Archives for Media

General

A Contrarian’s View of Dying Alone: Guest Post by ‘Think Again’

[Bella’s intro: There are so many things wrong with the scare story served up to single people about how they will die alone. But that particular threat seems to have some real staying power, so it needs to be challenged over and over again. Someone I have long admired wrote a particularly insightful challenge and gave me permission to share it with you here. She does not want me to use her name, so I’m going to refer to her as ‘Think Again.” Today marks the beginning of Unmarried and Single Americans Week, and this thoughtful essay is a great way to get it started.]
Continue Reading

General

20 Reasons to Celebrate Unmarried and Single Americans Week

The third full week of September, September 18-24, is National Singles Week (more formally known as Unmarried and Single Americans Week). In some ways, this has been a good year for insightful and enlightening stories about single people. In fact, just yesterday (September 17, 2016), Fusion published “Meet the people who want to be single forever.” Earlier, New York magazine gave us “The new science of single people” and a story in the Huffington Post, “Research says single people – wait for it – live rich, meaningful lives,” was shared on Facebook more than 50,000 times. Over at the TED blog, readers learned about “The price of being single.”
Continue Reading

General

Singlism: From the Subtle to the Shocking

I wish I could say that it is hard to find examples of singlism – the stereotyping, stigmatizing, and discrimination against single people. Unfortunately, singlism is relentless. It ranges from the subtle to the shocking. And it is often practiced unselfconsciously even by respected intellectuals and ordinary people who pride themselves on being open-minded and totally untainted by prejudice.
Continue Reading

Love & Affection

Invisible Ink: Why Do Writings about Single Life Disappear from Our Awareness?

Shortly after the publication of a new and much-acclaimed book about single women, an article in the Washington Post led with the headline, “Finally, a book that says single ladies are doing just fine.” The Week magazine, a publication that compiles in its book review section excerpts from a variety of writings, began its commentary on that book with a quote from the same article: “Finally—finally!” someone has written a big book about single women that “doesn’t tell us we’re doing it all wrong.”
Continue Reading

Love & Affection

The Hidden Hunger for a Valid and Validating Portrayal of Single Life

Many single people feel good about their single lives. That’s true even for plenty of single people who do not want to stay single; they, too, often feel proud of how they are living their single years fully, rather than just marking time until they find The One. In the popular culture, though, and in everyday life, much of what gets reflected back to single people is damning. They are told, falsely, that they need to marry if they want to live a happy, healthy, and long life. They are mocked as selfish and lonely and desperate to escape single life. Other people try to fix them up, as if they were broken. After a while, it can be a bit much.
Continue Reading

Marriage

What All Unmarried People Should Say about Themselves

Guest Post by Kim Calvert [Bella’s intro: I’ve been studying single life for a long time, and practicing it even longer, so I know the kinds of questions that people have about singles. Often the questions are about the ways in which unmarried people differ from each other. Shouldn’t we be looking separately, I am asked, at single men and single women? Longtime single people versus newly single? Rich versus poor, living alone versus with others, and every other distinction you can possibly imagine. For research purposes, the answer is yes. It is important to understand the many shades and complexities of single people. But in this important guest contribution, the very wise Kim Calvert makes a different argument.
Continue Reading

General

Matrimania Mars the Olympics

I am in awe of Olympic athletes. The commitment they show with their bruising training schedules is impressive. So is their stunning level of skill. On top of all that, the Olympic opportunity occurs just once every four years. The pressure once they get there seems almost unfathomable. The athletes who make it to the Olympics deserve to bask in their moment – especially (but not only) if they make it to the medals podium. The Olympic games, and the medals ceremonies, should be all about the athletes and their amazing achievements. But, of course, they are not. Matrimania – the over-the-top hyping of marriage, coupling, and weddings – is greedy. It saturates society, seeping into every nook and crevice. And now it has spoiled the Olympics, too.
Continue Reading