We all have self-esteem issues as part of the human condition. We each have insecurities, vulnerabilities and self-doubts. If not managed consciously, they can manifest in maladaptive character patterns that can hinder our personal and professional success.
Healthy self-esteem is midway between Diva & Doormat and:
The Diva might also be categorized as a “narcissist” and the Doormat as a “codependent”. The Diva is not likely to have the insight or desire to change, but if you are veering close to Doormat, check out Codependent No More by Melody Beattie to stop this self-sabatoging pattern of behavior. Also, The Human Magnet Syndrome by Ross Rosenberg explains how narcissists and codependents are often unconsciously attracted to one another and offers practical solutions for seeking healthy relationships.
Personally, I find myself temporarily veering towards either end of the Diva/Doormat spectrum whenever I’m taken over by my ego. I might tend towards Diva when I’m feeling defensive and slip towards doormat when I am feeling unworthy. I find meditation and mindfulness practices to be grounding and useful in establishing detachment from things that don’t really matter (money, body image, possessions, etc.) and connection with the present moment and the deeper self within (spirit, soul or authentic self.)
In my work with my clients, I help them understand that self-esteem issues are a normal part of life. I coach them to develop the self-awareness to recognize when they are moving towards Diva or Doormat and the skills to get back on track for healthy self-esteem. For all of us, managing self-esteem is a skill we must practice and develop on our psycho-spritual-relational journey towards consciousness.
What do you do to keep your self-esteem in a healthy place?
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Last reviewed: 27 Jul 2013