother, I realised it was time to do something about it.

And the something that I did was to take him and the dog for a half-hour walk when I really would have preferred to stay home, open a bottle of wine and watch the evening news.

My son is past the grunting stage and just wants to connect and communicate (he’s 15). He also appears to have an urgent need for confession in a private arena with a non-judgemental understanding parent. My role, as I see it, is to simply listen. His sins were a few years ago and he has moved on since.

I often take my kids out on “dates”. I took my daughter out to breakfast recently and listened to her sort out all her friends’ problems. I sat back, enjoyed my coffee and nodded and ummed in the right places with my therapist face well and truly in place. Chill out time with kids is very important.

I chill out in the car in front of my therapist’s office. I talk to her in the car along the freeway driving there. I talk to her while I’m parked up the street, so when I get into her office I feel like I’ve already been there for a while. Because sometimes an hour is not enough time to relax, gather those scattered thoughts, get engaged in the deep and meaningful and connect in an intimate synchronous manner. It hasn’t always been that way.

Walking the dog and connecting with my family is most important to me. By the time I got back from that walk, my son and I were in a happy place and the need to open a bottle of wine had disappeared.

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    Last reviewed: 14 May 2009