Steven with White Tiger

Richard Zwolinski (RZ): Hi, Steven. Can you start by telling us a bit about your background?

Steven Diamond (SD): I was born on October 1, 1968 into a very dysfunctional American family in Portsmouth Virginia, though I didn’t know it at the time. It wouldn’t be until decades later that the true depth of the scars left on my life would be revealed.

All of the males on my mother’s side of the family were abusive, raging alcoholics, and I hardly knew my father’s side. My mother was consumed by mental illness and sought refuge in her Southern Baptist religion, where she would learn to hide.

My father was a very stable man, a simple truck mechanic who ran his own successful business; however, he was a workaholic and rarely ever home. I have two older sisters, the youngest of whom is nearly 10 years older than me. They had their own lives to lead and by the time I really remember anything, they were almost out of the house. That left me to figure things out for myself.

I was a curious kid. Lonely as it was, I was very happy when I wasn’t being beaten by my mother. Her mood swings would come from nowhere and I was usually the closest object at hand. At such a young age, the only conclusion I could muster was how horrible of a son I must be. Everything was my fault. I was the cause of this or that and the daily mantra in my house was that “You should have never been born.” Words that give me chills to this very day.

RZ: That must have been extremely painful—something very hard to come to terms with. It is fascinating that you became a successful magician—what a way to create a different life for yourself! Can you tell us how you got interested in magic and what appealed to you about it?

SD: I was 7 years old when my father took me to Bush Gardens in Williamsburg, Virginia for the first time. I’ll never forget the moment I first entered the park and saw “The Globe Theater,” which is still there today. It was there I witnessed my very first magic show. It was a day that changed my life forever.

The wonders I saw were amazing—as if a comic book had come to life. The magician was in total control of a world that seemed to be of his own creation. Girls would fly across the stage as light as feathers. One of them was even divided into several pieces only to be made whole once again. In the blink of an eye, it was over and I wanted more. I could have stayed there and watched what, to me was a dream come true, for hours on end.

As we exited the theater my father leaned over and asked me “So what did you think?” to which I replied “Daddy, I want to be a magician.”

Now, had my father been any other man in this world, that might have been the end of the discussion. However, in a moment that would change the course of my life, I clearly remember my father looking me right in the eyes and telling me, “Steven, you can be anything you want to be in this world, even a magician.”

Time seemed to stop as I pondered the wonderful adventures that would lie ahead. I never looked back. It made perfect sense, much to the dismay of my mother, that I would become a magician—someone who create anything and control the world around him with the snap of a finger.

Boy, was I ever wrong. A lesson in blind faith was just around the corner. The innocent notion of being a magician would soon become my very first obsession. A place for me to hide, not unlike my mother’s religion. The cycle was about to repeat itself in the next generation; in me.

RZ: Steven, this is fascinating—your comparison’s to your mother’s use of religion to your use of magic. Now, I know you’ve been in therapy. When did you decide to seek the help of a therapist, and why?

SD: About 30 years later I had visited more than 40 countries and over 10,000 live performances around the globe in front of millions … as a magician! I had toured more than enough miles to travel to the moon and back.

On stage, night after night I was in complete control of every detail. The “Art of Illusion” is more than mere magic tricks. You need to be an expert in every aspect of your craft. You must master the classic theatrical arts such as stage lighting, wardrobe, choreography, and set design.

However as an illusionist, there’s more. You must hone your craft to the very depths of perfection. Every detail is a devil that can lead to certain disaster in front of thousands if not thought through, rehearsed endlessly, and eventually mastered.

RZ: From what I’ve read, that’s not exaggeration. With a magic trick, one false move, and the illusion is shattered.

SD: You see the real secret of a great magician lies in the depth of his obsession over the illusions he presents.

People are smart. If you want to create in your audience that sense of wonder I first witnessed as a child it means a life of great sacrifice, over a life time in search of the greatest illusion of all…perfection. Time and time again, like an addict to his drug I would find myself drawn to being on stage again.

But in December of 2001, I was on tour with “The Osmond Brothers,” and everything changed. We were just about to close for the season when my body collapsed without a warning. In the blink of an eye I found myself on the stage floor not sure of what had just taken place. I felt like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. One thing was very clear. I wasn’t in control anymore. Unable to move, I remember feeling as if I was paralyzed. As if I had an elephant sitting on my chest. Unable to breathe, I was rushed to the hospital only to be told after a battery of tests that it was “all in your head.” The doctors couldn’t find anything wrong.

I was exhausted beyond words. Dehydrated and hardly able to walk. I was sent back to my hotel, dazed and confused. After resting for a day, I was taken to Merrill Osmond’s personal doctor. I just sat there, staring into space, unable to think. As if someone had finally found the off switch in my brain.

Then, I was prescribed 40 milligrams of Paxil. A tiny pill. I had never taken a pill in my life, but I took this one because I was sure that I wasn’t going to live. I had decided that this was it. It was time to die. I had done it all. I had traveled the world. Hung under a helicopter strapped in a straight jacket from a burning rope by my feet. I performed with real 500-pound lions and tigers. I had lived in South America and been a television star. Now I believed that my time was up.

–

You can get Steven’s book, OCD: A Life Among Secrets here, and check out his web site, www.stopstressingnow.com.

Comments

This post currently has 5 comments/trackbacks.
You can read the comments or leave your own thoughts.

Trackbacks

From Magic to Mayhem and Beyond with Steven Diamond: Part 1 | StopStressingNow.com (March 16, 2010)

Psych Central Newsletter for March 17, 2010 | Pedio (March 17, 2010)

From Psych Central's website:
From Magic to Mayhem and Beyond with Steven Diamond: Part 2 | Therapy Soup (March 18, 2010)

    Last reviewed: 16 Mar 2010