Noah St. John
Rarely do opposing viewpoints divide people so dramatically, or influence people’s lives in so many areas than the two main opposing outlooks on the subject of victimhood. The question of one’s status as victim—specifically as it pertains to emotional problems and psychotherapy—is something we write about in Therapy Revolution. On the one hand some people might need to affirm that they were at one point innocent victims in order to get rid of crippling shame/blame/guilt. On the other, some may have to give up their status as victims, in order to learn to take responsibility for their thoughts, speech, and actions.
This divide also plays out culturally, and can profoundly impact our views on society, and the role of government. For those who hold that we are totally responsible for our conditions in life, whatever they might be (except perhaps in specific circumstances such as the occurrence of natural disaster or genetic disabilities or illnesses), then when we aren’t successful, well, it’s simply our own fault. For those who never met a weakness or failure that they couldn’t pathologize or otherwise explain away (think Tiger Woods), those they choose to align with are permanent victims of those they don’t.
Remember The Pursuit of Happyness, the movie starring Will Smith? It was based on the true life story of Chris Gardner, a man who never gave up on in his quest for success as he dragged himself and his son out utter poverty. If we for the moment overlook the film’s definition of success (wealth, career success, and more wealth), we can concede that there is something very appealing about this story. It is an utter rejection of the idea of victimhood.
Author and success guru Noah St. John can relate. He believes that success—again, as defined by wealth—can be achieved if the right techniques are applied. He graciously shares his ideas:
Therapy Soup (TS): Can you sum up your philosophy of/thoughts on victimhood?
Noah St. John (NSJ): We live in a victim-based society. Americans are actually encouraged to blame other people for their behavior and results (or lack thereof). I have interviewed scores of multi-millionaires, each of whom could have given up dozens of times in their careers. Not one of them has a victim mentality. Rather, they believe that they are masters of their destiny—and even though they may be down, they are never out.
TS: How did you arrive at this viewpoint? What is your personal story?
NSJ: I grew up poor in a wealthy neighborhood. I always wondered why other kids had nice clothes and cars, while we often had to eat macaroni and cheese for weeks because that’s all we could afford. So I started studying the keys to success from a very young age because I was deeply unsatisfied with my life. After working as a secretary, waiter, retail salesman, even housekeeper, I finally discovered what was missing in all the “traditional” success books I’d been studying. I realized that we don’t need any more “how-to’s” of success; what we need is to give ourselves Permission to Succeed. That became the title of my first book, published by the Chicken Soup for the Soul publishers in 1999, and I’ve subsequently written five more books on the subject of how to dump your head trash and create the life of your dreams.
TS: In your experience, can people who unjustly perceive themselves as victims (we aren’t talking about people who are victims of disaster, trauma, etc.) and blame others really change their outlook?
NSJ: Absolutely! I know this from personal experience because I was one of those who believed I was a “victim” of circumstances. “My parents were poor, they didn’t teach me about money, I didn’t get the breaks other people do” were things I really believed. But the more I studied people who I call The Naturals of Success, the more I realized that those negative thoughts are simply beliefs held in my head that I have the power to change.
TS: How do you recommend they do that?
NSJ: I invented a method called “Af-FORM-mations” that uses the questioning power of your mind to change your subconscious thought patterns from negative to positive. Every traditional success teacher told us to use “affirmations”, which are statements of something you’d like to be true. A classic “affirmation” is “I am rich”—to which your brain replies, “Yeah, right!” One morning in April 1997, I was in the shower thinking about why “affirmations” really don’t work, and realized that human thought is the process of asking and searching for the answers to questions. So I thought, “Why are we going around saying statements we don’t even believe, when the human mind operates using questions?”
That’s how I invented “affirmations”. An example of an af-FORM-mation is, “Why am I so rich?” When you ask, “Why am I so rich?” your mind automatically focuses on what you have instead of what you lack. Simply by changing the questions you ask, you immediately change your focus, which changes your behavior, which changes your results, which changes your LIFE.
TS: You know, there is the classic moral dilemma about the boy who cries wolf. Legitimate victims don’t get what they need if “everyone is a victim,” and if an individual is always declaring himself to be a victim, then people cannot distinguish when they really are a victim
NSJ: We live in a victim-based society, and that is not going to change any time soon. Therefore, I teach my clients that by simply not being a victim, you will automatically stand out as more valuable to other people. The single element that causes people to become wealthy and happy is value. The more value you bring to other people, the more money you will make and the happier you will be. The irony is that most people are looking for others to give to them first, and that very belief is the thing that’s stopping them from being successful. Focus instead on the value you bring to others, and watch your wealth and peace of mind increase naturally.
TS: Thank you, Noah, for your insights.
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Though I’m not that familiar with using affirmations to forge career or financial success, it has been my experience that positive affirmations actually do work very well, especially for patients/clients facing low self-esteem, low self-concept and/or low self-image issues. In their struggle for recovery in both mental health and addiction, positive affirmations, when used thoughtfully and regularly (in tandem with psychotherapy and/or twelve-step programs), really do help. However, I think Noah St. John’s novel spin on the affirmation—the af-FORM-mation—could actually prompt even deeper changes as his method makes use of open-ended questions, something I recommend when in-depth information, and consequently in-depth understanding, is sought.
As for what constitutes success and what makes for happiness, perhaps we define it differently, in large part due to our spiritual beliefs and the strength of the prescriptive teachings of the Jewish faith. We won’t argue that poverty holds many, if any, charms. However, we define a successful life, at least in part, as one spent doing good deeds, acts of kindness and generosity (with a good dose of humility thrown in). Having material things, while certainly appealing, isn’t the only definition of success. In fact, a life filled with unrelenting struggle can be considered a great success.
For example, President Abraham Lincoln, who experts say suffered from what we call today bi-polar disorder, was instrumental in ending slavery. Less well-known are the owners of a mom-and-pop grocery store down the street from us who probably give more to charity than many millionaires, though they live very simply themselves, and who regularly volunteer their time for many important causes.
Finally, we have thought long and hard and had many discussions about the “victim identity.” There is a kind of chronic victimhood that appears in those with histrionic personality disorder (though now the DSM-V states there is no longer such a personality disorder). In psychological, socio-cultural, and even political terms we personally choose to take victim status on a case-by-case basis. We don’t attribute all of a person’s success to his own efforts—the blessings of God given talents and opportunities certainly are a factor—and compassion demands that we also always don’t attribute a lack of success to a personal failure alone.
For us the crucial point of this discussion is: How do we best help those who need help? Noah St. John certainly has a creative approach that has helped thousands.
About Noah St. John:
NOAH ST. JOHN, Ph.D., is Founder and CEO of SuccessClinic.com, an international success training company. He is the author of six books, including The Secret Code of Success (HarperCollins), Permission to Succeed® and The Book of Af-FORM-mations®, which have been translated into more than seven languages. Noah has appeared in over 1,000 media outlets including CNN, ABC, NBC, CBS, Fox, PARADE, Woman’s Day, Los Angeles Business Journal, The Washington Post, and Selling Power. For a free book excerpt, visit http://SecretCodeBook.com.
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Free success coaching | URSuccess.net - The Success Blog (March 10, 2010)
I think affirmations might help if someone really believes they are giving them control of their life, even if this is scientifially questionable it is getting them out of the helpless victim mindset, which is (at least) half the battle.
The scariest thing I’ve read about victomhood is that defining oneself as a victim is claiming the right to victimise others (I don’t recall the author, someone in conflict resolution).
So they’re likely to get retaliation for their vitimising, bullying, behavior which is likely to make them feel like victims even more, like quicksand, the more you struggle/fight the worse it gets.
The first step toward resolving victimhood is accepting that you were a victim. The second step is learning that you are not defined by what happend to you or what was done to you, but how you grow stronger and wiser in spite of the harm done to you. Was Joseph sold as a slave by his brothers? Yes. Was he a victim? Yes. What did he do about it? He turned the world around and eventually saved his brothers’ lives.
Well said, Go West. Thanks.
Last reviewed: 9 Mar 2010
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