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Pornography

When Even a Little is Too Much: How to Block Online Porn and Sexual Content

Tech-Connect: the Good, the Bad, the Ugly

For many of us, digital information gathering and online interaction have become integrated into our daily routine from the first multitasking moments. We check email, tweet and text, update Facebook, and simultaneously peruse “newspapers” from all over the globe, all while draining the morning coffee. And we do all of this on faster, more sophisticated, more portable and affordable electronic devices than ever before.

This incredible array of sophisticated interconnectivity provides endless new opportunities to support our very traditional human needs for community and social interaction. Innovations like Facebook, with over 500 million users, and Twitter, with over 300 million users, offer real-time interactions with an increasingly wider and more diverse group of people.

Friends and family who may have been too distant for regular contact just a few years ago can now be intimately folded into our lives. For partners, spouses and families separated for long periods of time by work or military service, the tech-connect boom is a godsend. Couples are now able to bond long-distance in real time, share a growing child’s latest milestone, and even engage in visual intimacy via the webcams now routinely incorporated into computers and smart-phones.

Those not yet in a committed relationship can put technology to good use when home or traveling via e-dating—establishing and growing budding relationships with a decreasing focus on who lives where. We make friends, we share and grow from our experiences, we celebrate, and we commiserate—one world, a growing interactive community.

One downside of the tech-connect boom is that whenever human access to intensely pleasurable and arousing substances, like cocaine and crystal meth, previously rare treats, like refined sugar and sweets (now on sale at every gas station), or experiences, like gambling and sex, is increased, the potential for impulsivity, compulsivity, and addiction rears its ugly head.
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Hypersexual Disorders

Compulsive Masturbation: The Secret Sexual Disorder

Will I Go Blind?

Of all the types of sexual acting out, compulsive masturbation, with or without pornography, is the most secretive and isolating—and also the most common (in both men and women). Because many individuals view sexual self-stimulation as shameful, dirty, or sinful, those who engage in the practice compulsively are unlikely to discuss it with others, even a therapist.

If and when a compulsive masturbator does seek help, he or she is unlikely to do so for his/her sexual acting out. Instead, that individual is far more likely to report anxiety, depression, feelings of loneliness and isolation, and the inability (or lack of desire) to form intimate relationships with other people.

Some people who masturbate compulsively do so as part of their daily routine. These are “morning, noon and night” people who masturbate on a regular schedule, almost like clockwork—when they wake up, before they go to bed, when they’re in a particular place, when some “thing” happens, or when they experience a certain (usually uncomfortable) feeling.

Other individuals are binge masturbators, “losing themselves” for hours or even days at a time, sometimes continuing to masturbate even after physically injuring their genitalia. Binge masturbation is occasionally accompanied by illicit drug use, usually stimulants like cocaine or crystal meth.

Binge masturbators can lock themselves in their home or a motel room for days on end, losing all track of time and life in the real world.
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Intimacy & Fidelity

Sexual Dysfunction: The Escalating Price of Abusing Porn

Mark’s Story

Mark is a married, 35-year-old realtor. His wife, Janet, is a pharmaceutical sales rep who spends several days each week on the road. Both report that their sex life was great until just a few years ago, and Mark is not sure what happened. He used to look forward to the days Janet was home because he knew the first thing they were going to do was hop in bed and make passionate love. Even after the birth of their first child, the two always made time late evenings and weekend mornings for lovemaking. But no longer. These days when being sexual with Janet, Mark struggles to reach orgasm. He’s even started faking orgasms, just to get things over with. What Mark can’t understand is why he’s ready, willing, and able when he logs on to his favorite porn sites—something he does regularly when Janet is on the road—but he can’t function when he’s got the real thing right there in front of him. Mark is quite clear in saying he is not “bored” with his wife, and he continues to find her “sexy, exciting, and arousing.”



Is Porn Ruining Sex?

Mark is suffering from Delayed Ejaculation (DE), a problem that is more common than most people realize. Symptoms of DE include: taking longer than normal to reach orgasm; only being able to reach orgasm via masturbation; and not being able to reach orgasm at all. At first Mark didn’t mind because “lasting longer” is generally viewed as a sign of virility. He chalked it up to maturing as a lover, thinking he was now better at pleasing Janet. Unfortunately, as he and many others have discovered, there really is such a thing as too much of a good thing.

As with all sexual dysfunctions, there are numerous possible causes of DE, including: physical illness/impairment; the use of SSRI-based antidepressants, which are known to delay and in many cases eliminate orgasm; psychological factors with stressors like financial worries or family dysfunction—all of which can mentally distract men during intercourse. But one increasingly documented cause of both delayed ejaculation and erectile dysfunction is an over-involvement with—for some, addiction to—pornography and masturbation as a primary sexual outlet. This seems the most likely culprit for otherwise healthy men in the prime of life such as Mark.
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Pornography

How Much Porn is Too Much Porn?

Prior to 1994, if you wanted to view pornography, you had to get dressed, get in your car, drive to a seedy shop in a bad part of town, and fork over hard-earned cash for an overpriced magazine – all the while hoping not to be seen by the neighbor’s teenage kid, your boss, the police, or your spouse.

Today, thanks to streaming video over the Internet and smart-phones, finding porn doesn’t even require getting out of bed. In the digital age, access to stimulating sexual imagery of every ilk imaginable is virtually unlimited – easily and instantly downloaded. And most often it’s free.

For the average person, porn provides a quick and convenient means to a pleasurable end, typically turned to when an emotional or a close physical connection is either not available or not desired. However, current research tells us that for approximately 5 to 8 percent of the adult population, porn use can evolve into an addictive behavior, quickly escalating from a pleasurable distraction to a behavioral compulsion that leads to depression, isolation, loneliness, shame, and negative life consequences.
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Pornography

What’s Up with Porn?

For as long as men have viewed pornography, women have asked, “Why?” Now they may be asking, “Why not?”

While some women express concern about male pornography use, others are simply curious. Meanwhile, increasing numbers of women themselves are viewing pornography both with a partner and without.

Some women in committed relationships fear that a partner’s porn use may be indicative of relationship dissatisfaction or a desire to stray. But in reality, a man’s use of pornography most often has less to do with his partner directly (though it may affect them), and more to do with his own innate characteristics and desires. And today, increasing numbers of women are finding their own reasons to purchase, view and explore their own sexual fantasies through pornography.

Here are five things you may or may not know about sex and porn:

#1 Men are more visually stimulated than women.

A 2004 Center for Behavioral Neuroscience study confirmed a long-held belief that men are more stimulated by visual cues than women. Our amygdala, the area of the human brain that controls emotion and motivation, is more highly activated in men when viewing sexual images than women viewing the same content. Men are overall more attuned to visual imagery than women.
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Fantasy

The Move Towards VirtualSx

Think of the following in terms of the “Triple A Engine”: Access, Affordability, Anonymity…

Sex addiction access from the beginning of time – Pre-history to 1900 consisted of cave art, affairs and infidelity, prostitution and harems to compulsive masturbation to fantasy. Now add in porn shops, strip clubs, magazines and photos, and porn movie theaters which evolved dramatically from the 1900's to the 60’s.

Following were the late 70’s to 1990, where new technology was invented such as video (VCR and BETA) - AND, it's when phone sex became mainstream.

Then in 1990 to 2004, we began to see Bulletin Board Systems, websites, online porn, chat rooms, and online hook-ups. From 2004 to the present, much has evolved at a steady pace – sexting, smart phones with GPS locators, social networks (Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn), 3-D imagery, and VirtualWorld sex. Clearly escalation in sex addiction is being fueled by exponential technology growth  – which is only just beginning in the move towards virtual sex...
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Pornography

QR Codes. The Next Step in Sex-tech?


With a porn industry beleaguered by decreasing website viewership, declining sales and membership, QR codes may be the next step for the high-tech, for-profit sex biz. Over the past few years pornographers have been stuck on the side-lines watching their formerly high profit margins dip substantially related to waves of bad press - “unsafe sex in the porn industry," the rise of social media related sexual hook-ups, not to mention free sex (friend finder) GPS locator apps on smart phones.

If that weren’t bad enough for the poor porn folks and their investors, there appears to be a rise in the numbers of plain folks seeking online “fame” and “fortune” by putting it all out there for everyone to see for free … or for a small fee. And much as reality shows have taken over television, increasingly people seem to prefer watching “non-professionals” having sex to the alternative.

In other words, as a the result of newer technologies, endless free porn, increasingly laisse-faire sexual attitudes among the under-30 set and instantaneous GPS located access to sexual partners, the declining porn pay-for porn and sex biz is itching to find something ‘new’ to capture desperately needed consumer dollars.

Enter a pattern we’ve seen time and again. Swiftly following the arrival of some widely accepted new technology the sex industry jumps right in seeking increased attention and profit. The same thing is just beginning to happen with the latest bit of consciousness-permeating technology - QR codes. And with new sites like
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Fantasy

Virtual Sex? It’s Already Here

Looking beyond the sad mess of Former Congressman Weiner’s recent sexting scandal, today’s as yet under-the-radar, but evolving sexnologies are about to make texing nudie pics to strangers as old-school as focusing a 35-mm camera.

Last fall while researching the effect of social network and smart-phone technologies on sexual addiction, I came across what appear to be some of the first products specifically designed and mass-produced for purchasers to engage in virtual sex. Called
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Pornography

Does Watching Porn Affect Intimate Relationships? (Part Two: Women)

Last week, the topic at hand was on adult male porn use. This week, we'll explore the other side of the spectrum - spousal/partner interest and adult female porn use...

How should women determine how comfortable they are experimenting in the bedroom and when does healthy experimentation become a vehicle for his porn fantasies?

The rule of thumb for the woman is - TRUST YOUR FEELINGS! Most healthy women know if they are doing something sexual just to please a guy - even when it is not their favorite thing (which is not always a bad thing unless it is abusive - if you love someone you may surrender yourself to the will of your spouse and visa versa). But healthy women also know when they are being used by a guy who just wants them to consistently be an object, when is not connected to them at all.
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Pornography

Does Watching Porn Affect Intimate Relationships? (Part One: Men)

There is a documented relationship between the amount of adult male porn use and spousal/partner interest. The more frequently he uses porn and/or the longer the periods of his viewing porn, can cause detachment from his partners, to the point where he is 'dating' porn and his need for a partner dwindles.

Increased and consistent porn use in heterosexual men will cause the following to occur:

1. Reduced interest in sex and physical intimacy with long-term spouse/partner.

2. Increased overall sexual objectification of strangers – checking them out more, seeing them visually more as body parts as individuals with lives/roles, etc.

3. Increased overall view of all females as sexual objects, but not just physically (as above), but also in terms of a lower regard for women as people in general (i.e. he becomes less respectful, less considerate of feelings). A man who is viewing a great deal of porn will show a reduced empathic connection to women.
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