In my last post here, I critiqued a study published in the Harvard Business Review on the ever-popular topic of why fewer women than men reach the positions of greatest power in the workplace. My problem was that the article only addressed the experiences of married people, especially if they were married with children.
Around the same time, Harvard Magazine published the results of a study of their faculty members. Again, “work/life balance” was the topic. (I hate that phrase. Why can’t work be part of your life?) So in the survey, the faculty members were asked how many hours they spent working and how many they spent on household duties.
The December 2014 issue of the Harvard Business Review features an article that has already made the pages of the New York Times. Titled “Rethink what you ‘know’ about high-achieving women,” the piece presents the results of a survey of more than 25,000 graduates of Harvard Business School. The authors focused mostly on the MBAs between the ages of 26 and 67. They wanted to know if they could discover anything new about the gender gap in leadership.
Why do women end up rising to less impressive positions in the workplace than their male counterparts? It is happening even among the elite graduates of Harvard Business School. What’s that about?
[Bella’s intro: I am often contacted by people who would like me to publish their writing as a guest post. Usually, I have to think about it. Is the article really something that would interest “Single at Heart” readers? Is it smart enough? Fresh enough? Not so with today’s guest post. As soon as I read Beth O’Donnell’s witty essay, I knew I wanted to share it. It begins with Rush Limbaugh’s claim, “If single women vote Democrat, then Republicans would be wise to start a dating service.” You just know it is only going to get better after that, and it does! So, enjoy. And thanks, Beth!]
The Affordable Pair Act
Guest Post by Beth O’Donnell
Now that Election Day has come and gone, and we don’t have to bother our pretty little heads about voting and all that boring stuff, it’s time to explore new solutions to the pesky single woman problem.
In case any of us seriously considered it, Rush Limbaugh wants us to know Uncle Sam is not spousal material. Thankfully, Uncle Rush has an idea that singles, especially those of us over 40, might risk heart, head and even go to the polls to support: a GOP dating service. Get us married and get us off the dole. Brilliant!
It can be a pretty discouraging task – trying to take on the stereotyping, stigmatizing, and discrimination against single people that I call singlism. Plenty of people think it doesn’t even exist, despite the copious evidence and the fact that discrimination against people who are not married is written right into our laws. Just in the federal statutes, there are more than 1,000 instances. Even when people can be persuaded that singlism exists, too many of them dismiss it as insignificant. Who cares if single people do not have the same rights, protections, or benefits as married people, they ask. Let them get married!
On the November 23, 2014 episode of Madame Secretary (“Collateral Damage”), a CBS primetime television show, singlism got taken seriously. A woman who had been a Foreign Service officer her entire life was assigned to Angola. She wanted a post in Europe. She brought her complaint to the Chief of Staff, who at first told her, essentially, to suck it up. She said that the officer was the only person with the relevant skills and experiences to work in Angola. The officer was having none of it – she said she knew why she was given the assignment no one else wanted: because she was a 50-something year old who was single and had no kids.
In the U.S., one of the myths used to try to scare single people into marrying is the threat that they will die alone. In Japan, too, the dramatic increase in the number of single people, and people living alone, has caused a panic. There, anxieties gather not just around the theme of aging alone but also what happens after death – who mourns you? Who tends to your grave? And even more fundamentally, what place will there be for your remains?
Because I have been researching and writing about single life and solo living for so long, I am sometimes interviewed by trend-spotters and marketing firms about what single people want or how best to appeal to them. I respond not because I want to help them sell their products, but because I want to persuade them not to use singlism in their ads but to present positive images of single people instead, and also because I want to encourage practices that are fair to single people.
Writing for the Atlantic, Lisa Johnson asked, “Am I not my brother’s keeper?” She didn’t just mean that metaphorically. Her brother has health problems and an intellectual disability. Again and again, she has left work early or otherwise rearranged her life to help him.
One of the supposed advantages of living with a spouse – or really, living with any other person or persons who want to live cooperatively and not just share the roof – is that you get to split up the many tasks of everyday life rather than doing them all yourself. I recently got an email from someone who asked, “How do you manage” when you are single and live alone? How do you deal with repairs, with computer problems, lifting heavy things, taking care of the car, and all the rest?
I admit it – I’m a lapsed Catholic. When I was a child, I was very serious about my Catholicism for a while. I tried to get an aunt who hadn’t been to Mass for a very long time to return to the fold and I used to have a May altar every year, with a statue of the Blessed Virgin Mary and fresh flowers. I can hardly believe I’m admitting this.
My adulthood has been very different. I’ve had very little interest in religion, and I mostly pay attention only when single people get in touch to tell me their stories of feeling excluded or stigmatized by their own religions and places of worship. (Here’s an example.)
So I was surprised when the current Pope, Pope Francis, seemed so different from many of his predecessors. I like his humility, his greater openness toward gays and lesbians, and his relatively enlightened views on evolution. (The “relatively” qualifier is important; Francis is progressive and enlightened only in comparison to his predecessors and many other leaders in the Catholic church.)
Just when you thought that there could never be another big new idea about sex, there is one, and it is way different from just about everything else out there. For years, it has been possible to find all sorts of advice and information about how to have more sex or better sex or different kinds of sex or better positions during sex. The new idea is this: It is okay not to be interested in sex, for a while, or even for the long haul. Once you realize that, you can enjoy a new sort of freedom and understanding. You can still have all the sex you want if that’s what interests you, but you can also feel a whole lot better about those times when you are just not into it.