“In the end, these things matter most:
How well did you love?
How fully did you live?
How deeply did you let go?”
Therapists, coaches, and yoga instructors love to tell us to, “Let it go!” Sounds divine, yet ambiguous… What exactly is involved in the process of letting go?
After 20 years of counseling clients and taking a stab or two at letting go of my own “stuff”, I recommend the following strategies:
1) Detach from outcome and focus on the process. If your mind is obsessing about whether or not this is the person you are going to marry, you are going to miss the enjoyment of courtship and that first kiss… Trust in the greater plan for your life and trust that things unfold over time as they should.
2) Understand that the life you thought you would have may not be the life you will actually have. Many of us have a concept of who we are and how we think our life is going to go. The more we live, the more we learn that things don’t always go as planned. Understand that not only is this okay, it might actually be better. Practice gratitude and trust in the process.
3) Don’t hang your hat on expectations, because this often leads to disappointment. Expectations have a way of keeping us in relationships or situations far too long, investing more and more in hopes to finally hit Pay Day. Expectations are not guarantees, rather they are markers. When our expectations or needs are not met, we need to take note, respond assertively and appropriately, and be flexible enough to change course if need be.
4) Break the barriers you’ve created for yourself that keep you imprisoned. We all have self-limiting beliefs. “I could never do that!” “I could never wear that!” “I could never earn that!” If you believe you won’t, you won’t. Expand your thinking and allow more into your life.
5) Relinquish control over others, for it’s false anyways. We only truly have control over our own thoughts, behaviors, choices, actions and decisions.
6) Separate yourself from attachment to externals (possessions, beauty, titles, money, status, situation, etc.) Bring your attention to the internal, deeper, psycho-spiritual-relational process within. This will bring you peace, calm and serenity. When we focus on externals, enough is never enough.
7) Commit to not worrying about what other people think. While hanging onto your morale compass, free yourself from being consumed or controlled by the opinions of others. Choose to care more about how you feel about yourself than whether or not your neighbor approves. We are our happiest when we live our lives in a way that is aligned with our authentic selves.
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