Archives for myths about single people

Love & Affection

World’s Meanest Valentine’s Day Story

Like I said in the title, I'm going to tell you about a really mean Valentine's Day story. But before I get there, I want to tell you a very uplifting story, based in findings from research, about single people and Valentine's Day. Here's the thing: the disparaging story I'm going to rip apart was a story about those very positive data on single people. The bigger point here is that this sort of sliming of single people happens all the time, and it can be triggered even by (or especially by) indications that single people are doing great. The rise of single people, especially happy single people, is a threat to the worldview that you have to be married to be happy, and that to get married is to become a better person than you were when you were single.

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Answers to All Your Questions about Single People and Single Life

I have been writing about single people and single life for many years. During that time, I have probably written on just about every relevant topic (except dating and other attempts to become unsingle). I put together collections of links to articles about more than 30 different topics. You can find all of them here, or you can go directly to the particular topics that interest you by clicking the relevant links below.
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What Are the Personality Characteristics of People Who Like to Be Alone?

Psychologists, researchers, and pundits are obsessed with loneliness. They worry about it, write about it, and issue dire warnings of what might befall people who experience it (which is probably just about everyone, at one point or another). That's reasonable, up to a point – loneliness is painful and extreme doses of it can have troubling implications.

Some of the current preoccupation with loneliness is probably attributable, in part, to the fact that the number of people living alone has been growing for decades. But linking loneliness to the rise of solo living misses one of the most important motivators of the trend – huge numbers of people are living alone because they want to. They aren't stuck with it, they chose it. In fact, in an arrangement known as "living apart together," some people who are committed couples, including even married couples, choose to have places of their own.

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Single by Choice and Single at Heart: Is There a Difference?

The name of this blog, "Single at Heart," refers to a set of single people who, culturally, are almost entirely invisible. They are the single people for whom living single is how they live their best, most authentic, most meaningful lives.

You may have heard people say that being single is better than being in a bad marriage. Well, for people who are single at heart, being single is better than being in a good marriage.

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Why Study Single People?

For nearly two decades, I have been researching and writing about people who are single. It is a real passion for me. Yet some people – including some single people – recoil at the thought. Why should single people be examined as if they are some bug under a microscope, or some exotic species separate from other humans?

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The Most Liked Single-at-Heart Articles: 2015

I write about so many different aspects of single life (all of them, in fact, except dating and trying to become unsingle) and I'm passionate about just about every topic. At the end of the year, I like to look back and see which articles my readers seemed to like best. There are different ways to assess that. Here, I'm using the number of Facebook "Likes" each article attracted.

Here are the Top 12 Single-at-Heart articles for 2015. All of them were "Liked" more than 100 times.

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Some Couples Are Faking It to Get Through the Holidays: Can You Tell Which Ones?

I know that I'm supposed to feel self-conscious around the holidays, walking into all those holiday parties on my own when so many others are coupled-up. But I don't. In fact, I feel both happy and proud. Happy, because I'm a sociable person and I like some of these gatherings; and happy because I also love my solitude, and after the party is over, I can go home to some.

The proud part is more interesting: I like it that I don't grab onto someone just to try to fit in at a time of such relentless coupling.

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The Community of Single People Is Drawing Members from Around the World

"For the first time, I feel like I belong somewhere," said Ibrahim Umar.

"It's such a comfort to have people to talk to who don't have to be brought up to speed," offered Kristin Noreen.

Edward Bayley added, "Knowing that this is a global community that has no boundaries in terms of age, gender, or background, made me realize that I am not an exception to a rule, but part of another rule altogether."

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Have You Been Shamed for Being Single?

The December 2015 issue of Cosmopolitan magazine includes the story, "Stop Single-Shaming Me!" As reporter Julie Vadnal notes in the tagline, "If you're single, it's seen as a problem to be fixed."

I was delighted to learn that Vadnal is a single person who is not dating and who doesn't hide that fact. But her admission of being "Tinder-less" is what brought about some intense single-shaming by the people around her.

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