Archives for Self-care

Beginnings

The Valentine’s Vine: Growing Love in Empty Hearts

My grandmother is a sly sage (as so many of our grandmothers seem to be). On our most recent wander through her backyard, when I casually commented on her magnolia tree, she paused and replied, “Yes, we have a lot to learn from the garden…” And so we do. It’s been a pretty bleak time for me over the last couple of years. (Which is why I took a break from blogging). Lots of changes driven by heartache and pain. As sometimes seems to happen in life… The walls of my internal garden during that time have housed next to nought, as necessity overshadowed nourishment, and everything ended up neglected and parched. And though I kept ‘ploughing-on’ through the days, somehow I forgot to plant new seeds… So the field’s been kind of empty for a while. Do you know that feeling? Perhaps only too well. So many of us do, at some time or other. And as Valentine’s Day approaches, this kind of stuff just seems to get harder, harsher, the contrast highlighted by all the ‘lurve’ and flowers in the air. It seems easier just not to look; at the hype; at the self. And then, walking up my back steps the other day, I saw it anyway. A vine untangling and growing beneath my very house. Right there, in the dark and the dust. Neglected, not watered, but flourishing anyway. A vine of verdant hearts. (That’s it in the photo above). Yes, we have a lot to learn from the garden…
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Emotions

Surviving Post-Mother’s-Day Blues

Are you over Mother’s Day yet? And by that I mean, have you recovered from it? Healed again? Found your balance after the stormy emotions it might have rained down on you? Because for many people this single day in the calendar echoes painfully in their hearts for much, much longer – sometimes days, sometimes weeks. It can unleash all kinds of sadness and despair. Why? There are many reasons… Maybe you don’t even know if you’re ‘allowed’ to call yourself a mother just yet.
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Existential Issues

Living Mindfulness And Seeing The Little Things In Life

All around you, they're growing, like tiny blades of grass, if only you'll stoop down to see them. Little moments of living mindfulness. So come down for a moment, down from the seemingly lofty heights of ambition and theoretical knowledge and social matters. Drop out of the school of thought that teaches you there's only one right way to be. Drop down to earth (perhaps literally). Down to just yourself as a living being right here with other moments of aliveness running through you. And, wherever you are, just be...
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Existential Issues

How To Rest And Recharge: Bringing Balance To Your Life And Work

  When was the last time you rested? Truly just put aside some time – a minute or an hour – to do whatever it is that recharges you. And what is that for you anyway? What does rest look like - for you? Is it kicking back and taking the phone off the hook and just breathing in the sun? Or do you rest best while you’re mindfully engaged in some activity - like maybe gardening or cooking or drawing or something else - where your mind can get involved just enough in the minute-by-minute process that it can let go of holding onto everything else? Rest seems underrated sometimes. Misconstrued. Painted in the colours of lazy or unambitious. And then compared to the razzle dazzle ‘importance’ that busyness likes to decorate itself in. But maybe rest is at least as important as busyness…
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Change

The Story Of The Sky Within You

  It's an old story. Old as the hills. And yet new every time it tells itself again. Have you heard it told to you lately? The clouds have gathered, thick and dark, on your skies. They're banked up and rolling heavy to your horizon. Maybe the rains have already started, pouring their grief over everything you know and soaking it all through with shadows. And then maybe the wind starts up. The lightning. It seems everything is going wrong at once. It's hard to imagine ever riding out this storm. And yet, if the story has its way, there will come a moment. A moment you might not notice at first. A moment that can start out smaller than small. But it's enough. Enough to invite a shift - an infinitessimal shift - that's almost no shift at all. Except that it is. So something tiny changes. And somehow that awakens the next little change. Until, gradually, all these fragile moments come together - like countless particles of light converging - almost invisible on their own. But together, slowly, they can start to pull the temperature of your day in a warmer direction. Together, they start to matter.
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Existential Issues

Forgetting Your Phone And Remembering Your Life

Have you forgotten your phone anywhere lately? Accidentally left it behind somewhere, until you realised you "needed" it? And it wasn’t there? (I just did). It’s amazing how much daily living can be kind of woven through this little device. Pixellated inside it. So seemingly handy. And yet… When you’re without your phone, are there other parts of your life that you’re more with? If you forget it, do you remember you? (And what might that tell you?)
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Change

Shedding Your Skin And Releasing Yourself From Old Habits

  One of the things I love about living in Australia is the grace of the gum trees. Even in the bustle of the city, they're dotted around the streets, their leaves quietly whispering of stuff more grounded and true. And recently it's been the time of year for some of them to shed their bark (like in the photo, above). It's an inspiring process in a metaphorical way - a time to slough off the old and let the new parts of you come to the surface. Sometimes, for the trees, it might look messy for a while, with great strips of their old selves peeling off and swinging in the wind before they fall away. But, with a bit of time and persistence, they come clean again, with brand new skins to face the world in. So, if you could shed your own bark like these trees, what would you be shedding?
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acceptance

Do You Trust Yourself To Heal? Bringing Therapy To Life

Trust is such an important part of therapy. And, of course, of lifeSo do you trust yourself? To know yourself. To grow yourself. To heal. A gentleman born in the early 1900’s trusted you, even though you’ve never met. His name was Carl Rogers, and he was a psychologist. And he believed that you – that all of us – have the innate power to understand and heal ourselves. He believed that somewhere inside, you have the solution, the answer, the salve for your life’s struggles. And that trust will help unlock them. So how do you do that?
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acceptance

What Transience Can Teach You About Holding On

  On a day that started with torrential rain and umbrella wrestling (and weather forecasts of doom), it seemed almost miraculous to be able to stroll the street in a dry golden-blue-sky evening. But that’s what happened. Unexpectedly. And it was exactly then that this notice on a shopfront window caught my eye (you can see it in the photo, above):   “All things must pass.”   (And they certainly seem to). Sometimes this apparent truth about the world feels confronting. Unfair, even. Because these “things which must pass” inevitably include the things we love, and the things we celebrate. The things we might want to hold on to and never let go. But they're not the only things that this saying is on about...
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Anger

Spotting Your Patterns: How Your Life Can Be Your Therapist

A lot of therapy is about sort of stepping back and seeing things – seeing yourself – from a different perspective. Getting out of the weave and the warp of the moment and looking more at the whole fabric of the situation you’re in. Seeing if there’s any repeating motifs or themes that might help you unlock some solutions… or even unlock parts of you. And the wonderful thing is that you can do this without being in formal therapy. Don’t get me wrong, traditional therapy is a great way to get the hang of this pattern-spotting business. And it’s incredibly powerful to work with someone who’s got your back and can help you see any blindspots you might have. But once you’ve become a pattern watcher, you can use it anytime you like, to find deeper insights and often deeper healing, too. So what sort of things might you try to notice? What helps spot the patterns? Sometimes questions like these are a good place to start:
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