How much do you think you’ve learned over your lifetime about how to treat others well?

As a child. As an adult. In the professional world of work.

Minding your manners.
Holding your tongue.
Counting to ten before answering.
Drafting a difficult email and then simmering down or even sleeping on it before hitting ‘send’.
Being mindful, respectful, professional, polite.

Yet how much of this translates into how you treat yourself?

Maybe that question gets especially interesting when you think about how you give yourself feedback (and whether it’s constructive or just straight out criticism, no holds barred).

For instance, how often do you ‘think before you speak’ your internal dialogues?
How often does mindfulness or respect come into those?

Or do the slurs and put-downs and inner-critics often get free rein?
Maybe the more familiar running commentary in your mind includes some name-calling or teasing; sarcasm or anger. Or a litany of all the ‘bad’ things.
(And where does all of that leave you?)

How often do you “start with something good”?
(Like the billboard in the photo, above, suggests).

Or is that approach mainly reserved for other people?

What might it be like to simply draw on your knowledge and experience of how to be with people, and to invite yourself into the fold?
To see yourself as simply another person.
Another being in the world.

And as such, maybe to see that you’re as worthy of this stuff as any other.

What might that feel like for you?
To not be singled-out for ‘special treatment’ quite so much?
To have the inner-critic (or perhaps the inner-bully) pulled back into line?
To escape the unjust punishment that’s maybe been reserved just for you?

And yet, to still feel the constructiveness that (useful) feedback can bring?

Maybe it’s possible to weave some of this ‘constructive’ stuff into your life and help your inner-critic evolve?

In Part 2 of this post, we’ll explore some of the guidelines and important aspects of giving others constructive feedback, and see if they can also apply to the feedback you give to yourself.

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Photo: Gabrielle Gawne-Kelnar

Gabrielle Gawne-Kelnar (Grad Dip Counselling & Psychotherapy) is a writer, blogger and Sydney psychotherapist in private practice at One Life Counselling & Psychotherapy. Gabrielle also co-facilitates telephone support groups for people who are living with cancer, for their carers, and for people who have been bereaved through a cancer experience. She was the former editor of a journal on counselling and psychotherapy and she provides regular therapeutic updates on facebook and Twitter @OneLifeTherapy.

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From Psych Central's website:
Evolving Your Inner-Critic: Making Self-Criticism Constructive (Part 2) | The Therapist Within (February 18, 2011)

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    Last reviewed: 15 Feb 2011