In the first part of Therapy-Gone-Wrong we introduce Angelica, one of the patients we interviewed for our book. Now we hear from Angelica in her own words:

Dear Richard,

Congratulations on another book of the month award. I was really happy to see it especially because everything I went through and how the advice you gave really helped me. I know how much just telling my story really helped me and seeing it in print has somehow lifted a weight off my shoulders. I’m famous! Only anonymously.

Reading your blog and the other blogs on PsychCentral also really helps. It is good to know that this community is here. I really like Kelly McAleer’s blog too and some others. And because I got married (big surprise) I like reading Lisa Kift. Her web site is great.

I need all the help I can get trying to figure things out in relationship issues. I didn’t have the greatest role models. I didn’t have any role models! Luckily my husband is very supportive and he has been through a hard time himself. Instead of making him jerky though it had the opposite effect on him. He’s had no therapy but he’s turned out pretty good. At least I think so. He’s been married before to someone like me who had an abusive childhood but it didn’t work out. She was abusive to him! So both of us are pretty battered emotionally and I think somehow this gives us compassion for each other. It could have destroyed us but like they say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. So though we didn’t have any role models for marriage or relationships we’re doing okay. We read all the time about relationships.

I really took your advice about keeping my ID confidential when I go online. It was a smart move I think. You hear really bad stories in the news.

Anyhow after I left Leslie I gave therapy a break for a long while since I was so hurt and angry and confused by the entire experience. I thought I would never find another therapist again. I know that this isn’t the normal experience but I just couldn’t get over it. I spent tons of time crying over it. It really brought me down. You listed six red flag violations in the book but it felt like a million red flag violations. It took me a long time to get over what happened.

What you told me about people who have been traumatized having “bruised instincts” and damaged feelings was so right. I think this is something the people reading this should know. I am going to paraphrase you though.

Pay attention people. If you have been traumatized or abused or you have emotional problems your instincts tend to be slightly screwed up. You keep reaching for things you are already comfortable with and the things you are comfortable with are usually really harmful to you. You are like an addict in a way. Bad relationship addict or stupid choice addict or victim addict etc.

I think Leslie was a stupid choice for me. I felt really comfortable with her and even now I remember things that should have set the alarm bells ringing in our very first meeting. I didn’t remember them when we did the interview.

Anyhow I want to say you have to get in touch with your feelings on a deeper level and maybe even start from scratch developing your instincts. I am learning how to do what you said which is tell the difference between harmful instincts which feel comfortable to me from helpful instincts which usually don’t feel so comfortable to me at first. I was so used to attracting trouble because I made so many choices based on these damaged feelings.

Another thing happened. I decided I didn’t want to be a psychologist! I want to help people still but I think my urge to study psychology was more about solving my own problems. I am not sure what I want to do but I’m thinking about writing a book about my life. Me and everyone else!

I want to say that for me therapy didn’t work but I am not ruling it out in the future. I can see how someday I might try it again. I also want to tell people that if anyone disrespects you or tries to manipulate you especially if they are in some kind of position of authority over you the best thing you can do is speak to someone else about it and get their take on the situation. Sometimes it takes talking things out with a friend instead of a professional.

“Angelica”

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    Last reviewed: 15 May 2010