Real Friends?

Real Friends?

If you’re a teenager or young adult with an iPhone, finding friends takes “literally” about one second.  See where they eat, drink, and make merry. All without you!  Isn’t that a form of torture??

In my life I have always been sensitive to being left out. So much so that I invite others compulsively even when I don’t want them there.  At some point in children’s high school careers they realize that they cannot possibly be invited to everything. Kids get together on a whim or perhaps can’t have half the class over when their parents are out, or a threesome becomes a twosome.  You sit with it.  You move on. But seeing it on social media hurts – sorely.  I’m a grown woman and it hurts me when I’m struggling for control and my friends are sipping Pina Coladas on the beach in Mexico. “Not fair!” we said in pre-school. But unfortunately, being excluded is a part of life.

Here are four ways to talk yourself down.

  1.  BARS: They are really NOT having that much fun. The bar is crowded, expensive, and the guys are entitled and disrespectful.  Rather than a fun evening, they are getting swallowed in alcohol and unwanted advances.
  2. TRAVEL: Traveling these days is a bitch.  Hurry up and wait.  Check bags, airport lack of security and security, fear of flying, bathroom lines, weather delays, lost baggage, etc. etc. Snuggle up with a good book and pretend you’re far away…
  3. ALONE TIME: Learn how to be alone.  There is no shame in it; and it’s a lifelong skill to have.  Just sit there and think, breathe, meditate, read, write, listen to music, clean your room, or walk your dog.  The sooner you conquer this critical life skill, the more real you become.
  4. KNOWING YOURSELF: Doing what your friends want is not the same as knowing what YOU want.  Get to know yourself.  I would hate to go to a crowded club with loud music.  I would much rather take a hike with a small group of friends.  Once you know you don’t even like certain things, why would you want to do them?

All this to say shut off that little app that tells you where everyone is and apply the “who cares” rule.  Who really cares?