Men and women typically experience sex – both fantasy and reality – in different ways. It has long been known that when it comes to sex men tend to be visually oriented, whereas women tend to be more interested in a connection or relationship. Basically, when a man sexually admires a woman, he is usually focused on certain body parts and their potential use for him (as sexual objects). When viewing pornography, for instance, males are typically most aroused by a rapid-fire succession of images depicting concrete sexual acts and/or specific sexual body parts. Females on the other hand tend to be most aroused by sexual imagery that includes or at least infers some type of emotional connection.
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I would posit that the female addict’s search for “connection” is actually a form of objectification of others, as well. They do not seek an authentic relationship in which the partner is valued for (and allowed the right of) being fully themselves, they seek to use the partner to meet the addict’s need to escape unpleasant emotions. Perhaps it is a more complex sort of objectification, but I believe it is objectification, all the same.
Sex and women and intimacy is myth. Don’t take my word for it — the New York Times did a major piece about this very subject a few years back. (Link is that the bottom).
In short, what you write runs along with the tide of popular thinking but is counter to the research, as typified by the work of Dr. Marta Meana at UNLV.
“Intimacy isn’t much of an aphrodisiac in the thinking of Marta Meana, a professor of psychology at the University of Nevada at Las Vegas,” says the NYT writer.
Meana showed that women respond to all kinds of sexual cues that would seem to have nothing to do with intimacy, including watching bonobos having sex!
If there’s any one thing that women tend to respond to in general, it’s desire. Their being desired makes them feel sexual desire. It is not apparently not their having an intimate conversation about their personal feelings regarding the application of e.g. Paul’s epistle to the Hebrews to their own lives and the life of their conversation partners.
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/25/magazine/25desire-t.html?pagewanted=all
well…..yes and no. there is truth to a certain degree in these notions,but there are also men who want intimacy, romance, and tenderness,yet we don’t talk about it because it’s seen as dorky. just as there are women who don’t want a soul-mate, they want a horse between their legs. we like to pretend that women don’t sexually objectify men,but they do it all the time. we just take it for granted, because it’s part of the mainstream pop-babble,ie “size matters”. it’s often quite cruel,too. btw-this can change from one to the other depending on the situation/person. some people,are for a night,others are for a longer emotional haul. it’s not of necessity, either or.