With the economy floundering (or in a gasping death-spiral, depending on who you ask), now is the time to get to the root of some of the money issues in your life that are actually within your control. Enter Dr. Sally Palaian whose book Spent: Break the Buying Obsession and Discover Your True Worth speaks to many of us who have a dysfunctional relationship with money.
Can you tell us a little bit about your reason for writing your book?
I come from a financially dysfunctional family and my relationship with money has had many twists and turns along the way in life. I was forced to learn about what money is and isn’t, what it can and can’t accomplish. Becoming conscious about money helped me discover more of who I am. My friends noticed my changes and challenged me to teach and help others to learn money skills. I didn’t set out to write about money, but I realized that many people need help with their finances and can’t always pay professionals to help them. Writing a book was the perfect solution.
Is obsessive spending really an addiction? Why (or why not)?
The word, addiction, in the purest sense is a biological dependence on something and we don’t have the research yet to demonstrate that shopping or spending is actually physiologically addictive. Obsessive spending is a “process” addiction; an addiction to a behavior. Some people’s spending patterns show the classic signs of addiction – it grows worse over time, people report that they can’t stop and as an individual’s life becomes more and more consumed by the behavior, they feel agitated if they stop doing it.
In our society, we’ve made light of the retail therapy, he-who-dies-with-the-most-toys-wins idea, but a true spending addict hurts many people because they deplete the financial resources for the entire family. In my book, I outline how you can tell if you are a normal spender, a problem spender, or have a full blown addiction.
What are the similarities between money-addictions and other addictions?
Money addictions follow the same predictable trajectory as every other addiction – they tend to get worse over time – and a person can’t keep the promises they make to themselves to stop. Addicts and problem users tend to lie about and conceal the behavior. Sometimes they can’t see the problem for what it is or tend to minimize the negative consequences of the behavior. They may be in denial and have a difficult time facing it because they feel so much shame about it. Money addicts have cravings just like other addictions.
Because food and money are both necessary for survival, recovery from these two addictions is different from other addictions. In order to heal and recover, a person needs to learn balance. So, from the first day of recovery, the money addict makes many decisions about spending. With alcohol and drugs, you can abstain completely for the rest of your life and still survive. Sex is in the middle ground — it’s necessary for the survival of the species, but not for individuals, so a sex addict can abstain for a few months until they find a balance point for themselves. Food & money demand consciousness from the first day.
Part 2 Coming Soon
Sally Palaian, PhD, is a clinical psychologist and author of Spent: Break the Buying Obsession and Discover Your True Worth. She lives and works in Michigan. Learn more about her practice and areas of expertise at www.SallyPalaian.com.
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Gambling addiction, also a behavioral addiction has been shown to show brain changes in gamblers, especially the dopamine system.
All addictions are so hard to break, and I agree with the fact that balance in life truly can help.
Gambling addiction is probably the worst of them all.
- (October 5, 2011)
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