I’ve decided to take a much needed week off from blogging, as I’m currently attending, along with many wonderful colleagues, the US Journal Training Conference on Sex and Love Addiction in Brooklyn. Jeff Schultz, a talented sex addiction counselor from the Phoenix area, has agreed to step in.

—Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT-S

Guest post by: Jeff Schultz
www.sonorancounselingservices.com

Is there a difference between the person who carries on with one secret sexual affair after another and the person entranced by Internet pornography?

Are sexual behaviors like affairs, sex with prostitutes, and anonymous sex a greater risk of harm to an individual or a relationship, or is pornography the greater risk?

I used to think that I was the problem. Now I understand that it was my behavior and how I conducted my life that was the problem. Despite the bad choices of my past, I now understand that I am a man who is worthy of love and a good life, simply because I exist. Understanding this fully has not made day-to-day recovery easier, but it sure helps me get through the rough spots and gives me hope about life, and for myself as being a useful and good man.

- Damien, a former Sexual Recovery Institute client

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In recent months I’ve written extensively about individuals struggling with the all-too-common interplay of stimulant drug abuse and sexual acting out. However, I’ve not spent much time discussing WHO we are dealing with in terms of this treatment population. In this blog, I examine one segment of this growing clientele – a man I call “The Executive Player.”

In 2005 I wrote Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, a book that I took out of print in late 2010 because it desperately needed an update. Essentially, the volume was penned prior to the rise of social media, the explosion of user-generated porn, the advent of smartphone hookup apps, and numerous other advances in digital sexnology. And let us not forget the cultural changes “gay marriage” (and its effect on “gay monogamy”) has wrought in the past few years. Remember, many in the gay community used to deride marriage as an old-fashioned, demeaning, heterosexual ritual. Now, however, gay marriage is a hard-fought-for reality in several states, and with a forward-thinking president who has spoken in support of it on more than one occasion, other states are likely to follow. This has created a dramatic shift in gay men’s attitudes toward marriage and monogamy, leading in turn to quite a lot of individuals rethinking their sexual behavior, wondering if all the “fun” they’ve been having is actually compulsive and destructive rather than enjoyable.

Two Behaviors: One Addiction?

Although the intersection of stimulant abuse and sexual behavior is extremely under-researched, in recent years it has become increasingly apparent that there are many individuals who abuse or are addicted to stimulants who consistently fuse their drug use with sexual activity. It is also clear that when a stimulant drug addict consistently fuses drugs with sex, the sexual fantasy/behavior can both reinforce the intensity and frequency of chronic or binge drug abuse and act as a significant contributor to post-treatment relapse. One recent study (focused on HIV+ gay men and methamphetamine use) strongly supports this idea, finding the leading factor for crystal meth use for these individuals was sexual enhancement, including lowered inhibitions and prolonged duration of sexual encounters.1 The study concluded that with some addicts it is virtually impossible to separate their sexual behavior from their drug abuse. While this study is limited in scope and focused on a specific population, it is not unreasonable to assume that as further, broader studies are conducted these findings will translate across the board. After all, the plethora of research on stimulant abuse shows remarkably consistent results, particularly in terms of how it affects patterns of decision-making, overall functioning, and social isolation – regardless of cultural background or the specific stimulant abused.

The Neurochemical Quagmire

As is the case with substance addictions, process (behavioral) addictions induce a neurochemical pleasure response comprised of dopamine (pleasure), adrenaline (anxiety, energy), oxytocin (love, jealousy), serotonin (mood stability), and endorphins (mild euphoria). But unlike the substance abuser, those with sexual and other behavioral addictions don’t need to ingest a substance to evoke a neurochemical high. Essentially, individuals who struggle with underlying emotional or psychological issues such as early-life emotional trauma, social anxiety, low self-esteem, and depressive episodes can unconsciously learn to self-medicate by abusing their sympathetic nervous system through intense fantasy, urges, rituals, and ultimately behaviors as means of dissociating from or otherwise coping with internal and external life stressors, emotional pain, and uncomfortable feelings. This “addictive” response is the underlying biological component that drives the dysfunctional behavior patterns of compulsive gamblers, shopaholics, sex addicts, and others who seek intensity as a means of self-soothing distraction.