The Missing Treatment Link – Viewing Addiction as Symptomatic of Disordered Intimacy

By Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT-S

The Missing Treatment Link  -  Viewing Addiction as Symptomatic of Disordered Intimacy Escape versus Connection

Alcoholics and drug addicts don’t drink and use to feel better; they do it to feel less. In other words, addiction is a disease of escape and dissociation from stress and other forms of emotional discomfort. This means that substance abusers don’t get drunk or high because they’re looking to engage with other people, they do it because they’re hoping to avoid the turmoil of other people. Nevertheless, our very human desire for connection that is present from birth onward remains in effect. As such, drug addicted individuals typically do want to connect, even though they are desperately afraid of the trauma that might ensue.

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Fame and Fortune in Psychotherapy

By Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT-S

Fame and Fortune in PsychotherapyThe (Non)Importance of Media

Prior to speaking, along with my friend and colleague Dr. Christine Courtois, at the amazing Psychotherapy Networker Symposium in DC last weekend, I spent several days in New York interacting with one media outlet after another in the service of promoting my latest book , Closer Together, Further Apart, coauthored with Dr. Jennifer Schneider. The book examines the intersection of human relationships and digital technology – a hot topic at present – so it’s generating quite a bit of interest. At the same time, because my other primary area of clinical expertise is sexual addiction, I found myself fielding questions about Lars von Trier’s new film, Nymphomaniac: Volume I, an artistic rumination on active sex addiction in women. For several days straight it was a 24/7 media binge.

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Addiction: Nature versus Nurture

By Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT-S

Addiction: Nature versus NurtureTwo Kids, One Bottle, Vastly Different Response

Best friends Eric and Thomas are 14 years old. They are from upper-middle-class families. They make good grades, play sports, and are getting interested in girls. At their eighth grade graduation Thomas tells Eric that his older brother has invited them to an end-of-school party. They know they’re only being invited so Thomas won’t rat on his brother for being at a party where kids are drinking, but they don’t care because they’re invited to their first-ever high school party. As a further inducement to silence, Thomas receives a bottle of rum from his older sibling.

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Sex Addiction: The Never-Ending Debate

By Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT-S

Sex Addiction: The Never-Ending DebateA few weeks ago, after writing and publishing a blog titled “Treating Sexual Addiction” on the Counselor Magazine website, links to this fairly brief article made its way into various LinkedIn forums, including the Professional Sexology group (1,700 members), a forum that leans heavily toward the “sex addiction is a myth” school of thought. Generally, in virtual professional forums I am willing to answer questions, but I try to avoid ruffling feathers. As such, I typically don’t post about sex addiction in the groups that don’t want to hear about it (such as Professional Sexology). That said, I do believe an occasional debate is good for everyone involved—and we certainly have had (and are still having) a good one in the Professional Sexology forum. So far, the link to my little Counselor Magazine blog has received well over 100 comments, with more appearing every day. When I printed this material out, I was shocked to see that it had generated more than 30 single-spaced pages of commentary.

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When Parenting Your Kids, How Much Tech is Too Much Tech?

By Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT-S

When Parenting Your Kids, How Much Tech is Too Much Tech?Just the Facts

If you’ve got kids or grandchildren, you know that they love technology. They’ve got televisions, gaming consoles, and laptops in their bedrooms, pads and tablets in their book-bags, iPods and smartphones in their pockets. And wherever they are, whenever they are, no matter how old they are, they are probably using one or more of these devices. In fact, one well-researched study estimates that children between the ages of 8 and 18 spend 11.5 hours per day using various forms of digital technology. Since most kids are awake only 15 or 16 hours per day, somewhere between 71 and 76 percent of the typical young child’s day is digital. And, let’s face it, this 24/7 tech-fest usually kicks in well before the study’s low-end cutoff age of 8.

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Linking Sexual Shame and Addiction

By Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT-S

Linking Sexual Shame and Addiction Flawed, Defective, Unworthy of Love and Happiness

It’s no great secret that most alcoholics, drug addicts, and behavioral addicts live with deeply felt feelings of shame. In fact, shame is nearly always part of the underlying matrix of psychological conditions that can typically lead to addiction. In short, shame leads to extreme emotional discomfort and the gnawing belief that one is inherently flawed, defective, and unworthy of love. These feelings can in turn lead to depression, severe anxiety, and lifelong challenges with intimacy and relationships. And all of the above can create a powerful desire to escape and dissociate via the use of addictive substances and/or behaviors. Over time, a pattern of self-medicating life stressors and emotional discomfort in this fashion can easily escalate to full-fledged addiction, with all of the usual negative life consequences.

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As Usual, CES Previews New Pathways to Sexual Pleasure (and Addiction)

By Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT-S

As Usual, CES Previews New Pathways to Sexual Pleasure (and Addiction)For more than 20 years I’ve been involved in the treatment of intimacy disorders and sexual addiction. As such, it’s hardly a surprise to me, as I write about in my book Closer Together, Further Apart, coauthored with Dr. Jennifer Schneider, that two decades of digitally driven access to sexual content and partners has pushed the pedal to the metal on the sex addiction bus. Frankly, ever since the Internet came along – vastly increasing the anonymity, affordability, and accessibility of highly stimulating sexual content and potential partners – the incidence of compulsive/addictive sexual behavior among men, women, and even adolescents has steadily risen. Sometimes it seems as if every new advance in digital technology brings with it a new venue for addictive sexual fantasies and behavior – no matter the technology’s intended purpose – and a new crop of sex addicts.

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Untangling the “Deep Web”

By Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT-S

Untangling the "Deep Web"Dread Pirate Roberts

Last October front page headlines brought us the story of Ross Ulbricht, aka Dread Pirate Roberts, alleged mastermind of Silk Road, a “Deep Web” Internet site hawking everything from illicit drugs to fake IDs to deadly weapons. Basically, Silk Road was eBay for illegal goods and services (with its creator, Ulbricht, grabbing a thin slice of every transaction). Trouble is, even when the Silk Road story first broke it was clear to law enforcement and to the people who follow and understand such things that forcing Dread Pirate Roberts to walk the proverbial plank wasn’t going to change much. And it hasn’t. The Deep Web rolls on unabated.

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A Sexicon? What Therapists Need to Know About the Evolving Language of Dating and Mating

By Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT-S

A Sexicon? What Therapists Need to Know About the Evolving Language of Dating and Mating Speaking Your Client’s Language

As a therapist specializing in the treatment of sexual disorders, I find that it’s important to keep abreast of new sexnologies and the ever-expanding digital sex lexicon. (In fact, let’s call it a sexicon.) Simply put, if I am to be effective as a therapist it is an absolute necessity that I fully understand what my clients are telling me. I need to “get it” when one of my clients looks at me and says: “Well, I was doing the J-Date thing and my wife didn’t know because I kept it totally virtual with sexts and iCU2. But then I scoped the Ashley Madison app and suddenly it was IRL all over the place. Now I’m a walking STD and I’ve got this cyberstalker chopping bunnies in my kitchen. Seriously, she’s posting and tweeting my sexts all over town and I am not ROTFL because my wife is catching on. She even wants to put a Net Nanny on my Droid.”

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Intervention and Addiction Case Management: An interview with Cindy Feinberg

By Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT-S

Intervention and Addiction Case Management: An interview with Cindy Feinberg Cindy Feinberg is a recovery coach and addiction case manager in New York City. She and her staff are committed to helping addicts and their families move toward recovery and a better life. She coordinates on an ongoing basis referrals to treatment specialists (treatment centers, therapists, interventionists, sober companions, MDs, and the like), at the same time managing all other aspects of care appropriate for a client and the client’s family. I have been so consistently impressed with both her intervention and recovery coaching ability that I wanted to share a bit about her world with you here.

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Recent Comments
  • Gabe Deem: First, I want to say I agree with a lot of the things you say, but I want to point something out to you...
  • Jesse: Interesting article. My anecdotal finding as a member of the community of porn and sex addicts is that most of...
  • SomeoneElse: Good article Rob. Your readers might also be interested to know that more than half of the addicts...
  • Kaye B. Williams: Bingo! Well said Rob.
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