Singlehood Articles

If You Have an RV, Is Every Day a Holiday?

Thursday, November 27th, 2014

shutterstock_61986745The stretch of Southern California where I live is criss-crossed with all sorts of trails, and I make my way to one of them nearly every day. Right now, my favorite runs along the bluffs overlooking the Pacific Ocean. About a half-mile in, there’s a seal sanctuary, and then, after about another half-mile, is the start of a series of RV parks.

I’ve never had an RV, so I can’t speak from first-hand experience. From walking past these mini-communities day after day, though, I’m intrigued. The RVs get to sit just yards from the ocean. Right outside the door of almost every one, the occupants roll out a carpet and arrange chairs around it. Picnic tables are steps away. Many Southern Californians who want to own a home with an ocean view have to pony up millions of dollars for it, and their homes are usually not nearly as close to the ocean as these RVs are.


The Secretary of State Takes on Singlism, in Prime Time

Tuesday, November 25th, 2014

105525_0202bIt can be a pretty discouraging task – trying to take on the stereotyping, stigmatizing, and discrimination against single people that I call singlism. Plenty of people think it doesn’t even exist, despite the copious evidence and the fact that discrimination against people who are not married is written right into our laws. Just in the federal statutes, there are more than 1,000 instances. Even when people can be persuaded that singlism exists, too many of them dismiss it as insignificant. Who cares if single people do not have the same rights, protections, or benefits as married people, they ask. Let them get married!

On the November 23, 2014 episode of Madame Secretary (“Collateral Damage”), a CBS primetime television show, singlism got taken seriously. A woman who had been a Foreign Service officer her entire life was assigned to Angola. She wanted a post in Europe. She brought her complaint to the Chief of Staff, who at first told her, essentially, to suck it up. She said that the officer was the only person with the relevant skills and experiences to work in Angola. The officer was having none of it – she said she knew why she was given the assignment no one else wanted: because she was a 50-something year old who was single and had no kids.


A Japanese Answer to the Question of Dying Alone

Friday, November 21st, 2014

shutterstock_141418615In the U.S., one of the myths used to try to scare single people into marrying is the threat that they will die alone. In Japan, too, the dramatic increase in the number of single people, and people living alone, has caused a panic. There, anxieties gather not just around the theme of aging alone but also what happens after death – who mourns you? Who tends to your grave? And even more fundamentally, what place will there be for your remains?


How to Appeal to Single People

Tuesday, November 18th, 2014

shutterstock_148799822Because I have been researching and writing about single life and solo living for so long, I am sometimes interviewed by trend-spotters and marketing firms about what single people want or how best to appeal to them. I respond not because I want to help them sell their products, but because I want to persuade them not to use singlism in their ads but to present positive images of single people instead, and also because I want to encourage practices that are fair to single people.


Who Counts as Family and Why Should (Only) Family Count?

Friday, November 14th, 2014

shutterstock_168771323Writing for the Atlantic, Lisa Johnson asked, “Am I not my brother’s keeper?” She didn’t just mean that metaphorically. Her brother has health problems and an intellectual disability. Again and again, she has left work early or otherwise rearranged her life to help him.


How Do You Manage to Do Everything When You Live Alone?

Sunday, November 9th, 2014

One of the supposed advantages of living with a spouse – or really, living with any other person or persons who want to live cooperatively and not just share the roof – is that you get to split up the many tasks of everyday life rather than doing them all yourself. I recently got an email from someone who asked, “How do you manage” when you are single and live alone? How do you deal with repairs, with computer problems, lifting heavy things, taking care of the car, and all the rest?


Does the Pope Care about Single Catholics?

Thursday, November 6th, 2014

shutterstock_172642565I admit it – I’m a lapsed Catholic. When I was a child, I was very serious about my Catholicism for a while. I tried to get an aunt who hadn’t been to Mass for a very long time to return to the fold and I used to have a May altar every year, with a statue of the Blessed Virgin Mary and fresh flowers. I can hardly believe I’m admitting this.

My adulthood has been very different. I’ve had very little interest in religion, and I mostly pay attention only when single people get in touch to tell me their stories of feeling excluded or stigmatized by their own religions and places of worship. (Here’s an example.)

So I was surprised when the current Pope, Pope Francis, seemed so different from many of his predecessors. I like his humility, his greater openness toward gays and lesbians, and his relatively enlightened views on evolution. (The “relatively” qualifier is important; Francis is progressive and enlightened only in comparison to his predecessors and many other leaders in the Catholic church.)


The Boldest New Idea about Sex

Sunday, November 2nd, 2014

shutterstock_188849294Just when you thought that there could never be another big new idea about sex, there is one, and it is way different from just about everything else out there. For years, it has been possible to find all sorts of advice and information about how to have more sex or better sex or different kinds of sex or better positions during sex. The new idea is this: It is okay not to be interested in sex, for a while, or even for the long haul. Once you realize that, you can enjoy a new sort of freedom and understanding. You can still have all the sex you want if that’s what interests you, but you can also feel a whole lot better about those times when you are just not into it.


Single Women on TV: Are They as Inspiring Now as They Were in 1966?

Thursday, October 30th, 2014

shutterstock_195796670The show debuted in 1966 and it was an inspiration. The lead actress received “bags and bags of fan mail that came in from women around the country.” I’m talking about That Girl, with Marlo Thomas starring as the single woman who moves to New York City to try to make it as an actress.

It is nearly a half-century later, and people are still marveling at what it achieved. Marlo Thomas recently discussed the show with Gloria Steinem. Here are some highlights.


Marital Status in the Courtroom: Does It Matter?

Monday, October 27th, 2014

shutterstock_183250718There is probably no better representation of the diversity of people where you live than the people who get called for jury duty. In the past (at least in my experience), it was easier to wrangle your way out of this obligation, because someone from the courts called you, and all you had to do was come up with some great excuse for why you couldn’t show up. Now the process of getting out of it is more challenging, and you don’t even get out of it if you succeed – you just get deferred.


 

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  • Bella DePaulo, Ph.D: I agree that’s a great idea. I posted my gratitude at the Madame Secretary Facebook page.
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