Depression knows my address very well. It has visited many times over the past fourteen years. Even when the door is closed and locked it manages to furtively sneak in through the keyhole and wrap its misty tendrils around my brain and my body. But that is where it ends. I have processes in place that allow it to penetrate no further. So while it’s hovering around me like fog on a cold day, the sunshine of past therapy eventually dissipates it into nothingness. It might take twenty-four hours to do this though. Sleeping on it works for me.

When a friend blanked me out several times recently I was very hurt. I could feel those familiar misty emotions welling up inside along with tears in my eyes. Considering my last interaction with her was to offer some help with a mutual assignment along with the promise of a delicious lunch, I still felt I had somehow offended her. My thirteen year old son gave me some wise advice to remember. “She’s a PMT bitch!” he said. My husband said something similar.

I tend to analyze the situation and think what could I have done differently? What role did I play in her blanking me out? What was she feeling at the time? Perhaps she’d had a row with her husband? Not once did I think maybe she’s at fault here and I have done nothing wrong. I took it on board as being all about me. That is when I used to get so depressed I was consumed with guilt, anxiety and suicide ideation over my perceived lack of social skills.

Not any more! I felt the ancient feelings that sat heavily in my body and recognised them as sadness, loss and grief because I thought we were friends. That took several hours. Then my family came home from school and work and gave me their honest, non-analytical opinion. This was followed by my monthly book-club meeting upon which it was my turn to host, so food and wine preparations had to be made. I did this all with a sinking heart.

But by the time the book-club meeting was over – so was my depression. I don’t know why she blanked me out but it’s no longer my problem. It’s hers. I’ve often told others who are upset that people are not always logical and rational, that it’s ok to feel hurt and it’s also ok to give people a second, even a third chance. But above all look after yourself first.

There was a time that being blanked by someone was enough to send me back into therapy, but after thirteen years I have found the resilience to fend off those “slings and arrows of outrageous fortune” and for that my therapist would be very proud of me.

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Prof.Lakshman (May 22, 2009)

    Last reviewed: 21 May 2009