[Bella’s intro: In the previous post, guest blogger Tricia Parker shared her difficult and painful experiences from when she first became an “independent parent.” Eventually, though, she learned quite a lot about how to be an independent parent in ways that were enriching to herself, her children, and other parents and their children. She shares this wisdom with us in Part 2 of her two-part article.]
[Bella’s intro: I’ve never met Tricia Parker, but when she sent me a very moving and wise e-mail about her experiences as what she calls an “independent parent,” I immediately asked her if she would share her observations here with Single at Heart readers. Happily, she agreed. In this first of two parts, she describes the most painful years. In Part 2, she reveals the keys to her emergence into a happy, healthy, empowered, and productive place for herself and her children. Thanks so much, Tricia!]
The explosion of racial tensions over the summer brought the notion of “white privilege” to the forefront of our cultural conversations. Americans have become increasingly familiar with the ways in which people enjoy unearned advantages just because they are white (“white privilege”) or male (“male privilege”) or young or heterosexual. But a vast swath of privileges that advantage half the adult population has gone mostly unrecognized.
In the past couple of days, the media has gotten all excited about some new research claiming to show that getting married makes people happier. You should always be suspicious of claims like that, as I’ve explained before. And, as I’ve shown in great detail, the particular research getting all the attention has not actually shown that getting married makes you happier.
The first thing you need to do if you want to make the case that getting married makes people happier (even though it doesn’t) is to show that people who got married are happier than people who stayed single. Then, once you do that, you can go on to try to demonstrate that marriage (and not something else) is what made them happier. But the authors’ data, when analyzed properly, shows that in Central and Eastern Europe, Latin America, the Caribbean, South Asia, and Southeast Asia, people who stay single are actually happier than those who get married! And in Western Europe (excluding the UK) and the Commonwealth of Independent States (including Russia), people who stay single are just as happy as those who get married.
Here, I want to take on another claim made by the authors, Grover and Helliwell: that the explanation for why marriage makes people happier (even though it doesn’t) is that married people (or at least some of them) enjoy the benefits of having a close friend and confidant in their spouse. The New York Times said that the findings from the research suggested this advice: “Find a spouse who is also your best friend.”
In my previous post, I announced this year’s National Singles Day celebration (details are also repeated at the end of this post), and considered the question of how, if at all, single people should be celebrated. Now, as promised, I want to address the matter of tying singles day celebrations to dates with the number one in them.
In China, the Amazon-like ecommerce giant, Alibaba, turned November 11 into a National Singles Day extravaganza. November 11 seemed like the right day to them because of the four ones, 11-11. Here in the U.S., the talented and indefatigable Karen Reed is organizing the second of what she hopes will be an annual event by the same name, National Singles Day, on January 11, which of course is 1-11.
I’ll tell you about the event and encourage you to attend if you can, or to get a head start on organizing an event closer to you for January 11 of next year. This blog is about thoughtfulness about single life and not just announcements so I also want to discuss briefly the different kinds of ways of thinking about celebrating single people. In my next post, I’ll address the “one” theme of these celebrations.
In my last post here, I critiqued a study published in the Harvard Business Review on the ever-popular topic of why fewer women than men reach the positions of greatest power in the workplace. My problem was that the article only addressed the experiences of married people, especially if they were married with children.
Around the same time, Harvard Magazine published the results of a study of their faculty members. Again, “work/life balance” was the topic. (I hate that phrase. Why can’t work be part of your life?) So in the survey, the faculty members were asked how many hours they spent working and how many they spent on household duties.
The December 2014 issue of the Harvard Business Review features an article that has already made the pages of the New York Times. Titled “Rethink what you ‘know’ about high-achieving women,” the piece presents the results of a survey of more than 25,000 graduates of Harvard Business School. The authors focused mostly on the MBAs between the ages of 26 and 67. They wanted to know if they could discover anything new about the gender gap in leadership.
Why do women end up rising to less impressive positions in the workplace than their male counterparts? It is happening even among the elite graduates of Harvard Business School. What’s that about?
[Bella’s intro: I am often contacted by people who would like me to publish their writing as a guest post. Usually, I have to think about it. Is the article really something that would interest “Single at Heart” readers? Is it smart enough? Fresh enough? Not so with today’s guest post. As soon as I read Beth O’Donnell’s witty essay, I knew I wanted to share it. It begins with Rush Limbaugh’s claim, “If single women vote Democrat, then Republicans would be wise to start a dating service.” You just know it is only going to get better after that, and it does! So, enjoy. And thanks, Beth!]
The Affordable Pair Act
Guest Post by Beth O’Donnell
Now that Election Day has come and gone, and we don’t have to bother our pretty little heads about voting and all that boring stuff, it’s time to explore new solutions to the pesky single woman problem.
In case any of us seriously considered it, Rush Limbaugh wants us to know Uncle Sam is not spousal material. Thankfully, Uncle Rush has an idea that singles, especially those of us over 40, might risk heart, head and even go to the polls to support: a GOP dating service. Get us married and get us off the dole. Brilliant!
This past October, as I watched the clusters of little Halloweeners wandering the streets of Santa Barbara, I was pleasantly surprised to see that not even one of the girls was dressed as a Princess or a bride. It is no longer news that plenty of moms are wary of seeing their little girls aspire to be princesses, but I wonder if girls themselves are no longer so drawn to that fantasy or if my observations were just a fluke.