The Second Key To Starting Over
Read about the first psycho-spiritual key to starting over, forgetting, here.
The second key is almost, but not quite, the opposite of forgetting: remembering
It seems counter-intuitive, but remembering sometimes comes after forgetting in the therapy process. Without preparation, remembering a traumatic or painful event might be overpowering. Sickening. Debilitating even.
However, when you prepare and feel strong enough to move forward; when you are able to cope with and bring new understanding to past events, starting over becomes possible.
Remembering, acknowledging and discussing what happened then exploring how you felt at the time, is a type of active remembering that is helpful to the healing process.
Trauma is serious. It should never be minimized.
If you were a victim of trauma, remember: You are not the same person today you were then. You’ve changed, and you have even more change ahead.
Sometimes it might feel that you are frozen forever in a before and after picture, but life is fluid, not a still-shot. Those icebergs can and will melt, with time and inner work.
Take small peeks at the past, along with a supportive therapist or mentor, in small bits that are right for you. Go slow. Don’t do too much, too soon.
You can start over even without remembering and reviewing everything. There are no hard and fast rules, just tools.
Hurt Self Or Others?
If you did something harmful, caused another (or yourself) pain, you’ve undergone a trauma too. You’ve moved a step back from your forward-facing potential. But you’re not frozen in time either. In fact, if you choose, you can use that step back (the one you took when you were angry, hurt, filled with the darkest rage), as the prelude to a running jump.
Allow that same power you had then to become the fuel to build with, not destroy.
With serious harm in your past, no matter what happened, it’s important to remember that you must first have the coping skills in place to identify and review what happened. These coping skills will help you start over, too.
& C.R. Zwolinski, R. (2013). The Second Key To Starting Over. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 5, 2015, from http://blogs.psychcentral.com/therapy-soup/2013/08/the-second-key-to-starting-over/