Archives for Communication

Communication

The One Person You Should NEVER Say You’re Sorry To

 C.R. writes:
"Sometimes, on rare occasions, apologizing is the worst thing you can do. It allows a person who is in the wrong to feel superior. It feeds their narcissism."
This doesn't really tally with what I believe—that saying you're sorry, asking for forgiveness, and making peace are literally requirements for mature and moral folks; that even if you're not really in the wrong it's best to swallow your pride and make peace—but something resonated here at a deep level.
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Communication

Activate These 5 Fundamentals For Conscious Change


Conscious Change

These are three examples of conscious change:
A golfer who works consistently on her swing despite not having a natural ability, may find herself able to hold her own in a tournament.
A college student who enters medical school may have no idea how to treat heart disease, but after studying hard in med school and working at his internship, he may be performing open-heart surgery on a regular basis.
A person with an explosive temper can go to an anger management class and learn techniques that help him relax and manage uncomfortable feelings in more productive ways.
Do You REALLY Believe You Can Change?

If people couldn't change, there would be no point to therapy, coaching or personal
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Communication

The Therapist That Didn’t Show Up For His Sessions

Recently we advised a young woman in her twenties to seek another therapist. We didn't make the suggestion on a whim, this was after consulting with her three times in six months.

Here's why.

Last summer, a friend of a friend (we'll call her Ann), called to ask us for advice regarding her therapist. She and her husband had been seeing him individually, and together in couple's counseling, spending nearly $2000 a month out of pocket. They had been seeing him for just under a year and felt they had seen little to no improvement. Because finances were very tight, they had been cutting back on everything, even basics, like groceries, to pay his fee.

After asking her about what went on in therapy this is what we learned:
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Addiction

Should Your Therapist Poke His/Her Nose Into Your Personal Business?

Good therapists are the ones who have the specialized knowledge to actually give you the key to your own transformation. They also have the sensitivity, training, and ability to work within the parameters of your belief system; not aggressively challenging, nor blindly accepting your conditional outlook, but gently helping you deepen your understanding of your life and your life’s purpose. They help you resolve to improve.

From Therapy Revolution: Find Help, Get Better and Move On Without Wasting Time or Money

Should your therapist "butt in" to your personal life?

Anyone who has ever been in therapy finds this question at once both ludicrous and apt.

How personal should therapy actually be?

There is no easy answer that holds true for everyone. If you are in therapy to work on a certain issue, such as anger, for example, you might be content to gain more awareness of your anger as it occurs in the present, and learn thought-based and behavioral changes to manage it.

Or you might yearn to find the deeper roots of your anger, how it might be related to your deepest fears, and spend a year or more analyzing every nuance of your anger-fear feelings.
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Communication

The Silent Treatment And What You Can Do To Stop It Cold

One of the more frustrating passive-aggressive tactics to those on the receiving end is "the silent treatment".

The silent treatment is an abusive method of control, punishment, avoidance, or disempowerment (sometimes these four types overlap, sometimes not) that is a favorite tactic of narcissists, and especially those who have a hard time with impulse control, that is, those with more infantile tendencies.

The silent treatment can be used as an abusive tactic that is the adult narcissist's version of a child's  "holding my breath until you give in and give me what I want."

It is one of the most frustrating tactics
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Children

The Parent-Child Dance: Understanding (And Improving) Your Child’s Problem Behavior

I’m really excited to tell you about The Parent-Child Dance: A Guide to Help You Understand and Shape Your Child’s Behavior, because I know that the author is making a difference in the lives of so many parents and kids. The Parent-Child Dance is written by award-winning pediatric behavioral specialist, Miriam Manela, OTR/L, with the help of me, C.R. Zwolinski from Therapy Soup.

For over a decade, Miriam Manela has been working with children and parents, educators, and therapists, addressing behavioral, emotional, social, learning, physical and other challenges.  During her workshops for professionals, students and educators, Miriam helps the participants understand how to help children regulate themselves and become better able to manage their emotions, connect with others, and learn. She also works closely with pediatric professionals in a variety of professions including mental health therapy professionals, nutritionists, and others.

Richard and I asked Miriam to explain why she wrote The Parent-Child Dance.

Welcome to PsychCentral and Therapy Soup, Miriam. Why did you decide to write the Parent-Child Dance?

Thanks!

I had a client, one of many who had impulsive behavior, a boy I’ll call Terry. Terry would take his brothers’ and sisters’ homework, and crumple it up and rip it, he’d hurt a child on the playground, or he’d a chew his collars and sleeves and rip holes in his clothes. But though he had a hard time controlling his impulses. Terry always regretted his actions later.

He also had a hard time sitting still, especially in the classroom. Both his mom and dad were at their wits’ end. It felt to Terry’s father that he was talking to a wall.
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