Where Were You When You Realized You Love Your Single Life?

By Bella DePaulo, Ph.D • 1 min read

computer240It is something all single people have experienced. We are asked to answer some security questions to set up an account, only to find that a disproportionate number of those questions just assume that we are married. Amy Gutman, a facilitator of the OpEd Project, recently described an experience in which every one of the security questions made the Spouse Assumption. She wrote about it in “Singled Out: The Cultural Bias Against Single People,” for Boston’s NPR station, WBUR.

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Is That Really a Deficit — Or Just a Difference? Fair-Mindedness in Research and in Life

By Bella DePaulo, Ph.D • 2 min read

strawsIn our everyday lives, we can be intensely aware of the ways we differ from other people. As observers, we cannot help but notice how some people differ from others. When those differences have the potential to be viewed negatively, we are confronted with one of the most fundamental issues in matters of fairness: Is the difference really a deficit, or is it just a difference?

Some of the most significant stories of social justice are those that succeed in achieving a widespread transformation in ways of thinking – from a prejudice that sees the difference as a deficit to a more fair-minded assessment of the difference as just that, a difference.

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5 Keys to Effective and Joyful Independent Parenting: Part 2 by Tricia Parker

By Bella DePaulo, Ph.D • 5 min read

TriciaParker240[Bella’s intro: In the previous post, guest blogger Tricia Parker shared her difficult and painful experiences from when she first became an “independent parent.” Eventually, though, she learned quite a lot about how to be an independent parent in ways that were enriching to herself, her children, and other parents and their children. She shares this wisdom with us in Part 2 of her two-part article.]

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Debunking Parenting Myths: Guest Post by Tricia Parker, Part 1

By Bella DePaulo, Ph.D • 3 min read

hands[Bella’s intro: I’ve never met Tricia Parker, but when she sent me a very moving and wise e-mail about her experiences as what she calls an “independent parent,” I immediately asked her if she would share her observations here with Single at Heart readers. Happily, she agreed. In this first of two parts, she describes the most painful years. In Part 2, she reveals the keys to her emergence into a happy, healthy, empowered, and productive place for herself and her children. Thanks so much, Tricia!]

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Some Ways Married People Are Privileged and Single People Are Not

By Bella DePaulo, Ph.D • 1 min read

giftsThe explosion of racial tensions over the summer brought the notion of “white privilege” to the forefront of our cultural conversations. Americans have become increasingly familiar with the ways in which people enjoy unearned advantages just because they are white (“white privilege”) or male (“male privilege”) or young or heterosexual. But a vast swath of privileges that advantage half the adult population has gone mostly unrecognized.

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Should Your Spouse Be Your Best Friend, and Do Single People Count as People?

By Bella DePaulo, Ph.D • 5 min read

friendsIn the past couple of days, the media has gotten all excited about some new research claiming to show that getting married makes people happier. You should always be suspicious of claims like that, as I’ve explained before. And, as I’ve shown in great detail, the particular research getting all the attention has not actually shown that getting married makes you happier.

The first thing you need to do if you want to make the case that getting married makes people happier (even though it doesn’t) is to show that people who got married are happier than people who stayed single. Then, once you do that, you can go on to try to demonstrate that marriage (and not something else) is what made them happier. But the authors’ data, when analyzed properly, shows that in Central and Eastern Europe, Latin America, the Caribbean, South Asia, and Southeast Asia, people who stay single are actually happier than those who get married! And in Western Europe (excluding the UK) and the Commonwealth of Independent States (including Russia), people who stay single are just as happy as those who get married.

Here, I want to take on another claim made by the authors, Grover and Helliwell: that the explanation for why marriage makes people happier (even though it doesn’t) is that married people (or at least some of them) enjoy the benefits of having a close friend and confidant in their spouse. The New York Times said that the findings from the research suggested this advice: “Find a spouse who is also your best friend.”

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The One, the Ones, or the Many?

By Bella DePaulo, Ph.D • 2 min read

In my previous post, I announced this year’s National Singles Day celebration (details are also repeated at the end of this post), and considered the question of how, if at all, single people should be celebrated. Now, as promised, I want to address the matter of tying singles day celebrations to dates with the number one in them.

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National Singles Day, January 11: Consciousness-Rasing, Discounts, or Fun?

By Bella DePaulo, Ph.D • 2 min read

In China, the Amazon-like ecommerce giant, Alibaba, turned November 11 into a National Singles Day extravaganza. November 11 seemed like the right day to them because of the four ones, 11-11. Here in the U.S., the talented and indefatigable Karen Reed is organizing the second of what she hopes will be an annual event by the same name, National Singles Day, on January 11, which of course is 1-11.

I’ll tell you about the event and encourage you to attend if you can, or to get a head start on organizing an event closer to you for January 11 of next year. This blog is about thoughtfulness about single life and not just announcements so I also want to discuss briefly the different kinds of ways of thinking about celebrating single people. In my next post, I’ll address the “one” theme of these celebrations.

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Best Friends Forever, or Only Until Your Life Changes?

By Bella DePaulo, Ph.D • 2 min read

shutterstock_108315950We like to think that we have a core group of people who are so important to us, they are irreplaceable. They are with us, in our lives, for the long run. They may be best friends or relatives or romantic partners or maybe people in other kinds of categories, but whoever they are, we see them as the people we will turn to when something significant is happening in our lives and we want to talk about it.

But is that really true? Or does our core group change as we make significant transitions in our lives?

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Spotting Cheaters: How Long Do You Have to Know a Person Before You Can Do It Accurately?

By Bella DePaulo, Ph.D • 2 min read

Most people who are cheating on their romantic partners don’t want to be caught. They don’t want their partners to recognize their infidelity, and they don’t want other people to be able to tell, either.

So is it possible for people to just watch a couple and know whether one of the partners is cheating on the other? If so, how long would you have to know the possible cheater? Would you need to be a close friend or maybe a relative who has known the person their whole life? Would you need to be the person who is getting cheated on?

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